life

The Saga Continues

It is nearly 1am as I begin this post. Aidan is in his room throwing things and being angry because I won’t lay with him. He also keeps coming out of his room. I am trying to finish up some freelance work, and Aidan knows this. He keeps coming out of his room with some excuse or another. He drew a picture he wants to show me. He “forgot” to call Daddy.

He just told me that because I won’t lay with him, he’s never drawing again. Forever. And that is punishing me how? I told him that’s fine, he just needs to go to bed. He came out of his room again, saying he wants to read me a book. Adam already told him that the routine of the night is that he gets to watch a DVD then he needs to sleep.

He’s not sleeping.

Even if he’d just STAY IN HIS ROOM, that would be nice. I mean, he’s a night owl like me so I understand the not falling asleep right away. But he keeps coming out with that “little voice” trying to get me to drop everything for him. And I have work to do. I really should get back to that actually.

Adam made Aidan a certificate saying that there are no ghosts in this neighborhood, and he and Ken (another ghost hunter) signed it. It’s hanging in Aidan’s room. Adam also blocked off all the windows so the blue light from the courtyard, the one that reminded him of the Sims ghost, is no longer visible in Aidan’s room. Aidan is no longer saying he’s scared. He’s just resisting bedtime big time. Pushing boundaries.

Argh.

I got a lot of good advice today. I’m hoping that by the end of the week, bedtime is back to no longer being an ordeal. He did have to do his own laundry today. Well, Adam helped and watched him, but he did have to do the bulk of the stuff. He also had to remake his bed.

I know it’s not a punishment for him as it is a lesson in responsibility and taking consequences for his actions. For growing up and being a big boy instead of a baby. But it’s still hard. I feel bad. I keep telling myself NOT to feel bad, that this is good for him. Why is that so hard to believe, though?

Tough love. Why did no one tell me it was tough for the mommies, too? :(

And he just came out of his room again. I was warned that tonight was going to be exhausting.

*tries to get back to work*

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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The Challenges of Mommyhood (Picture)

Aidan at the Playground
Aidan at the Playground 07.13.2009

As the summer goes on, the challenges of having Aidan around all the time are really starting to rear. Ever since he saw that ghost on The Sims, it’s been a fight to get him to bed at a reasonable hour. I used to let him stay up until 10 or so, and then send him on his merry way, with a snack and a hug and a kiss. Now, what happened in his room was a different story. I’d hear him jumping on his bed, yelling at the TV, and even yelling out his window to the neighbors in the back. Adam and I had to go in and tell him to close the window and go to bed. We don’t mind him talking to the people in the back, but we DO mind him being up past midnight!

Anyway, it doesn’t work like that now. Adam and I have to tell him about 50 times to go to bed, and no matter how firm we are, Aidan still manages to stall about it. He cries and says he is scared. We go and reassure him, and then he cries again, or he calls us for a snack or a drink or just to tell us that the guy upstairs is stomping around. He always wants me to lay with him for about an hour or so before I can go, and I’m just to the point where I don’t want to do that. I mean, an hour? Especially if I have freelance work to do that I couldn’t work on because of Aidan constantly asking me questions or showing me stuff. So, I’ll read him a story (or more accurately, make HIM read to me while I help him figure out the more challenging words), but he’s a classic example of give an inch, take a mile. If I stay with him for five minutes, he wants me to stay for 15. If I stay for 15, he wants me to stay for 30. And so on. I eventually just have to push him away and tell him I have to go. Then I feel bad all night. :( I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing–I mean, will he feel rejected? And God forbid if he cries. Even if it sounds fake, I still feel bad.

Tonight was (and still is) especially challenging. After we sent him to bed, he stood by his door and “sobbed” for about 15 minutes very loudly. Adam went in and gave him the “first graders don’t act like this” talk, but Aidan rebutted with “I’m not in first grade yet.” He called for me several times after, and each time Adam went in and talked to Aidan and answered his random questions. Then, after Adam had fallen asleep, instead of calling for me, Aidan started calling for Adam. THEN he started calling for me again, and I just finally went in. Again, he just wanted me to lay with him. He’d wet the bed on purpose because he was “scared” to go to the bathroom, even though I’d seen him go in the middle of the night plenty of times before.

I don’t know if all of this is resulting from that brief incident with The Sims, or if this is something deeper. All I know is that it is exhausting. I love my little boy, but sometimes I just need a break. I do know that he has definitely inherited my night owl tendencies, which is nice when I want to sleep in, but not nice when I am ready for him to go to bed so I can focus on work (or just screwing around on Facebook) or just turn my brain off for a while. I don’t think 10 or 10:30pm is an unreasonable time for a six-year old on summer vacation to go to bed, especially if he knows that he can watch a DVD or read a book to help him fall asleep, but I still feel guilty. Like I’m being a bad and self-indulgent mom because I make him go to his room at night so I can have a few hours of quiet and ME ME ME time before I crawl into bed.

And then there is the picky eating! He has some foods that he’ll eat: chicken nuggets, chicken fries, French fries, oranges, apples, grapes, bananas, turkey breast (oven roasted only), chicken breast, beef Ramen noodles, almost ALL candies (of course), bacon, oatmeal, Cream of Wheat, Malt-O-Meal, Froot Loops, Trix, Fruity Pebbles, McDonald’s, Wendy’s, KFC, macaroni and cheese, cheese pizza, spinach, peas, mashed potatoes (no gravy), rice (yellow), and spaghetti. Actually, that seems like quite a lot, but really, it isn’t. He will barely choke down a peanut butter sandwich, will not touch any other type of sandwich. He won’t eat ketchup or gravy. Or any kind of beef. And some of it is pretty normal, I mean, I don’t recall being that big on beef when I was little unless it was a cheeseburger–but Aidan WILL NOT TOUCH ANY KIND OF BURGER. Or hot dog. Or grilled cheese. Or just about anything that most people have for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. And even that is OK, but his reluctance to even try stuff is very impatient-making. I TRY to be patient. I don’t want to traumatize the poor boy when it comes to eating. Lord knows that is never a good thing. We want him to just TRY things. Just one bite. I don’t give him food I don’t like. It’s obvious that he’s made up his mind that he will NOT like certain foods no matter what. I’m not a cabbage pusher or anything like that… but sometimes I just wish we could go to a Mexican place and he’d eat a taco. And I know that is NOT going to happen for a long time, if ever. I feel like he is missing out on so much because he’s so used to having his own way when it comes to mealtimes. And I don’t know how to fix that without causing a major battle at the table.

And I’m sure all the parents know about the “whiny” voice. I’m pretty sure every child has this ability to make their voices strike the perfect chord to DRIVE PARENTS CRAZY. And his whiny voice really makes me crazy. It is hard not to lose patience when he does that, especially if it’s for something he is perfectly capable of solving or taking care of. He has shown us his independence many times. He gets dressed himself. He bathes himself. He can make his own chicken nuggets, and mix his own strawberry milk. He makes his own cereal in the mornings. He can change DVDs. He can get games out of the Wii and put in new games. He can do SO MUCH that I am often in awe of it. But sometimes, he’ll just NOT do it and turn on the whine. I don’t understand that. Is it laziness? Wanting attention? To be babied? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

I love my little boy. Very much. He is generally a very sweet and amazing person. He’s super smart. He’s super friendly and his world is all happy and bright (most of the time). He goes up to babies on the playground and can win over every single one of them and their moms. Today, a little boy had fallen and was crying. Aidan went over to him and held his cheek and told him everything would be OK. Then, there was a cute little baby in a swing. Aidan went over to help the baby’s grandmother push him, and the grandmother was so appreciative. She told us that Aidan was very sweet and to definitely bring him back tomorrow (today). People constantly compliment me on Aidan’s behavior, his politeness, his general AWESOMENESS. And I don’t want to squelch that by being a hardass, but maybe part of my being a hardass is to make sure he STAYS that sweet and amazing. I don’t know.

I just want to be a good mommy (and Aidan often tells me that I’m the best mommy in the world, but I always wonder if/when he’s going to decide differently), but I don’t want to lose myself in the process. It’s a hard balance to strike.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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Where To Begin? (Long, Multimedia)

To state the obvious, it’s been a really long time since I’ve blogged. More than a month; the longest I’ve ever gone, I believe. It’s a complicated paradigm. I have too much to say, and yet, I don’t have anything to say at all.

I have been active on some forums, and on Facebook and Plurk and somewhat on Twitter, so I haven’t been completely off the Internet or anything like that.

Aidan is in town for the summer. He arrived on June 20th. He’s very happy to be in Chicago. I’ve been trying to get outside with him every day. I mean, HELLO, it’s summer! And it’s warm, finally! Sometimes I take him downtown, sometimes we simply walk around the block. Or we hit the CVS. Nothing too exciting, but it’s a nice way to get out of the house every day. We also have a nice courtyard in the back, and we’ve been out there drawing with sidewalk chalk and playing with a bubble machine.

Aidan on Michigan Avenue

Aidan Playing Bubbles

Hmm. Well, it wouldn’t be an update post if I didn’t mention dolls. I’ve gotten two more since my last post. Here is my complete collection (minus the mini Addy, who was inside):

The Girls
back: Marisol, Jess, Kit, Bizzy
front: Molly, Rebecca, Riley, Ruthie

Of course I want more, but unless I find a “YOU’D BE A STARK RAVING IDIOTIC BANANA TO PASS THIS UP” deal on eBay, I won’t be getting any for a while. I’m trying to hold out for gift giving occasions like my birthday or Christmas–but the sucky thing about that is that they’re five days apart. I don’t get gifts in the middle of the year like people whose birthdays are in summer or whatever. That’s hard! But it’s FUN at the time.

Last weekend, Adam, Aidan and I headed to Des Moines, IA for the Selzer Family Reunion. I had fun. Iowa is nice. It reminds me of Columbus without the Buckeye mania. I liked it. So much that I think I wouldn’t mind living there. Except for the fact that I would NOT be proofreading there–I’d be someone’s secretary and working for a bank or an insurance company. I don’t know how I feel about that. But the slower pace, the non-cutthroat culture, and the cost of living is so much easier to swallow. I dunno. Who knows what the future will bring?

Anyway, it was nice seeing family and spending time in a park (even though it was hotter than all blazes). Aidan tried his hand at the monkey bars:

Monkey Bars

It didn’t go well.

"This Is Not Happy"

“That is not happy,” he said when he saw his face in the picture.

It’s been a joy and a challenge having Aidan here. He’s pretty clumsy, so nothing’s really safe around him. He’s a maddeningly picky eater, so dinner time is always a challenge unless it’s chicken fries and mac & cheese. He still wets the bed at night if I don’t get up in time to take him. If I need to concentrate and work, he doesn’t get that. He wants to share everything, so it’s constantly MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY. Sometimes, it’s tiring.

But he’s so affectionate. He will often come over just to put his hand on my cheek. His laugh is the most awesome sound ever and he laughs a LOT. It’s easy to make him laugh, too. He’s very gentle. His world is still sunshine and lollipops. I can tell that by the stories he makes up. He draws–my God–his art is unbelievable. And he draws all the time. He’s really good at the Wii (he did Wii Fit for about an hour today!), and he’s super smart–got all 100s and is at the top of his class. After Adam leaves in the morning, he’ll come out and climb into bed with me to keep me company, hand on my cheek, of course.

On July 13, Adam and I went one day to DucKon 18, a sci-fi con that takes place in a Chicago suburb. I had a lot of fun. I got to hear great music (Vixy & Tony, SJ Tucker–who blew me AWAY with her song Firebird’s Child) and got to meet cool people. I bought a new worry stone in the dealer’s room. I also got to see Tesla Coils. They played music. Here they are playing The Imperial March:

And here is SJ, backed by Vixy, singing Firebird’s Child. It was this performance that almost caused me to fall out of my chair, and this performance that inspired me to run to the dealer’s room and buy her CD as soon as the concert ended before they all sold out. And thank goodness I did, because they DID all sell out!

(I want to go to more cons NOW.)

Today, happiness came in the mail for me. An arc of CATCHING FIRE. Yes, the sequel to THE HUNGER GAMES, (which I have read way more times than I could ever count). I have CATCHING FIRE right next to me. I am deliberately prolonging reading it to build the anticipation, but you’d better believe that once I’m done with this entry, I’m going to make myself a turkey sandwich and dive in. Oh yeah. *salivates*

Only 30 days until my and Adam’s one year anniversary. ♥

Only 50 more days until Disney World!

And a whole summer ahead of me. :)

To finish up, I want to say that I’m very much in shock and saddened by Michael Jackson’s passing. Wow, that was really hard to type. I am still in a state of STRONG disbelief over it. He was my first crush. I was seven years old, watching Billie Jean, and staring at the TV slack-jawed. It was love at first sight. And now… I just can’t believe he’s gone. I don’t know what will make me believe he’s gone. My friend Jen called me that night, to see if I was OK. I mean, I once got *really* upset because a bunch of people took my Michael Jackson doll and hid it or were abusing it or something. So yeah, this is hitting me hard when I let myself think about it, which really isn’t often, to be honest. I’m scared if I think too much about it, I’ll get too upset, and with Aidan around, I don’t want to do that.

‘Til next time.

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Mayday! MAYDAY! (Picture)

Holy banana, it’s May! The first part of April went so slowly, until Aidan got here. Then it sped by. Now, it’s already MAY. Which means only one week until Aidan’s here for Mother’s Day weekend! He lost his first tooth last week, and another is loose.

Chicago weather doesn’t seem to know which direction it wants to go. Some days, it’s nice, in the low 70s, but then it goes to the 40s or 50s and hovers around there. One day last week, there was a 30 degree temperature drop within an hour’s time. Insane!

Work hasn’t been too crazy, but things are supposed to ramp up like mad next week. I did end up working last Sunday and will have to work this coming Sunday as well. This past week, I just have not really been feeling myself. Burned out and tired is how I’ve been feeling. Kind of listless and blah. But tomorrow, I will go and get my hair done and even a manicure (the salon said they had a special because I booked over the phone–$15 manicures!), and hopefully feel relaxed and pampered enough to go into another… well, it’ll be at least a six-day work week. (I really need a 90 minute full body massage, but I don’t know when I’ll have time for such things, with my unpredictable work schedule.)

Aidan flies in on Friday morning to spend Mother’s Day weekend with me. That’s a YAY. I’m excited to see him. :) The BOO is that he’ll probably be spending a lot of next weekend with me at my office. We had a really crazy pitch in March, and the one coming up this week is supposed to be about three times the size. So… that means I’m going to be exhausted for a couple weeks there. Should have nice paychecks, though.

Which is always a good thing, right?

So, I haven’t posted for a few weeks. In those few weeks, I got a new messenger bag. It’s pretty big, but it’s pink and grey and it’s not canvas which is good because it’s definitely rainy season around here. I got two more American Girl dolls (and I promise, this is it for new dolls for a while!) and some clothes for them. This brings my total to five, which is a nice round number. I doubt I get any more. That’s not to say that same for little adorable doll outfits and clothes. ;) I also got Riley’s ears pierced, and the piercing came with a box of 6 pairs of earrings for her to wear. Adam thought I’d want to get all the other dolls’ ears pierced too, but I don’t think so.

Some people buy old dolls that need a lot of help and customize them. I think that would be a lot of fun. I’d make a Hannah Montana one. Haha. Anyway, here are ALL my girls:

My American Girls
Riley, Marisol, Molly, Kit, Ruthie
(None of them are in their original outfits, or what is known in the AG community as their “Meet” outfits.)

Today, I got to help a bit on the set of At Last, Okemah. I had a small part in the movie, but I had to drop out because of work being so crazy and unpredictable. Today was my first visit to one of the filming locations. I worked the clapboard. That means I had to hold it up in front of the camera and say “Scene 14, Shot 35, Series” or things of that sort. It was cool, but it made me nervous! I was told I did a good job, though. :)

I’m sitting here listening to music on my computer and singing along with some of the songs. Every time I start singing, Crookshanks, who is curled up against me, looks up at me and starts purring. :) I guess he doesn’t think my voice is all that terrible.

I’ve read two books recently. SUCKS TO BE ME by Kimberly Pauley, and PURE by Terra Elan McVoy. Getting ready to start on SLEEPAWAY GIRLS by Jen Calonita, which I got for free from a tweet from Book Divas! YAY for free books, right? I also picked up some books at Borders last weekend. There were a bunch of $3.99 ones all over the place. I grabbed a couple that sounded interesting: THE TEN BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE and THE SLEEPING BEAUTY PROPOSAL. They’re *gasp* adult books! :) But back into familiar territory, I need to get hold of Elizabeth Scott’s newest one because I love her writing.

Today, I got out of work early, and Adam picked me up. On our way back to the apartment, the car ran over a BAD pothole/railroad track. This nasty knocking sound came. We pulled over and couldn’t see anything. Fortunately, our car fixer-upper was really close, so we drove there and walked home. After an hour, Adam walked over. The tracks or something had knocked some stuff out of alignment and flattened the tires and bent some rims–it was not pretty. The guy told Adam a fix up like that would normally be $500, but since we live in the neighborhood, it was only $40. :D Now, I’m pretty sure it really wasn’t a $500 fix up, but it’s cool that it was only $40. And apparently, if we whine enough to the city, they’ll reimburse us for the costs. Not sure if Adam will pursue that, though.

Tomorrow, it’s supposed to be 62? and sunny, so my outing should be really nice. It’s also likely to be the last day I get to enjoy any warm spring weather for a while! But there are pros to working some of those late nights:

– They buy dinner.
– I don’t have to take the bus home; the company springs for a cab.
– I can wear my slippers and track suits or running pants.
– The money!!!!!!

And that, my friends, is about all. My brain is now fried. Good night.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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What a Week! (Pictures, Long)

Lots have gone on since I’ve last updated. I’ll try to make it simple for simplicity’s sake. This post is long! :)

· Riley has a friend! I went online looking at AG dolls just to see what was out there, and to decide which one I would eventually purchase. Well, last Sunday, I was Googling QVC and American Girl and came up with a random lucky link. Ruthie, one of the dolls I was considering, was being sold with her accessories, a book, a hair brush, and an extra pair of pajamas for $76. Whoa? The doll and paperback book is $95 when purchased through regular channels. All that extra stuff with the doll? You’re looking at about $160 right there. Factoring in shipping and tax, she came to $86. I couldn’t pass her up. (I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to stumble upon this link–it is not searchable at QVC.com.)

She arrived yesterday (4 days before she was scheduled to!) and she and Riley took to each other right away!

Ruthie & Riley

· This morning, my friend Kari, who I’ve known online for years now, flew into Chicago to visit with some old college chums. This morning, we all met up for brunch at Le Peep. I had the Belgian Waffle Combo like I always do when I go. :)

Of course, Kari and I took some pix!

Brunch with Kari!

Brunch with Kari!

· Earlier this week, Joey and Rory were at my work singing for us and chatting with us. Joey’s voice is so amazing and unbelievably beautiful. She makes it sound easy and effortless. They’re both very nice and I wish them the best tomorrow at the ACM Awards!! :)

· Today, I got to see RENT!!! They’re in Chicago until April 12, and Adam and I popped into a matinee. We were in the orchestra seats, row W, which was pretty good. Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal were amazing as Mark and Roger, and Justin Johnson was absolutely STUNNING as Angel. Lexi Lawson was amazing as Mimi. Actually, they all did a wonderful job and this production was OFF THE HOOK. I was smiling and clapping while tears were streaming down my cheeks.

Afterward, Adam and I met up with one of the stage hands and we waited in line while a few of the cast members came out. I got my picture with John Watson, who plays Mr. Jefferson and other roles, and Adam Haplin, who plays Gordon other little roles.

RENT in ChicagoRENT in Chicago

After all of THAT excitement, I got to pretend I was Mimi when the theatre was almost empty:

Ouuttt Tonighttt!

What a rush, let me tell you! I’m no Lexi Lawson or Rosario Dawson or Daphne Rubin-Vega, but it was fun anyway.

· I booked another Disney trip!!! Disney is offering Free Dining starting in August, and it took me about 20 minutes to decide to think about SERIOUSLY taking Aidan. He’s at the perfect age and I really want to do this for him. I got a quote from Mouse Fan Travel instead of going directly through the Disney site this time. Why have I never done this before? My agent, Suzy, is awesome. This place allowed me to hold a spot for three days while I waited to hear back about getting the time off work. Then once I put down the deposit, she told me the day my ADR window will open, and said she’ll make them for me! If a special deal comes up, this agency will apply the savings proactively. No fees, so hidden little leprechauns to catch me by unpleasant surprise. So, Aidan, Adam and I are going in August for a few days. We’re staying at Pop Century. I like the theming at the place. So cool. It won’t be a terribly long trip, and it’ll be crowded and hot, but the food will be free and we’ll make the best of it. We’ll be at DISNEY WORLD! :D

Naturally I am very excited. Aidan doesn’t know yet. I’d been debating on how and when to tell him. Some people tell me to wait until just a few weeks or days before. Others tell me not to tell him until we get there–but Aidan is way too bright to fall for that one. Someone else asked me why not tell him when he’s here in a few days? That way he can help me plan! We’ll do some sort of countdown, some activities, and just get ourselves totally worked up. So, I think I’ll tell him when he is here… but I’m not sure how yet. He’s really into guessing games lately, so I think I’m going to go that route. Should be awesome.

OK, I think that’s all from this week. My first week of April has been crazy! But crazy in an amazing, I am very grateful and extremely blessed way. ♥ I am truly happy, and so excited for Thursday evening!!!!

Until next time!

—————-
Now playing: Perry Farrell – Going All the Way (Into the Twilight)
via FoxyTunes

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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