1. Having short nails again!
2. Having the calendars I made at work be in popular demand.
3. Getting a THIRD chance.
4. The pretty autumn leaves.
5. Finally having a visual image of my new character.
I am seriously craving spaghetti. Like, seriously, dude. But it’s already nearly 11. Already time for bed. *sigh* I get litle free time as a mommy. Especially as a mommy with a husband who works 12-9. It’s frustrating because I want to write. I NEED TO. And I can’t, really. Well, I COULD. There are times. But I can’t really utilize them for the following reasons:
a. I’d get in trouble for writing during work.
b. I’d seriously screw my son up due to neglect.
c. I’d die of lack of sleep.
SO. What I need to do is find some time. MAKE some time, actually. I must pursue this dream 500%. I have to. I hope to get a lot done this weekend, actually.
I decided what I’m going to do about The Grove tomorrow. I’m not going to go for the whole thing. I’m just going to show up when there’s about 30 minutes left. I will get a piece of the service, but I won’t have to worry so much about Aidan, and I get to see my friends as well. Woohoo.
Of course, if I’m in a lazy mood, then the last paragraph is moot.
You know, the autumn leaves turning and the cool weather reminds me of the upcoming holidays. I have ideas of Christmas gifts to get people. Oh, it’s gonna be good. I love giving presents, and I have tons of new friends to buy stuff for! I can’t wait!! YAY for Christmas!
And you know, I hate “Cry It Out.” I really do. But I let Aidan do it last night and he cried for about 10-12 minutes before he went to sleep. Tonight, he only cried for about 3-5 minutes. He used to go down so easily. All he needed was his blanky, a bear, and some milk. I’d say “Good night, I love you,” and he’d smile and snuggle and then fall asleep. Now, he’s being extremely clingy and if I lean down to kiss him good night, he locks his arms around my neck and holds on for dear life. If I lay with him, he holds on and refuses to relax and go to sleep. I am not sure how to handle. I hate CIO, but is that my only option? Also, his staying up so late REALLY interferes with my writing. I guess updating LJ every night does so too. *sigh*
I need to get a handle on my priorities.
Did I ever mention I hate feeling ignored/pushed aside/like I’m being avoided? Or worse… like certain people don’t take me seriously. That when these people talk to me, they’re really either gathering fodder to make fun of me later, or thinking “This chick is stupid. Like I’m going to listen to anything SHE says.” I gather that about certain folks I know and talk to on a somewhat regular basis. I also hate feeling like I’m not #1. Okay, I KNOW I’m not #1 to everyone and that’s cool. But I always feel like I’m the last one most people’s priority list. It’s not a good feeling.
I wish I didn’t dwell on it, or worse, on certain people. It’s unhealthy. We’re all busy and there are seasons. Certain people bunch up and hang out and can’t get enough of each other for a time. Then it changes. Groups change. Friendships strengthen or weaken. Only the seriously welded bonds tend to last through the changing weather.
It’s so stupid, actually. Months ago, I was crying every night because I felt so lonely and longed so desperately for friends. I think I was emitting “PLEASE BE FRIENDS WITH ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD” vibes and that scared a lot of people away. But they came around, and now I sometimes feel overwhelmed with the social stuff I have going on. I want to complain, but then I say to myself “DON’T YOU DARE. NOT EVEN 6 MONTHS AGO YOU WERE PRAYING FOR THIS!11!11!”
I need to find a balance between everything. I need to live my perfect day….
(I probably have done this before, but it’s still fun. Like the lottery wishes and stuff.)
1. Wake up around 10 or so.
2. Have a relaxing morning with Aidan.
3. The governess would arrive to help with Aidan while I did some writing.
4. Break for lunch.
5. Do a bit of shopping, arriving at the mall (or Easton) in my silver Audi TT roadster.
6. Play with Aidan.
7. Play with new purchases.
8. Eat dinner with friends and with Aidan.
9. Bathe Aidan, then he’d go to bed happily.
10. I’d take a long, hot bath.
11. Game on the PC a bit.
12. Write til early morning.
See, I’d be rich, so I wouldn’t have to “go to work” all the time. Ah, what a dream.
Speaking of dreaming…