This week, our church is hosting it’s annual Christmas “whatchamacallit” (they actually say that) and the title is “but, God…” The two most beautiful words in the English language, right? Definitely a “devine but” (yes, they actually said that too). Usually, “but” followed by something means negativity. But in this case, it means something good came out of something sucky because of God.

Last week, I crashed big time. I don’t know if it was the higher dosage in the medication, or just circumstances, or maybe a combination of both. I crashed and I wanted it to be over. But God (heehee) showed me reasons why it’s not time yet. Firstly, there is Aidan. He gives me so much joy. I live to see that child smile. He’s special and precious and wonderful and amazing and funny as all bananas. Then there were my friends. The ones who took the time to email me, IM me, talk to me. The ones who were right there, praying for me, thinking of me, sending me hugs from thousands of miles away. The ones who tell me they need to hang out with me. Little Lucy, my kitty who cuddles with me every night and watches me type away on this laptop every night before I go to bed. How could I want to leave this?

God gives me gentle reminders of things I’ll miss out on if I were to leave this earth before He was ready. Little, silly things. Like Christmas. What’s in my stocking? I want to know! Aidan at age 5. That’s a biggie, but there it is. What new music will come out next year? What will happen next week on The O.C. Just little things to look forward to, little reasons to keep going. When I focus on those, I forget the overwhelming big picture and I stop freaking out so much.

So, that’s my “But God” story. For now, anyway. I’m interested to see this program. I’m not sure which show I will go to–there are plenty to choose from! :) I’m looking forward to it. Good night.

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