Quite honestly, I feel intimidated. So many authors I look up to have either been professors, or they’ve gone to Ivy League schools such as Columbia or Yale. And then there’s me, working an entry-level job at age 32 and with eight years of work experience, with a BA in Psychology from Ohio State University. I don’t really have an impressive CV, so I start to wonder if I have the smarts to make it as an author.

And the lack of discipline is really a challenge. It’s hard, though, after working all day, to come home and try to create. So I wonder, because I am whining so much about how much my brain is fried at the end of the day, if I really want this?

Good books. I want to write good books, but it’s so hard. It looks easy. It seems like it should be easy. The planning and the ideas is fun. The researching is amazing. The actual writing? OH MY GOD. Let’s just say… um, yeah. It sucks ass.

Ass, I say.

But I know I can do it. I KNOW it. I just need to sit my bootie down and focus.

halseanderson said she has different sizes of jeans. Big jeans for when she’s writing, because she has to bribe herself with snacks. Smaller jeans for revising, because revising is fun. I know that writergrl has her days of wanting to crawl under the desk and whimper. I know firsthand the things adamselzer goes through to make a good book. If those authors go through that, then I shouldn’t be feeling so alone, right?

But I do feel alone. I feel like my turn won’t ever come, mostly due to my fault of not either producing stuff that’s good enough, or producing nothing at all. Both of which is my own fault, both things I can fix with hard work and DISCIPLINE.

Discipline, because getting halfway to my goal and having the almost irresistable urge to bail is BAD. I’ve got to push through, be willing to write thousands of words that may be thrown out someday just so I can get to know my characters, develop them, and mold them into something readable and saleable.

Because quite honestly? I have no intention of working in anybody’s office (except my own) for the rest of my life. This is a decision I just recently made. What this means is that I have GOT to focus, I have got to work my ass off, because writing is the only way I’m going to be able to do that. I want the whole package. I love copy editing, I do. But I don’t want to have to answer to the rigid rules of an office atmosphere. Ideally, I’d be able to survive off of writing novels and freelance editing, but I know that I have to really hunker down to be at that point.

I miss having a writing friend who I can dish about all this stuff with. :( And I don’t mean just the technical stuff, but all the crazy, emotional stuff too.

Just as an FYI, I made a MySpace for writing: http://myspace.com/ronnithewriter When it asks for the last name, put in Davis. Security measure, you know. To avoid the spammers and scammers.

Anyway, I’m off for now. ‘Til next time.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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