Dear Columbus Drivers (especially those in mini-vans, Cadillacs, and Lexuses),

Is it really too much to ask you that when you’re on a highway where the speed limit is 65MPH, to go at least that much?? Especially if there is no traffic, the weather is clear, and there is no one in front of you? And… can I please ask you not to hit your brakes every few feet? Because see, it’s really annoying. I don’t understand why you need to slow down when you’re already going too slow. I mean, is your cell phone conversation that important that you have to hold up traffic?


Dear Jerk Ass Columbus-area Drivers of SUVs That are Way Bigger Than You’ll EVER Need In This City,

Stop acting like you can make your own damn rules on the road. When you see someone needing to merge on the freeway, don’t speed up and try to keep them from coming on, thus forcing them onto an exit they didn’t want to take. That’s just mean and being a bully, which is probably the reason you bought the stupid thing in the first place.


Dear ODOT,

Can you please come down here and do something to the entrance-exit systems on many of the Columbus roads? Because the way they’re set up is really annoying. Someone gets on a ramp, but about 500 feet ahead is an exit back on to the road one just got off of. If aforementioned SUV-drivers are doing their thing, someone can be easily forced BACK on the freeway from which he or she came, thus causing lots of frustration and agitation. Traffic is not lightening up around here. The vehicles are getting bigger and meaner. More and more people are settling in the city. Rush hour is turning into rush HOURS. More efficient entry-exit systems are needed. Desperately.

Common Sensely,

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Letter Writing & Stationery

About ten years ago, I used to love collecting stationery and stickers. But then I got out of the whole letter-writing mode and got more into email and such. I still have plenty of stickers left over from my scrapbooking phase, but I lost my stationery.

I do have a lot of scrapbooking paper, but it’s not lined, and I really prefer writing on lined paper.

I’ve discovered how much I miss writing letters and how much I’d like to get into it… however, I cannot for the life of me remember where I used to buy all the pretty stationery I used to have! I was thinking places like Target or Hallmark, but their selections are regretfully small. It’s all about notecards and things like that. I’m looking for letter sheets and matching envelopes. I don’t need personalized, and that’s all the online places seem to offer. For those of you who buy and use stationery, where do you go to get it?

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Dear Ronni,

Please refrain from listening to Les Miserábles CD 2 during work, especially the song “A Little Fall of Rain,” as it will most certainly cause you to start crying, thus possibly inviting embarrassing questions and uncomfortable moments (or laughter) if someone were to come to your cubicle for any reason.

Feel free to listen to the PCD CD, though. That one, combined with a can of sugar-free Red Bull, seems to do a fairly good job of keeping you awake.

Just looking out,

Dear Work Day,

Last month, I had spoken with you about moving at such a slow pace. I must confess myself disappointed that you have not sought to improve upon this. If anything, it seems that you now move more slowly than ever. This is unacceptable, and as it’s time for mid-year reviews, I must grade you at a “below level.” Until I see improvement, you will be put on probation, and you will not be allowed to move jobs or receive a raise.


Dear Kellogg’s.

Seriously, this is getting old. How many times are you going to create yummy snack bars, only to discontinue them, or distribute them in such a way that makes it virtually impossible for a fan such as myself to obtain them? You’re almost like a drug dealer. You started with the Double Chocolatey Chunk Rice Krispies Treats. At one point, one could purchase boxes of only those. Now one has to buy the variety pack, which only comes with THREE of the chocolate ones and SEVEN of the crappy plain ones. Remember, the plain ones also have their own box, so why does there need to be SEVEN of them in the variety pack? Honestly, is it necessary to manufacture SO MANY “original” Rice Krispies Treats? I don’t think so. Any old Joe can make the plain ones, but I, for one, cannot make the Double Chocolatey Chunk ones. Believe me, I’ve tried.

What are you trying to pull? Get someone hooked on the good bars, then ply them with the crappy plain ones? Because by then, one will be so desperate for marshmallows and crispy rice cereal bars that s/he will eat anything, right?

You did it again with the Split Stix. You put out the FABULOUS chocolate Split Stix, and it took me ONE BITE to get hooked. You have to nerve to still advertise them on all over your boxes and website. But what do I see when I go to the store now? ORIGINAL Split Stix. That’s all! Once again, you’re trying this bait and switch crap, and you’re going to lose your chocolate-loving fan base if you keep this up.

I suppose you’ll discontinue Cocoa Krispies next, so that one can’t even have homemade Chocolatey snacks. Please consider what you’re doing to your customers, I beg of you.


Dear Wal-mart,

You know what? You’re not even worth it.


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Dear Aidan,
My son, I love you so much. But why do you insist on asking the same questions over and over? Rephrasing doesn’t help. You should know the answer after one time, two if it was especially tricky. I’ll even give you three. But five, six, seven times? Not cool, little one, and it drives your mommy crazy.

Dear Time,
Why do you go so slowly during work, and so quickly during times of great fun? I really don’t understand it. Life might be a lot better for many of us if you’d go more quickly during the work day, and then slow down times of great fun. You MUST see the logic in this.

Dear Corinne and DJ,
I am almost finished with your story! Only 1800 more words until I hit my goal for the first draft. Then I get to revise. I’m excited about sending you two in the world–I think you’ll do well.

Dear Chicago,
I’m on my way!! See ya soon!

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