Day: February 1, 2007

A Dream Deferred

/ sad, writing

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

– Langston Hughes

Got an email from my agent. Only Yours has officially been rejected by every publisher. Every single one.
A year of submissions. A year of roller coaster emotions, wild hope, then hopelessness. Who wants to read about an REAL Christian girl with REAL struggles who may or may not make the right choices in the end? Certainly not the Christians. And certainly not the non-Christians. No audience. No sale. Another book, pushed, no SHOVED, maybe even kicked, under the proverbial bed.

On the one hand, I want to get back on that horse and show them. On the other hand, the odds against me seem almost insurmountable.

Right now I feel so many emotions. Sad, relieved, determined, tired. Nothing I can actually describe.

I’m sure the tears will come at 2am, when I’m wide awake, thinking of how much of a failure I am.

I know what you’re going to say. You’re not a failure. You’re going to make it. You have to keep trying. Keep believing. Keep focusing. JUST DO IT.

My dream is officially deferred.

Now what will become of it? Of me?

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Lists & Such

/ life, ronni, to do, work

It’s February 1, 2007, and I have a few resolutions for this month.

1. Write something, even if I ultimately deem it as crap.
2. Reduce fast food intake. I was “treating” myself twice a month or so, but I think I want to stop it all together.
3. Eat more vegetables.
4. Read four new books.

I also made a few decisions.

1. I am going to start using Mane N Tail products on my hair.
2. I am going to use my Barnes & Noble gift card to buy a copy of adamselzer‘s book for my mom, and I’ll have him autograph it for her.

Chores I did today:

1. Tidied up my room.
2. Washed (most of) the dishes.
3. Got a few groceries.
4. Did a load of laundry.

Interesting things I found out:

1. It’s VERY possible that it wasn’t the Ramen at all that made me so sick earlier this week. At least two other people were struck with it this week, and I remembered that I also threw up Saturday night. But I’d swallowed the wrong way and was coughing my head off, so I figured that was what had caused me to puke. As for the Ramen, I may wait a while before I actually test that theory…
2. The Columbus Metropolitan Libraries now have free wireless internet access!! Can I get a whut-whut??? As if I needed another reason to love the library. 🙂 🙂 🙂
3. A .54 lb steak does not need five minutes to defrost in the microwave.
4. Aidan plays VERY nicely with Play-Doh! 😀

* * *

I got to see Aidan today, which was a treat! Chris had to come by and pick something up and he brought Aidan along. Aidan’s such a good little boy, so funny and cute. Tomorrow I pick him up and we get to spend the whole weekend together. I think he’s excited. Especially since he discovered the Play-Doh. I’d like to take him to the library at some point, and maybe teach him some handwriting.

Today at work, I was checking some confirms/googol (which means that I’m checking revised confirm pages, even though confirms are supposed to be the VERY LAST STEP before PDFs and F&Gs and then bound book), and I found a page that I’d put a comment on. I’d requested that they put in the new SE redux, but apparently no one knew what I was talking about, because there was a self-stick note with THREE questions marks. Different colors, which means three people had no clue what I was talking about. My confusion came when I asked myself “why didn’t anyone just come to me and say ‘what do you mean put in the new SE redux? This IS the new one!'” And I could have said “No, see, the apostrophes are different sizes, and in the SE, that was fixed, but here in the TE, this SE reduced page is showing the old page with the different sized apostrophes.” Oh well. It got fixed anyway, and I got told I have a “good eye.”

And THEN I was copyediting these mazes for… well, a surprise to be launched May 31, 2007, and the instructions said “Help the gorilla find the grapes.” But at the end of the maze, there was a carton of JUICE! No grapes to be found, unless it was supposed to be grape juice, but I don’t know. It’s going to be a blackline master, so no one would have any way of knowing that it was supposed to be grape juice because it’s not in color. I love catching stuff like that. It’s fun.

Or maybe I’m just sadistic. I do enjoy making red marks all over things.

Lucy is on the floor, waiting for me to stop fussing around with stuff so I can give her loads of attention. She’s lying that way I love for cats to lay, with her front paws tucked under her. I think cats are so cute when they lie like that! 🙂

Lay/lie. God help me.

I think I’m ready to get off of the computer and read a bit. I got the sequel to Peeps out of the library yesterday, called The Last Days. I hope it’s as good as Peeps. I also just read the latest A-List novel. I swear, those books are like a train wreck. The name-dropping is sooo annoying, and the stuff that happens in them is way outlandish and over the top, but I can’t stop reading the damn things. It’s like Desperate Housewives for teenagers or something. I also read Anatomy of a Boyfriend, and that book is Judy Blume’s Forever for the 21st century.

Ta ta!

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