i confess.

i confess… that my internet connection is driving me bananas. everything is taking ages to load. every site has these huge dynamic images and infinite scroll and my connection is like “i’m just going to sit here and spin my wheels for five minutes wheee!” it’s not my computer. i just got the thing in february. all my software is up to date. i’ve tried different browsers. same issues. and i know it’s the connection because sometimes it fixes itself for a few minutes and works great. then it messes up again. and some of the work i do? completely internet-based. this needs to resolve itself NOW. (I know I know, first world problems blah blah blah….)

i confess… part of the reason i’m excited to visit my mom soon is that i’ll get to eat breakfast at bob evans. i haven’t had bob evans for nearly a year! okay, that’s not true. i’ve been eating the sausage that i have to cook–but it’s not the same as getting it from the restaurant. although it is close.

i confess… i am not completely happy with my blog header at the moment. it’s the same one i used last autumn… i want something simpler but not too simple.

i confess… i kinda suck at designing anything for my blog.

i confess… that as much as i used to love the disney channel, it’s getting to a point where i can’t stand it now. everything is too sharp and bright and it hurts my ears and brains. was it always like this? i don’t think so. i don’t remember mmc being so… jarring.

i confess… that i feel like i’m floundering. my loyola work is starting to settle down. i want to do stuff like go out and take pictures or travel or even go to the library or grocery store but then my energy level plummets and i’m like “lol just kidding time for sleep.” i just feel… blah. like, so much is happening inside me, but it’s too far away for me to get a grip on it. but it’s close enough that it’s weighing me down.

i confess… that i often feel awkward, ugly, and dumpy. even when i put on my cute new clothes (and boots) and makeup, i look often in the mirror and go “ugh. wow, god. ugh.” my eyes go straight to the flaws. trying to take a selfie with the back camera on the iphone? god bless us everyone. the funny thing is that people have been telling me lately, more so than i’m used to hearing, a lot of really nice things about my appearance. i don’t know why it’s so hard to believe them most of the time.

i confess… my hair has been awesome though. soaking it in coconut oil and then keeping it in braids for one or more nights is like…the best thing ever. i love how it smells and it makes my hair so pretty. coconut oil is amazing.

i confess… i think autumn colors are so beautiful and i’ve been obsessed with looking at the autumn-themed tumblrs. there are tons of them and the photos they post/reblog are gorgeous. my own tumblr is starting to take on that fall-like mood as well.

i confess… i have been super lazy in regards to my yoga practice. and adam did all the laundry so there really is no excuse. i have clean yoga clothing now.

i confess… i feel like i’m turning into a grumpy old lady. 🙁 that’s not the way i want to be. i’m so sensitive to everything now. noises. smells. bright lights. loud music and television (even more so than usual). i just want to hide in my bedroom and read. the mere thought of interacting with a lot of people overwhelms me. i make myself do it when i have to, but lately, i’ve been avoiding most social interaction.

i confess… i go through this every few years. i spend some time, about one or two years, being very social and very busy (hello, yoga teacher training and workshop management!), and then i shut completely down and keep to myself. the last time i was like this was in 2007. it’s weird.

post inspired by ilene at much love, illy.