author life

does anyone even read this thing?

/ 2021, aidan, author life, life, pictures, ronni, this night is ours, travel, work, writing

Once upon a time, someone said “the days are long but the years are short,” and as I grow older, that’s feeling more and more true. It’s been well over a year since I posted here, but it doesn’t feel that long. But it’s been many months, and time just keeps ticking.

(There are a lot of pictures in this post, and some of them are taking ages to load, so please bear with me and the servers. Sucks that I have to say this in the year of our Lord 2022, but what can you do?)

I’m still working, blessedly from home. I have a full-time job and various freelance gigs, and I’m still writing on top of that. I (re)started therapy in February 2021, and that’s still ongoing. My new game obsession is Disney Dreamlight Valley, which took the place of my Stardew Valley obsession from earlier this year. Playing cozy video games is definitely my self-care!

I redid my home office to match my aesthetic because pink is beautiful and it makes me happy! And because I spend so much time here, it only makes sense for my office to be a place I want to be. I have two setups and a total of three to four computers in my office. My MacBook Pro, my Razer Chroma gaming laptop, and two work laptops. Good times.

Good things and bad things happened in 2021, globally and personally. There’s been loss, but also birth. Sorrow and joy. Hope and despair. Such is the journey of life.

The Sad

My beloved Charlotte passed away in May of 2021 from cancer. She got sick super suddenly and deteriorated quickly, and my heart is still broken from missing her. She was only four years old. She should still be here.

collage of grey tabby kitty cat, from kitten to age 4

My bio father passed away in October of 2021. We were estranged. I hadn’t spoken to him in decades. And yet, the grief is still there a bit. It’s complicated. But it’s there.

The Joy

Aidan graduated high school, got accepted to every college he applied to, and chose to go to college in Chicago and move in with me and Adam! I was and am THRILLED to have my son with me full-time. He’s just a super amazing person.

I had a blast redoing his room, and my office as well. I ended up making almost everything in my office pink or white, which meant new desks, new shelving, and new chairs. I gave Aidan my old black desk and gaming chair. We installed shelving in his room so he could display all his collectibles and LEGO, and I put together an epic snack cart. That project was SO MUCH FUN. On both accounts. I have an epic snack cart, too.

In fall 2021, my baby started COLLEGE! It’s still hard for me to believe he’s a *man* now. But he’s the very best person I know.

It’s amazing to me that our little family raised this amazing boy. With co-parenting, friendship, and our love for Aidan, I think we did a pretty good job.

I sold another book! And I’m STILL WORKING ON THAT SAME BOOK. This Night is Ours is due to come out sometime in 2024 and I think we’re in the home stretch of edits. Here’s the book deal announcement. Back when I naively thought I’d be able to write a novel in 3 months. Ha. HAHAHAHAHA. So yeah, the date in the announcement is way off!

I’m excited for you all to read it.

Several months after the loss of Charlotte, we were finally ready to open our hearts to a new kitty. Enter Priya. Because it was 2021, we had to make an appointment to see kittens at PAWS. All of the kittens that day were not very socialized, and most of them were terrified of everything. Priya could be coaxed out of her hiding place with treats, and that’s how we decided on her. Initially, she only wanted Aidan to hold her. At home, she liked Miles right away, but he had to do the hissing thing. Establish his dominance. Now they’re best of friends. I’d never had a calico before, and I adore her so much. She’s finally trusting us (although a sudden movement or loud noise will still spook her, and she’s not a fan of strangers. She does like other cats, though), and she cuddles with me at some point every night. She’s not attached to my hip like Charlotte was, but that was special. I don’t know if any other cat will love me like Charlotte did. I’ll take what I can get from little Priya!

In late summer 2021, my bestie Rena had a baby, and I love that child like my own! Auntie Ronni will do anything for that sweet baby! Not posting pictures here to respect their privacy, but just know that every time I see that kid, my heart melts clear through the floor. Just celebrating all the lovely people in my life… that’s a blessing. Such a blessing.

The Adventure

In July 2021, I took my first trip on a plane since February 2020. I’d gotten vaccinated, and mask mandates were still a thing, so I felt fairly safe flying again. I visited Jennifer and her family, and it was just what the doctor ordered. Lovely summery weather, beautiful beaches, a spa day at The Ritz, and nighttime dinners on the boat. Such a great time.

I made it to Paris!

And I am absolutely enchanted by the place. It’s beautiful, and I cried when I saw the Eiffel Tower for the first time. The thing is awe-inspiring and enormous. And a bitch to climb. Make sure you go in on the elevator side if you want to go to the top. Because whew! I climbed up to the 2nd floor (see the middle band around the tower?). It was not fun. But I did it. Fortunately, an elevator was available to take me all the way to the top!

Then I got to visit the gorgeous Palace of Versailles (I always spell that wrong). I can’t even describe how amazingly gorgeous it is. And people lived there. What?

And of course, there was no way I was going to Paris without visiting Disneyland Paris!

Disneyland Paris has been a pipe dream for ages, and I never thought I’d get there. But … I put it on a vision board in 2017, and a lot of the things on there have come true! Maybe it’s time for me to make a new, updated vision board and fill it with more dreams, goals, wishes…

Anyway, Disneyland Paris was really cool and quirky. Some of the rides lasted longer than the rides at Disney World, and (Hyper)space Mountain was way more intense. I really loved feeling that Disney magic even in a new place.

I went down south and spent time with dear Jennifer and her (our) family. I took Aidan and my mom. We also visited Adam’s family. It was busy but rewarding and full of love. There were boat rides and Ulta trips and golf carts and Nerf wars and cookies and mac and cheese and beach walks and just so much goodness.

The Wind Down

I look back at my pictures and I’m just awed at the amazing people in my life. It’s easy to forget when anxiety and depression rear their heads and try to take over. It’s easy to forget when I isolate myself in my office (as pretty as it is) and take on too many freelance projects. And it’s easy to forget when I let social media define my self-worth, which happens way too often.

Speaking of freelance, the 2nd half of 2021 found me buried in work. The day job was super busy, freelance was out of control. It was like the world was waking up from 2020 and trying to make up for lost time. By the time Christmas rolled around, I was sick, exhausted, and overwhelmed, and making a point not to overwork myself like that in 2022!!!

But I am happy, overall with how 2021 turned out. I learned a lot, got to open my home, and see people again. I got to venture into the world again. I wish I could say it was a nicer world overall, but the jury is still out on that. I just have to hold on to the things close to me.

Eventually, I will update you on my 2022, but today’s not that day! It’s time for me to wind down and start getting ready for bed. YouTube and Gilmore Girls aren’t going to watch themselves, you know.

More soon!

2 Comments

soul searching.

/ author life, depression, pictures, ronni, sick, when the stars lead to you, writing

Hey friends, how’s it going?

Life is.. weird over here. If you’ve been following my socials, you know, but just in case you haven’t…

Here’s what’s good:

-one-

I GOT ARCs! ARCs are Advance Review Copies; uncorrected proofs that will be sent out to trader reviewers, bookstores, book bloggers, and other authors for potential blurbs. I have a copy of my book that I can HOLD IN MY HANDS and I’m just… wow.

IT’S GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO BEING A REAL BOOK!

With that, my pre-order links have gone up, so if you want a copy of my book, you can get it from any of these fine retailers:

amazon • b&n • indiebound • chapters

-two-

People have been ordering my book! I know this because amazon tosses up orange ribbons from time to time. I try not to stalk my book too much, but sometimes my friends will show me!

I mean… what??!!??

-three-

I got to moderate a panel at C2E2, a comics and entertainment convention that takes place in Chicago every year. This was my first time attending, and it is the COOLEST. Maybe my favorite con of all time. So, I got to be a moderator, and it was at a cool con, and it was an official author type thing, and I loved it so, so, so much. More of this in my life, please.

I mean, I got to be a guest and have a page on the website and everything. Wow!!

-four-

I started an author newsletter. You can sign up here! I’ve sent out 3 issues, which you can see here if you’d like. I think they’re a good time, but I might be biased!!

So yeah, some good things for sure. I’m hanging in there, I am. Spring is here. Well, it’s “technically” here. Weather wise… well, winter isn’t giving up without a fight. Which is normal for Chicago.

Where I’ve lived for 11 years now. WTF.

Here’s what’s weird:

First thing: my hair is super thin now and will not hold any curl. At all. And that’s depressing. I’ve ruined it and I’m either going to cut it all off and start over or get extensions. OK, who am I kidding? I’m not going to do anything.

I miss my curls, though.

Second thing: I’m gaining weight and I don’t like it. Mainly because I don’t feel like buying new clothes.

Third thing: shortly after I posted my last post, I came down with a migraine that felt like stabbing knives and ice picks through my brain. Then the week after that, I was blessed with the worst panic attack I’d had in at least 12 years. That happened while I was at my desk at work and IT WAS NOT FUN.

Have you ever had a panic attack? It had been so long that I’d forgotten what it felt like. I wanted to literally rip my skin off, then crawl under my desk and burst into tears. My stomach was messed up, I didn’t feel like myself, and I hated every second of it. My dear friend Wanda helped me hold it together through texts. I made it through the day and pretty much collapsed when I finally got home. Adam brought me McDonald’s.

I still don’t know what happened. 🙁

A week later, as I was walking across the bridge to the shuttle on my way to work, I fell and couldn’t get up. I had to ride in an ambulance (a first), and I got an X-ray. This X-ray, in fact:

You’ll know when you see it.

I had to have surgery the next day, and I haven’t been back to work since.

That was 3 and a half weeks ago. The knee is healing (although it’s still warm and swollen which I don’t like). I’m in physical therapy 3 days a week, and I have to do exercises every day. I’m slowly getting better. I use crutches to get around for the most part. I’m trying not to overdo it, but the world doesn’t slow down for a broken knee. I have painkillers for the bad nights, which, luckily, are few and far between anymore.

I didn’t know an injury like this messed with one mentally and emotionally as well as physically. It hasn’t been easy. But I’m managing. And trying to focus on the good.

  1. I didn’t break any teeth
  2. I’m expected to make a full recovery
  3. The cost of the surgery sucked up my 2019 deductible and out-of-pocket maximum, so yay for that
  4. No commuting for now!

Now….

Soul searching. Trying to figure out what’s next. I really don’t fancy getting back into the rat race of commuting and having to be “on” for 12 hours a day. But I need to make money. Steady money. Good money. Because I have at least $8K in medical bills coming and I need to figure out how to pay for that along with my other bills. Which means work-life balance is about to fly out the window … as I will need to work, work work.

And I need to write, which is not good money (yet). I’m also scared to write. I don’t know if I’ll even have time to write, since I’ll have to take on as much freelance as I can for the foreseeable future.

But that doesn’t stop me from wanting other stuff. I want to travel. I’m still healing. I have debt. My apartment is a mess. There’s always a million things to do and organize and sort out, and it’s so hard to get motivated. Or I get motivated at the wrong damn times (like when I should be sleeping, hence the insomnia yay). I have too much stuff (especially clothes and books) and I need to get rid of a lot of it. I want to play the Sims and watch Netflix. I want to sleep.

I know other stuff I want, but I’m scared to get it. And then my mind goes round and round and I get all tense and freaking out in my brain and even though I’m exhausted, I can’t sleep at night and my appetite is super weird and I’m TIRED.

So yeah. Soul searching. But I don’t think I’m doing it right.

Told ya things were weird over here.

4 Comments