pictures

truth.

10 May 2013 / friends, pictures, reflection, ronni

About 6 weeks ago, I wrote a post in which I outlined some of the self-talk that goes through my head:

1. Shut up, just shut up. You’re so stupid and NO ONE CARES.
2. I bet none of them really like you. They only put up with you because they have to.
3. OH MY GOD you are so dumb. Seriously, shut the hell up.

Just a few of the examples I struggle with constantly. There’s more, believe me.

But recently, I’ve been showered with a lot of goodness. Here are some of the things that people told me the past few days:

· I really love seeing your face around here.
· You’re one of the few people I feel is authentic.
· How could anyone not like you?
· I had such a good time with you this weekend!
· I get so excited when I see we’re working together!
· I miss you so hard.
· So lucky to know this beautiful one (the caption under a photo, posted by a friend, of me and her).

Every beautiful thing that someone told me made my heart swell. I could hardly believe it. People really felt that way about me? I wanted to take every one of those sentences, bottle them up, and save the bottle for those days when I feel ugly, like I’m doing/saying everything wrong, and like I’m making everyone mad. Or, those days when I start wondering what I can do to stop people from being mad and me and/or possibly hating me.

But this is so important to remember….

{via}

By being real and being me, the right people will love me, and I them. It all works out. I am so blessed.

It’s amazing how words can affect a person. I know that all the negative self-talk is no bueno. NOTHING good is ever going to come from being so down on myself. And when I think of how tingly and happy I felt when people were saying all those nice things about me, I wonder if I could recreate the same effect myself if I stopped talking down to myself all the time.

{via}

It’s hard to change those patterns. I need to practice and practice and practice. Words are very powerful–don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I need to feed myself more of this good stuff rather than hatred and vitriol. Who knows what I could accomplish once I stop talking down to myself and start raising myself up?

Who knows indeed.

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busy.

8 May 2013 / life, pictures, ronni

lately.

I started my new job last week, but so much went down even before that happened!

About a week and a half ago, Adam got his own car. A Prius. Which is good because I’ve decided that I’m going to drive to work rather than deal with taking two trains or a bus and a train. So now, we each have our own cars and he can go as he pleases during the day, and I don’t have to wake up at Oh God O’Clock in the morning to take public transportation!

The Prius takes some getting used to. It goes completely quiet at red lights, and there are all sorts of computery things on the dashboard and console. You turn it on by pushing a button. The first time we drove it off the lot, we were sitting there like “Uh, I forgot how to turn it on and make it go!” Ha. Adam’s an expert at it now. I think.

In celebration of that, I got my car detailed and also washed for the first time since 2006. I didn’t recognize her when I picked her up. Now she’s all clean on the inside. The outside is filthy again, which is why I rarely bother to wash it. The birds seem to think my car is the best toilet on the street.

We had a houseguest but didn’t get to spend a lot of time with him because we all had so much going on. K was in town for C2E2, a media convention run by the same folks who run ComicCon. Adam had tours and concerts to go to. And I’d planned a girl’s day with Missy, had some Moksha stuff to do, and I was doing some onsite freelance work for VSA.

The weather is slowly but surely breaking. There are leaves and flowers on the trees, and flowers actually growing in the ground. Now, I love flowers in the ground, but you can TOTALLY tell when they’ve just been put there as opposed to them growing on their own. I know that flowers are flowers no matter where they are. I just happen to prefer them wild and growing in the ground!

I started my new job and I like it. The morning commute is pretty good (15–20 minutes usually), but coming home takes twice as long as getting there. This seems to be a Chicago thing; my friend Jen says the same thing happens to her. It’s kind of annoying but I play my music and make sure I use the bathroom before I get in the car. If the red lights weren’t so… stupidly timed, things would flow much better. It’s easy to lose patience and get frustrated when I’m sitting at a red light and the light on the very next block is green, but by the time MY light turns green, the light on the next block turns red. Not *is* red, it *turns* red. This also backs up the traffic at the green light I’m sitting at, because all of those people can’t move because their light is red. I don’t know who designed the traffic light systems in Chicago but they need to be slapped.

I’m driving just about every day now, though. When I first moved here, I didn’t like driving here at ALL but I’m getting used to it. Though I still don’t want to drive downtown.

Hmm, what else?

Oh right! I got certified! 🙂 I know you all remember last year, when I was kind of freaking out about starting teacher training. And then I started and got overwhelmed and fell in love and hated it also and had all sorts of roller coaster emotions and situations come up. But I got through and I got certified and wow, it feels awesome that I did something like that. I’ve made some amazing friends, got to study with amazing teachers, and I learned a LOT about myself, about yoga, and the world.

What an incredible journey.

So of course, the week that I got certified is the week I got offered a job at an educational publishing development house. Now, anyone who’s known me for any amount of time knows that I’ve been editing/copy editing/proofreading for years now. I’ve had the pleasure of editing fiction, coupons, billboards, tee-shirts, letters, direct mail… you name it, I’ve probably proofread it or a variation thereof. But, as far as editing goes, my first love was/is always educational publishing. And this job–it really came out of nowhere. And I’m glad to be there. It’s a good team. It’s just funny how I finish up my teacher training and get offered a job in another field I love instead. I see you, universe!

I wore this on my first day:

What do you think? I’ve decided that I’m obsessed with that style of dress and would love to get more…if they go back on sale, like this one was.

Here are the other things I’ve been up to:

· I tried hot yoga for the first time last Wednesday. I sweat so much that my clothes were still soaked the next morning. Jen told me that I’m supposed to ring out the clothes before I throw then in the laundry basket or whatever. Now I know. I don’t know how I feel about hot yoga. It was 95F in the room. I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest, it was pounding so hard. The instructor said that was normal. Other people said it’s not. I didn’t feel like the heat made me stretchier, but I may have been expecting too much in that area. Maybe I’ll like it better if sweat isn’t dripping in my eyes, which means I need to get a headband or something. Or if it’s winter. We’ll see. I don’t know if I’ll go back before then. Which is fine. Winter can take its time coming back. Actually, I’m not completely convinced this year’s winter is gone yet.

· I resigned from the workshop management position at Moksha. Figured that with working full time, still doing freelance, still doing work-study for Moksha (gotta get my free classes!), plus you know, having a family and all, that something needed to give! It was going to be too much. But I still have workshops to work until the end of June, unless I can get subs.

· Worked two workshops and they weren’t bad. Mia’s tantric restorative was really amazing and then Reshma and I went to King Spa after. There, we ran into Jen! It was such a good time. I got a body scrub and got to enjoy my favorite Ochre room. Mmm, Ochre room. And Saturday night, I worked a kirtan. That ended up actually being a lot of fun, and kirtans are kind of labor intensive. But it worked out well, and I had a good time and got to spend time with fun people.

· The good thing about being so busy now is that I’ve not had much time to play Facebook games. I’ve been wanting to quit them for a while, so maybe I finally can.

· Rereading DIVERGENT by Veronica Roth. Because you know, they’re filming that movie here in Chicago and Theo James is in it and although it’s unlikely I’ll run into him (he keeps coming within 1/2 mile of my apartment for various things, though), I still plan to see the movie and support him because he’s one of my favorites. Plus, I remember enjoying the book on the first go-round. I think I rated it 5-stars on Goodreads. Next on deck is TILT by Ellen Hopkins.

· Making final plans for Disney World. Only 26 days away! We’re all getting sooooo excited! I’m debating whether or not to use a car service or stick with my original plan of using Magical Express. My friend Missy is dead set against me using a limo, in light of recent events in San Francisco. A town car just seems too…too. I’m not a fan of big ass SUVs, even if it is an Escalade, and I am DEFINITELY not getting a van! But the pros are that if I use a car service, we get a grocery stop and we don’t have to leave Animal Kingdom so early on the 7th. So… I need to decide which kind of car I’d want. The SUV is the most practical, to be honest, because none of us are light travelers and the extra room would be nice…but it’s an SUV and they’re ICKY. Aidan would truly get a kick out of the limo; I’m pretty sure he’s never been in one. It would be convenient and fun. BUT… Magical Express is so cool, too!

I’ll probably go with the car service.

Anyway, that’s enough for now. I need to start getting ready for bed. I have to be… NORMAL and stuff. Sleeping at night and being up in the day. What is this madness? I still struggle in the mornings, but tea helps.

OK, till next time.

6 Comments

accomplished.

26 April 2013 / pictures, ronni, yay, yoga teacher training

10 Comments

Well, It’s Been A Week

24 April 2013 / life, living in chicago, pictures, ronni, yoga, yoga teacher training

It’s been a long time since I’ve updated. I’m sorry. I’ve been busy or unmotivated or a combination of both. And I’ve been sick. Since April 5. Coughing all night, not sleeping well because of the coughing. Sneezing, sniffling. Stuffy head. It’s the cold that keeps on hanging on. Or, I’d be ready to update and something completely messed up would happen and I’d feel like it wasn’t appropriate for me to blog about how everyone complimented me on my awesome yoga pants over the weekend when more serious things were happening in the world.

And I did wear a lot of cute yoga pants the weekend of April 12–14. I was working and attending workshops led by Ashley Turner, who is an urban priestess and amazing. And she has beautiful blue eyes and can lead a hell of an asana practice. My butt was sufficiently kicked. And something stirred in me…the thought of being a priestess is very appealing to me. But it would take a lot of work and time…and I’m just finishing yoga teacher training, so I am not sure if I’m ready to delve into another yearlong journey of self-discovery just yet.

We all know how last week went. I don’t even think I need to go over it, but I will anyway, because it was something else.

April 15. I paid my taxes, and let out a happy sigh of relief that that was over for another year, then heard about what happened at the Boston Marathon. And all of the stuff attached to it, culminating in the showdown of sorts on Friday, April 19. I was scared for Boston but couldn’t help but think of those people who live that way every single day.

Flooding. We’ve been having way too much rain in Chicago lately, and there was some bad flooding. Adam and I were lucky enough not be affected by the floods, sink holes, and geysers, but a lot of people weren’t so fortunate. And the rain just won’t let up, and now, at writing time (11:58pm), snow is forecasted as well. 🙁

I don’t mean to make this about me, but I’m going to make it about me for a bit. My friends all over the country are posting their photos of them out in the sun, their blossoming trees, and wearing sundresses. Today? I was in a winter coat and boots. It’s been “spring” for over a month now but you really wouldn’t know it. It’s just as grey and bleak outside as ever… we did have the window open on Sunday to air the place out a bit. It was still cold (for me) but a lot of people took advantage of the low 60F temps to play outside and wear shorts and things. 60F for me is still coat, sweater, and jeans weather.

Explosion in Texas. Yeah. I can’t even imagine–going to work like any other day, and never coming home. It’s like… OK. In Chicago, on our highways, there are these signs they display the number of traffic deaths so far this year. I think, as of today, the number is 287. Those signs creep me the hell out. People going off to one journey or another and never coming home. Adam said that I shouldn’t get so freaked out about it because millions of people drive on our highways. But seeing those signs, with those numbers… I wish they wouldn’t do it. Because every time I’m driving on that freeway, I wonder if I’m going to add to that statistic.

There has been so much death and it gets me thinking all deep and dark when I’m up late and can’t sleep. Yesterday morning, Adam found out one of his classmates passed away. I didn’t know her very well, but we were friendly. We met up in San Francisco and had brunch back in 2007. She had such a kind heart. And now she’s gone and she was our peer and it’s just now really hitting me. I know that at some point in your life, your friends leave you, but I didn’t expect it to start happening while I’m in my 30s.

RIP pretty girl. 🙁

And then there is the beginning of life. On Friday, my cousin Mazayron had a baby girl. She’s beautiful and has a really cool name: Kimber. And my Facebook feed is clogged with photos of adorable babies in all stages of chubbiness and newness.

And I’m sitting here complaining about the effing weather.

Friday, I paid off my Disney World trip for June! Yea, my bank account is SUFFICIENTLY lighter now. Last week was an expensive week with that and with taxes. But it’ll be worth it. My mom is soooooo super excited and it’s adorable.

Also on Friday, I drove out to Naperville to meet Sarah Dessen again. You guys have no idea how much I adore this author and her books and how amazing she is with a crowd. I look up to her so much.

My favorite author @sdessen and me!!!! #sarahdessen #lilrongal

I first started reading her books either in 2004 or 2005. I used to start my day by her daily blog posts. I never thought I’d get to meet her, and now I’ve been blessed enough to meet her three times.

One of my favorite actors is in town filming a movie, and it’s kind of driving me mad that he’s so close yet so far away. I have no idea how to go about tracking down a movie star and frankly, I’m too lazy to do so anyway, so I just hope that I run into him and his co-stars when I’m walking down the street or something. I have until July to make this happen.

Not that I’ll have time for movie star stalking anyway. Because I was offered a job with Rainbow Educational Concepts and I accepted. I’d been freelancing for them on and off for a few years now, and they realized they needed help in their Chicago office. It’s a “term of project” job, for a year, we’ll decide where to go after that. It’s basically a yearlong temp job, which I’m perfectly fine with. It’s educational publishing–you guys know how much I love that. I’m just a bit weirded out about going into an office again, and working 9–5 and being up like normal people. I’m going to be drinking a lot of tea to get back acclimated to normal days again. It should be cool, though. Reverse commute, I can wear jeans in the office, and they’re pretty cool about all the time off I need in the next couple of months. I start May 1.

This Was My Saturday Afternoon #homework #yogateachertraining #yoga

Saturday, I turned in the rest of my work for yoga teacher training. A paper on Urdhva Dhanurasana (was supposed to be 3–5 pages, mine ended up being 9), my thesis, book reviews, study questions, and private lesson write ups. I attended a backbending thesis workshop at the end of May, and here I am doing a kick ass Urdhva Dhanurasana:

Now that all my yoga teacher training work is DONE, FINITE, COMPLETED, I can commence my Twilight movie marathon. Don’t hate. It’s some mindless fun to celebrate all the work I’ve done over the past year.

The last two Tuesdays, an actor from the show I love, Golden Boy, has been live tweeting with fans during the show. It’s so cool because she tries to interact with everyone who tweets to her. I’ve been having a lot of fun with that. She seems to be having fun, too. And yesterday, I was an extra in a video for a web series. It was probably the easiest video shoot I’ll ever be on in my life. I had fun!

Tomorrow and Thursday, I’ll be working at VSA, and Friday evening I have a dinner at Daren’s loft. Saturday is Girl Time For Girls, which means manis and pedis with my friend Missy, and Sunday evening, I have some stuff to do at Moksha. So… I plan to use Monday and Tuesday of next week to just… enjoy. Relax, maybe get a massage or something to psyche myself up for being a part of the 9-5 crowd again.

So, the past several days has been up and down for me. But, I keep trucking.

In the meantime, I need to get to bed. I’m already going to be hitting the coffee machine once I get there, but maybe just for cocoa. (Although I’ve been craving fancy coffee drinks lately–WTF has Starbucks done to me?)

Till next time….

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Spring Break! Woooo!

7 April 2013 / aidan, living in chicago, pictures

Aidan flew in the evening of March 28. When the last flight comes in, it’s almost always guaranteed there will be a delay, and this time was no exception. Except the delay never actually happened. Things got squared away on the departing side really quickly, so Aidan arrived even before his original scheduled arrival. How often does that happen? 🙂

We had a fun, low key spring break. We spent most of time hanging around the apartment and relaxing, playing video games (we played Harry Potter using our “dudebro” voices) and just chilling out. It’s always nice to do that. I’d managed to clear most of my week just so Aidan and I could hang. It was challenging to keep my schedule clear, but I did it for the most part.

We went out a few days, but our biggest adventure was hitting the Shedd Aquarium. A few locals advised us against it. “It’s spring break, it’s going to be a mess!” they said. But Aidan and I met up with the woman I babysit for and her two sons, and we headed out anyway. And it turned out to be fine. It was crowded, but not so much that I was super annoyed or anything. We got there early, and because she had a stroller, got to bypass the main ticket line and use the accessible line. I upgraded our tickets because Aidan wanted to see sharks.

He got his wish.

We got to touch a sea star; Aidan didn’t like that much. We also saw penguins, pretty fish, whales, a snapping turtle, and other beautiful things.

The Wild Reef exhibit was my favorite. I’ve always loved coral reef, so seeing it there was amazing. Coral reef fascinates me. It’s teeming with life–thousands, if not millions of organisms make it their home–and it’s so delicate that it can only survive in the most exacting of environments. Once upon a time I fancied having a coral reef tank, but they’re too hard and expensive to maintain. Thank goodness we have the Shedd, right?[1. I used to have freshwater tropical tank many years ago. I really miss having an aquarium. It was so calming and beautiful. We just don’t have room for one where we live now. :(]

Of course there was souvenir shopping. Aidan wanted plushies. First, he was desperate for a stuffed penguin. I told him to wait until we were done looking at things because I didn’t want to lug the thing around. Then, by the end of the visit, he wanted a stuffed shark. So we headed to the gift shop. I was expecting to spend $25–30 on a single plush for Aidan, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were TWO for $30! Well then. So Aidan got two sharks and he named them Saw Blade and … well, shoot, I know the other one had Hammer in his name somewhere but now I can’t remember what his name is. Anyway, he was happy.

And man, some of the things that come out of that kid’s mouth!!

Aidan: There are so many movies coming out that I don’t care about!

Ronni: Oh hell no.
Aidan: Oh heaven yes!

Aidan: Would you like this Easter egg bubblegum? It’s egg-flavored gum. Just kidding!

Aidan: Mom, you need to buy a new mirror. That’s a funhouse mirror.

He’s right about the mirror. It does a number on my self-esteem when I’m standing in just the right… or maybe wrong place.

Aidan flew back to Ohio tonight. The gate agent sat him next to another UM–an 11 year old girl–so he’d have someone to talk to. The next time I see him, he’ll be arriving for the summer. And two days after that is Disney World!

So, that was my spring break in a nutshell. It was a good one. Hope yours was good, too.

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