ronni

We Want More, Always.

17 June 2005 / money, ronni, sick, work, writing

I’ve been sick the past few days. Monday, it had to be the result of something I ate on Sunday (Brunch with Becky!) I was weak and running to the bathroom and well, it was not fun. I took the day off. I’d originally planned to take 1/2 day and come in for the afternoon. I got up at 11, realized that I was weak and dizzy, decided to shower anyway (you know how you’re sometimes better after a shower?) and well, I only felt worse. Back to bed I went. I got Aidan and was glad when Chris got home.

Tuesday was okay. Busy but okay. I felt tired, but emotionally as well as physically. Just BAD. My hair looked like crap and I could not get it to behave. 🙁 Copied the Bark but decided against going to The Grove. Lots of reasons for that.

Wednesday was a bad day. Until I got to Life Group. Funny that I’d been ready to skip out and go to Easton with Bizzy–but I had Aidan and no stroller. Sorry but shopping mall + 2.5 year old – a stroller = BAD NEWS. So I decided to nix the Easton idea and head to the Group. It was pretty fufiling, but I was tired and falling asleep. The emotional fatigue was wearing on me.

Yesterday was the worst. I could not keep my eyes open. I took a short nap during lunch. No help. I fell asleep as soon as Chris got home from work (645ish). I slept, then got up and had a quick dinner at 10. Went upstairs, played on the computer and read til 10:45. Then back to sleep for me. Until I woke up after hearing a large crash come from Aidan’s room. Then Aidan got up and came to our door. I opened the door and he was crying. I picked him up, he said his diaper had fallen down. Indeed, it had. When I went to change him, he asked to use the potty. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! That was awesome. I gave him lots of praise. Then he said “I go mommy bed.” So I put him in bed with me and he was asleep in no time. I played on the computer for just a little bit, decided it was too much, and tried to sleep. Only I had to use the bathroom. And again. And again. And I’m still going.

I seriously hope I don’t have IBS. That would suck so badly.

So much stuff is going on this weekend I don’t have time to do them all. There is a Memories (scrapbooking) Expo at Vet’s. Joyce Meyer is at Nationwide Arena. There is a huge birthday party tomorrow night. The Gahanna Creekside Festival. The Latino Festival. And guess what? I HAVE NO MONEY. I am completely broke. I have nothing. It’s pathetic, actually, how much debt I’m in now. I think the debt to income ratio–I’m not even going to mention it. I’m stopping the chiropractor as of today. I know they’re going to fight it, but I don’t have the money. I have to do something–I am thinking of calling CCC. I’m tired of this. I’ll never get ahead if this keeps up. I’m in a circle and I’m falling, falling, falling. Another reason I avoided Easton yesterday. No more temptation, then no more shopping, no more spending, right?

So, the all-emcompassing fatigue is gone, but I still feel icky. Had a bad dream. Lots of bad feelings about people that I was holding in all came out in my dream. The people I am harbouring something against–I confronted them about it in my dream. Well, basically one person. But in front of the other one involved in the issue. I remember being frustrated and angry and then going off. I remember parts of the dream where I did not feel welcome. It was a crappy dream. But it did feel good to get stuff off of my chest in the dream. As if I’d be able to do it in real life, though. And anyway, it won’t even matter soon. I hope. So yeah. Stupid dreams. Although the release of tension in the dream is probably what is making me not as tired today. It’s not weighing me down anymore.

I am so sick of automated phone systems. You know, the ones that make you listen to 84548578 menus and never give an option to speak to a darn person? Grar.

Sunday we’re supposed to be going to King’s Island. Now, before the lectures about money start rolling in, please realize that it’s free and the meal is included! Chris’s company picnic takes them every year, and he gets two free tickets. Good Times. So since it’s free, I don’t expect we’ll have to be there the entire day. It’ll be fun for Aidan, especially if we meet some characters (they have Yogi Bear and such there, I think).

I don’t like the way I feel now. 🙁

I’ve started reading the “Color Me” series by Melody Carlson. I didn’t realize they were Christian until I looked up the website, and then the kids in the book started talking about God and Jesus and stuff. Not sure if I liked it or not, but it’s in MY novel (although mine is not a Christian novel, per se). I was delighted to see dancing. I thought the Christian publishers were anti-dancing?

I want to work on my writing. There are a couple of authors and agents who have Live Journals and when I read their journals, I get that scarycrazyomgexcited feeling in my stomach. Then I get all inspired and excited. I hate how the feelings dance all around, ranging from flat out confidence and hope to “there is no way I’ll make it. There is too much competition, it’s too hard, blah blah.”

In other words, I am so happy that it’s Friday! You have no idea how happy I am that it’s Friday. So so happy. 🙂

Even though this weekend will be kind of busy. I have chiro tonight and I have to stand my ground and discontinue. Driving for an hour there in rushhour to be treated for 10 minutes is frustrating. Then there is the monthly fee. I simply cannot add anymore debt and I don’t have cash to pay for it–too busy paying off the other debt!

Tomorrow, I have Aidan duty all morning. Then off to a baby shower at three, then hanging with Jennifer. Depending on when I get done there, I might attend a party or see what Rob and the GANG is up to. Sunday is King’s Island. Then it’s back to the ole grind Monday.

If only I could find a job that is fufilling. At least Boss #2 is here, though.

Reason number 489574985798 why Boss #2 is so fun:

Ronni – I need money from you.
Boss #2 (reaches in pocket, digs around, pulls out a $20) – how much you need?

Isn’t that great? HAHAHA.

I actually did have a good reason for demanding money from him. Operation Feed stuff. Word.

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Oooh, neat!

12 June 2005 / ronni

Link: http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

You entered: 12/20/1974

You were born on a Friday under the astrological sign Sagittarius.
Your Life path number is 8.
With the Life Path of the number 8 you are focused on learning the satisfactions to be found in the material world. The Life Path 8 produces many powerful, confident and materially successful people. You are apt to be very independent, forceful and competitive. Your routine is involved in practical, down-to-earth affairs, and there is relatively little time for dreams and visions. You will want to use your ambitions, your organizational ability, and your efficient approach to carve a satisfying niche for yourself. Most of your concerns involve money and learning of the power that comes with its proper manipulation. This Life Path is perhaps the one that is the most concerned with and desirous of status, as an accompaniment to material success. If you are a positive 8 you are endowed with tremendous potential for conceiving far-reaching schemes and ideas, and also possessing the tenacity and independence to follow them through to completion. In short, you are well-equipped for competition in the business world or in other competitive fields of endeavor. You know how to manage yourself and your environment. You are practical and steady in your pursuit of major objectives, and you have the courage of your convictions when it comes to taking the necessary chances to get ahead.

The negative 8 can be dictatorial and often suppresses the enthusiasm and efforts of fellow member of the environment. Often, the strength of their own personality excludes close feelings for other people with whom they come in contact. Material gains and rewards often become issues of utmost importance, even to the neglect of family, home and peace of mind. Dedication to success can become an obsession. Emotional feelings are often suppressed by the negative 8, resulting in isolation and loneliness. All Life Path 8 people must avoid discounting the opinions of others.

(^ Hmm, that is SO NOT ME!!!)

Anyway…

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2442401.5.
The golden number for 1974 is 18.
The epact number for 1974 is 6.
The year 1974 was not a leap year.

As of 6/12/2005 9:53:20 PM CDT
You are 30 years old.
You are 366 months old.
You are 1,591 weeks old.
You are 11,132 days old.
You are 267,189 hours old.
You are 16,031,393 minutes old.
You are 961,883,600 seconds old.

There are 191 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 31 candles on it.

Those 31 candles produce 31 BTUs or 7,812 calories of heat (that’s only 7.8120 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.54 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birth tree is:

Fig Tree, the Sensibility

Very strong, a bit self-willed, independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a butterfly, good sense of humour, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.

(^ That IS me!)

There are 196 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon’s phase on the day you were born was waxing crescent.
Friday, December 20, 1974

Moon’s age (days): 6
Distance (Earth radii): 63.50
Percent Illumination 39.44%
Ecliptic latitude (degrees): 5.06
Ecliptic longitude (degrees): 342.88

Neat, huh? 🙂

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After The Shower…

11 June 2005 / ronni

Mmm, now that I’m all fresh and clean (and starving!) I can think more clearly.

I really do feel like there are two of me anymore. The me who is starting to get fed up with certain things and is vowing to take steps, but the old me. And that’s confusing when I don’t even know who I am or who I want to be.

I guess I’m just dealing with a lot, which really isn’t that much. I really am more cheerful now because the house is coming together. Clutter is horrible, it closes in on me and makes me feel suffocated. Which in turn makes me feel stressed and cramped and cranky. So now that there are open spaces again, I feel better. I know some of my entries haven’t reflected that, but you know.

So yes. The master bedroom and bathroom are clean! Aidan’s room is clean! I moved the bookshelf from the guestroom into the master bedroom, and now all the books that are residing in my room have a home instead of being stacked on the floor. I can keep my library books together so I wont have to worry about losing any. I even cleaned out my bags and purses! All of them!! I made the bed, put away some of my laundry. Wheeeee!

Then I took a shower. Now I smell yummy.

So, the time sensitive thing for a certain someone MAY be even MORE time sensitive and crucial now.

THAT SUCKS! On lots of levels! But I’ll deal.

Hmm. I’m reading this book called “Life In The Fat Lane” by Cherie Bennett. Everyone who sees me reading it and cares enough asks me why I’m reading a book about fat people. Then the hinting at eating disorders remarks come. If only they knew…

Speaking of eating. I’m starving. So I should go and do that. Later…

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Radical Change

11 June 2005 / ronni

The people-pleasing Ronni is gone.
She should have never existed.
It’s time for a healthy, empowered, dream-chasing, assertive Ronni to come to light.
One who won’t take crap from people.
One who will stand up for herself.
One who will no longer try to get people to like her by not being who she truly is.
One who will no longer pretend.
One who will no longer have time for those who treat her as if she’s “better than nothing” or a nice backup plan.

Maybe you won’t like the new Ronni.
Too bad.

Deal with it or go away.

However….
This does not mean I’m going to turn into a total bitch. But no longer will I go out of my way to impress those who couldn’t care less about me.
No longer will I keep quiet to appease others. I’m tired of people thinking they can interrupt me when I’m talking, knocking my ideas without giving them a fair shot, shoot down my choices because I’m not behaving in the way THEY think I should, or making the choices they think I should be making. I’m tired of being controlled and treated like a child.

It’s time I start standing up for myself.

My counselor once said to me “Don’t let anyone treat you in a way you wouldn’t want Aidan to be treated.”

It’s time to take her guidance to heart.

—-

**Disclaimer**
This was not directed at any particular person or group of people. But if you found yourself getting defensive, maybe there is a good reason why, perhaps having nothing at all to do with me. It’s just time that I grew up.

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Protected: A Short Note

11 June 2005 / protected, ronni

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