I was thinking too much in the car today. We were on our way to Target, where I was going to get some “do-rags” for my hair. Of course, I completely forgot, so I get to go back another time. See, my hair is out of control bad lately, so I need something to cover it up when those bad hair days hit. I noticed that Ivy wears them a lot and she looks so cute in them. So, I need to get some for me. They shouldn’t be too expensive, right?
Anyway, on the way to Target, I saw some women drive by in a Mercedes. They had that “rich” look. You know, perfect, slick shiny hair, evenly tanned skin, perfect makeup. And I thought to myself “I want to look rich.” Then I was confused. I’m also a wannabe hippie. Or candyraver. How can all of these MEs reconcile? There is the wannabe rich me. The one who wants to have that polished look. The one who wants to wear Tiffany jewelry, carry designer purses, and wear Uggs. The one who wants to drive a silver Audi TT roadster, eat in fancy restaurants, and travel all over. Then there is the hippie/alternative/whimsical me. The one who wants to wear do-rags and have 2 ponytails and glittery cheeks and wear long skirts and pink Chuck Taylors. Or no shoes at all. The one who wants to (legally) smoke weed (why don’t they just legalise the stuff, seriously?) after a long day of mommying and working. Then there is the tech geek me. The one who is OBSESSED with electronics–the newer and shinier the better. The one who feels empty without some contact with a computer at least once a day. There is the Christian me, the one who wants to love Jesus with all of her heart and soul. But then there is the potty-mouthed me, the one who longs to type out sh*tmotherf*ckerf*cksh*t WITHOUT the stars. Honestly, I know people are complex, but isn’t this going a bit far? I can’t be a rich-looking lady and a hippe-looking lady at the same time. It’s just not possible. At least, I don’t think it is. And I can’t be a good Christian with that kind of mouth, can I? I’m so torn. Sometimes, I want to let the cusswords FLY and I stop myself. Or I make up other silly words to replace it. Words like plip and stuff like that. So, now what? Do I have to choose? Is it possible that I can be all of those?
I am struggling to be myself. To FIND myself. I will be 30 (I can’t believe I’m admitting this) in a little over 2 months, and I’m having an identity crisis. Sad, isn’t it? I think it’s because where I am, I’m not sure if that is where I want to be. Right now, I’m a mom, a wife, a secretary. I’m not okay with one of those things. Can you figure out which?
I stole this from hunan:
1. Tell me something obvious about you.
I want to be an author.
2. Tell me something about you that many don’t know.
I worry. A LOT. Wait, maybe that’s not so secret….
3. What is your biggest fear?
4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut?
5. Name one thing you want that you can’t buy with money.
A marriage like Chad and Christy’s. Just don’t know if that will ever happen, or when.
6. What is your most treasured possession?
My son, Aidan.
7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often?
Spend money recklessly.
8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don’t know.
9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows.
Again, no comment.
10. What is your favorite lie to tell?
I like to tell everyone “That wasn’t me, that was Leah.” (Leah’s my sister)
11. Name something you’ve done once that you can’t wait to do again.
Go to Disneyworld!
12. Are you the jealous type?
13. What is the one person, place or thing you can’t say no to?
Mostly… Aidan’s crying, especially when he just wants to spend some time….
14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
I can’t narrow it down. People do nice things for me all the time, I wouldn’t dare rank them.
15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
Quit my job and become a full time writer.
16. When was the last time you cried?
Wow, it’s been a while. I think a few weeks ago, when I didn’t get that job I was going for.
17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
Hmm. Not sure. Probably when I was on those painkiller drugs at the hospital for my kidney stone. Those were NICE.
18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
I wouldn’t know, I’ve never tried it.
19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk.
Well, my roommates (at the time) claim that I was totally throwing myself at this one guy. I guess he fell for me, too. I totally do not remember this. Thankfully, it was 7 years ago, so everyone should be over it now.
[x] The shoes you wore today: this morning and early afternoon: Aeropostale running suit. This evening, nice Gap jeans, a white shirt.
[x] Your eyes: hazel
[x] Your fears: tornadoes.
[x] Your most overused phrase on aim: banana
[x] Your thoughts first waking up: aww, everyone’s trying to be quiet.
[x] The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: hair
[x] Your best physical feature: eyes and smile
[x] Your bedtime: midnightish
[x] Your most missed memory: ?
[x] Pepsi or Coke: neither
[x] McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonalds
[x] Single or group dates: Both are fun
[x] Adidas or Nike: neither. Skechers, baby.
[x] Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
[x] Cappuccino or coffee: neither
[x] Smoke: Ew, no.
[x] Curse: sometimes
[x] Take a shower everyday: either that or a bath.
[x] Have any crushes?: not really
[x] Who are they: :[
[x] Do you think you’ve been in love? Yes
[x] Want to go to college: Yes!
[x] Like high school: I hated it. :[
[x] Want to get married: I am married – 8/5/00
[x] Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: Yes!
[x] Believe in yourself: Not really. Sometimes.
[x] Get motion sickness: Yes. I don’t always throw up, though.
[x] Think you’re a health freak: NO WAY
[x] Get along with your parents: My mom.
[x] Like thunderstorms: I am terrified of them.
————IN THE PAST MONTH DID / HAVE YOU————–
[x] Gone to the mall: Most definitely.
[x] Eaten sushi: I will next week!
[x] Been on stage: No
[x] Been dumped: No
[x] Gone skating: No
[x] Made homemade cookies: YES!
[x] Dyed your hair: No
[x] Stolen anything: If you count… never mind.
—————–HAVE YOU EVER——————
[x] Flown on a plane: Yes
[x] Missed school because it was raining?: I don’t think so.
[x] Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: Yes
[x] Cried during a Movie?: Yes
[x] Ever thought an animated character was hot?: I thought Aladdin was pretty cute.
[x] Had an imaginary friend: My mommy said his name was Ryan.
[x] Cut your hair: Yes
[x] Had crush on a teacher?: No
[x] Been caught “doing something”: Doing what?
[x] Been called a tease: Not to my face.
[x] Gotten beaten up?: No
[x] Been in a fight: No
[x] Shoplifted: When I was little, but I didn’t know it was stealing then.
[x] Age you hope to be married: I got married at 25
[x] Numbers of Children: ONE
[x] Describe your Dream Wedding: I think it’s funny that this category is called “the future.” I had my wedding over 4 years ago.
[x] How do you want to die?: Sometimes.
[x] What do you want to be when you grow up?: Author.
[x] What country would you most like to visit? Japan, Austrailia, Scotland, Ireland, England
[x] Best eye color: blue or green
[x] Best hair color: brown or darker
[x] Short or long hair: short (and curly and/or baby soft!)
[x] Best height: 6ftish
[x] Best weight: around 170
[x] Best first date location: FOOD
[x] Best first kiss location: ?
[x] Number of Boyfriends/Girlfriends: 3
[x] Number of drugs taken illegally: 1
[x] Number of people I could trust with my life: 1
[x] Number of CDs that I own: Too many
[x] Number of piercing: Just my ears now.
[x] Number of tattoos: None.
[x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? at least 3
[x] Number of scars on my body: I have a scar on my knee, one on my elbow…
[x] Number of things in my past that I regret: Dont’ even get me started….
[x] Shampoo: Optimum Care
[x] Fav Color(s): Pink!
[x] Day/Night: Night
[x] Summer/Winter: Fall or Spring…
[x] Lace or Satin: neither
[x] Fave Cartoon: The Proud Family
[x] Fave Food: Spaghetti. Always.
[x] Fave Movies: I don’t feel like listing them now.
[x] Fave sport: Gymnastics
[x] Right Now Wearing: Blue nightgown
[x] Drinking: Fruit punch
[x] Thinking about: How I really need to get to bed.
[x] Listening to: Nothing.
—————IN THE LAST 24 HRS——————
[x] Cried: No
[x] Worn jeans: Yes
[x] Met someone new online: No
[x] Done laundry: No. I didn’t have detergent. I’ll be doing that tomorrow.
[x] Drove a car: Yes
—————DO YOU BELIEVE IN————–
[x] Yourself: Sometimes
[x] Your friends: Sometimes
[x] Santa Claus: Okay! : )
[x] Tooth Fairy: Not really
[x] Destiny/Fate: Yes
[x] Angels: Yes
[x] Ghosts: Yes
[x] UFOs: Well….
[x] God: Yes, and I love Him!
————FRIENDS AND LIFE——————
[x] Do you ever wish you had another name?: I did when I was younger. I wanted to be named “Lisa”
[x] Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: I have a husband.
[x] Do you like anyone?: Um….
[x] Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: Hmm. Ivy, I think. Or maybe not. I don’t know!
[x] Are you close to any family member?: Mommy
[x] What’s the best feeling in the world?: Feeling content
[x] Worst Feeling?: Feeling rejected and/or betrayed
[x] What time is it now?: Bedtime
Anyway, enough introspection.
Chris, Aidan and I went to Lake Hope this weekend. We took Chad and Christy with us. It was nice. We got there at about 2 or so. I’d fallen asleep, and Aidan had fallen asleep. So when they went to go to the Moonville Tunnel, I stayed in the car with Aidan. Then Chris and Christy went to look at old graves while Chad and I talked in the car. Apparently, there were grave stones of people who had died in the War of 1812. How amazing is that?
We checked into our cabin early, and it was NICE. I do have a couple of pictures to upload sometime. It had 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a HUGE fireplace, a deck, a fire ring, a full kitchen with dishes, AC, electricity, and basic cable and a VCR. We grilled out dinner and fed these two fat cats that were hanging around. They were so cute, meowing and stuff. I’m sure they loved us; we gave them meat. And cheese. After dinner, we hung out in the house a bit and chatted. Then Chris and Chad went to build the fire. We were in and out for a while. Chris (the meanie) picked up a stick with a wooly worm and threw it into the fire! And he also threw a bottle into the fire (it exploded) and one of Aidan’s diapers. Nice one. :[
I went back inside because Aidan was going insane. Plus, I’d started a game of Roller Coaster Tycoon on my laptop and wanted to check on the progress. Well, I’d forgotten to hire mechanics so all the rides had broken down and the patrons were pissed. So my park rating went way down. Aidan was much happier inside, and Christy followed us shortly. We chattted for a while, and I tried to salvage my game. It eventually crashed before I could save it, so I gave up and tried to do some writing. I finished the synopsis!! But I got very little done on the new story. Boo.
This morning, we headed back and I got nauseated. Chad opened the windows for me which helped, but I didn’t start to feel better til we were out of the hills. It was beautiful; the parts I could see. For the most part, I was keeping my eyes closed so I wouldn’t get sicker. They were eating these garlic and parmesan Cheez-Its and the mere thought of them made my stomach flip.
We got back and panicked because one of the cell phones was missing. (We found it). Chad and Christy went to their house, but invited us over for pizza. We went. I also tried the garlic and parmesan Cheez-Its. They’re yummy. Everyone should get some. They are awesome. Then we came home and got cleaned up. Chris wanted to go shopping. So we did, and ate Steak and Shake. Chris started to feel really sick, so I drove home. I also put Aidan to sleep. Chris had put him in his room and he was screaming screaming screaming. I cannot BEAR to listen to my son scream like that, so I went in and lay with him. He just wanted to cuddle for a while. Now he’s sleeping peacefully.
So, that’s my weekend in a nutshell.
Here is some ….
I was going to cut the following, but I can’t. It’s TOO right on to hide. I wonder if this is true of everyone?
My personality blood type: http://www.tapanime.com/info/bloodtypes.html
I’m a Type O:
Type O Blood people are said to set the mood for a group and to take on the role of creating harmony among its members. Their image is one of taking it easy, of being peaceful and carefree. They are also thought to be big-hearted and benevolent, and they tend to spend money on others generously. O Types are generally “loved by all.” But, they also, surprisingly, have a stubborn and strong-willed side, as well, and tend to secretly have their own opinions on things. On the other hand, they have the flexible, adaptable side of readily accepting new things. They are easily influenced by other people or by what they see on TV. They seem to appear level-headed and trustworthy, but they often slip and make big blunders inadvertently. But that is also the point that makes O Types lovable
It’s like they looked into my life, watched me, and then typed this up. Wow.
My 2004 Christmas List
(requested from various people)
– pink hi-top Chuck Taylors (men’s 4.5/women’s 6.5)
– The O.C. Season 1 DVD set
– a Tiffany necklace (either the heart tag or the Return to Tiffany one)
– gift cards to Best Buy
FYI – at amazon.com, if you buy one Hasbro game, you get another free, PLUS free shipping. I’m so on it. What two games should I get?
Okay. I have an early day tomorrow. I have to get gas before I go to the chiro, and then I have to call around to auto/glass repair places for my car. *sigh* What a pain. Alright then. Good night, all.