Day: December 2, 2005

This Career

I’m not going to lie, I always feel a tiny twinge of jealousy when I read the wonderful people in the El-Jay writing world realizing their dreams of landing an agent, getting a publishing contract, etc. (Don’t worry, the predominant emotion here is PURE EXCITEMENT so don’t worry, almarrone!!) But, it’s not a negative jealousy. It’s a VERY motivating kind–pushing me to hurry up and write something amazing so it can be out there as well.

I mean, ultimately, I want to be able to sit at a table with almarrone, laurenbarnholdt, and mandywriter promoting our books at a FAN CON. I wonder if they have YA Writer conventions? How neat would that be? OH MY GOD. What if Sarah Dessen (writergrl) were to be there? **hyperventilates on her daydream**

(Don’t worry, swankivy, I did not forget you. But since we write in totally different genres, I don’t know if we’d be at a FanCon together!)

I am so full of… I don’t even know how to describe it. Excitement? Fear? A bit of impatience? Worrying? Praying that it will be my time, and soon?

In the meantime, I am being as patient as I can regarding the OMG entry a few posts back (believe me, no one is more anxious than I am to see how it all pans out!), and also some other things. It’s exciting to see people I know getting what they want, what they’ve worked so hard for, what they’ve dreamed of, and reading/critiquing the work of others–so unbelievably amazing. And it simply inspires me to do more, to keep trying.

Once upon a time, someone very wise quoted her favorite movie Flashdance: When you give up your dream, you die.

There are days when I feel down and scared. I start to doubt, and I wonder if I should give up. Once upon a time, a post that I just read would have sent me into an envious depression. But now? It totally gets me ramped up for my own writing, my own possiblities.

Then I actually think about the possibilities, and I get SCARED. So much can happen, or not. So much can change. And I ask myself am I really ready?

Well you know what? I am. I love writing and books too much to let fear hold me back. That feeling in my gut will never go away and I know that I must keep striving and pushing myself. When I think of what has transpired over the past few months for me, I am gobsmacked. The people I’ve met, the things I’ve learned, the inspiration I’ve gotten. I can’t wait until the day I can share it all. But right now, I will wait. And I will write.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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