Dear Ronni,

Please refrain from listening to Les Miserábles CD 2 during work, especially the song “A Little Fall of Rain,” as it will most certainly cause you to start crying, thus possibly inviting embarrassing questions and uncomfortable moments (or laughter) if someone were to come to your cubicle for any reason.

Feel free to listen to the PCD CD, though. That one, combined with a can of sugar-free Red Bull, seems to do a fairly good job of keeping you awake.

Just looking out,
Ronni

Dear Work Day,

Last month, I had spoken with you about moving at such a slow pace. I must confess myself disappointed that you have not sought to improve upon this. If anything, it seems that you now move more slowly than ever. This is unacceptable, and as it’s time for mid-year reviews, I must grade you at a “below level.” Until I see improvement, you will be put on probation, and you will not be allowed to move jobs or receive a raise.

Sincerely,
Ronni

Dear Kellogg’s.

Seriously, this is getting old. How many times are you going to create yummy snack bars, only to discontinue them, or distribute them in such a way that makes it virtually impossible for a fan such as myself to obtain them? You’re almost like a drug dealer. You started with the Double Chocolatey Chunk Rice Krispies Treats. At one point, one could purchase boxes of only those. Now one has to buy the variety pack, which only comes with THREE of the chocolate ones and SEVEN of the crappy plain ones. Remember, the plain ones also have their own box, so why does there need to be SEVEN of them in the variety pack? Honestly, is it necessary to manufacture SO MANY “original” Rice Krispies Treats? I don’t think so. Any old Joe can make the plain ones, but I, for one, cannot make the Double Chocolatey Chunk ones. Believe me, I’ve tried.

What are you trying to pull? Get someone hooked on the good bars, then ply them with the crappy plain ones? Because by then, one will be so desperate for marshmallows and crispy rice cereal bars that s/he will eat anything, right?

You did it again with the Split Stix. You put out the FABULOUS chocolate Split Stix, and it took me ONE BITE to get hooked. You have to nerve to still advertise them on all over your boxes and website. But what do I see when I go to the store now? ORIGINAL Split Stix. That’s all! Once again, you’re trying this bait and switch crap, and you’re going to lose your chocolate-loving fan base if you keep this up.

I suppose you’ll discontinue Cocoa Krispies next, so that one can’t even have homemade Chocolatey snacks. Please consider what you’re doing to your customers, I beg of you.

Disgruntled,
Ronni

Dear Wal-mart,

You know what? You’re not even worth it.

Sincerely,
Ronni