Month: January 2007

The Truth About My Writing

The hardest block I’m trying to work through is the “you need to be working on more important things than this silly dream of yours” block. This block is more dangerous than writer’s block, in my opinion, because this block convinces me that my writing is a waste of time, that I’ll never make it, that this is a stupid daydream and that I need to give up on it and get a job at Applebee’s or something to make ends meet, instead of wasting time trying to write something that an editor will buy. Then something that people will buy.

At least with writer’s block, one has the desire and the will to write. The YNTBWONMITTTSDOY block is one that induces guilt, and shame, and makes me feel as though I don’t really have a right to do this, because there’s nothing really to strive for other than a bunch of useless manuscripts to shove under the proverbial bed, a lot of wasted time, and nothing really to show for it.

I am scared that all of my friends will realize their writing dreams, and I’ll be left in the dust. And I especially fear that this is something else I can add to the “just not good enough” pile. Once upon a time, I’d considered myself anything but ordinary. But now, I think I’m nothing but ordinary.

And as much as that thought disappoints me, it doesn’t surprise me. It’s how I’ve always thought of myself.

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Life Is Weird

Had the hearing this morning. The hearing that almost wasn’t! Due to misreading, then traffic, and then having to get searched! But it happened, it was painless and quick. It was my first time ever in a courtroom, and it was pretty. The magistrate was very nice.

I feel weird.

Exhausted. Not sure if it’s emotionally exhausted or physically exhausted. I got home around 10:15am, ate creamy chicken rice, and spinach (yes, at 10am!), read, and promptly crashed. Woke up about 2pm or so, played on the computer a bit, then headed out to do a few errands. Got restless and headed out again. I visited the library twice today–both times to pick up reserves. I have six new books to read! :) Ate dinner, finished reading Messenger, then fell asleep again! Weird dreams, which tend to happen when one naps. Only awakened when the phone rang.

All in all, a very relaxing evening. And I don’t have to get up incredibly early tomorrow morning, so I can read some more. Yay. The problem is… WHAT to read? Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator is proving to be very silly, and I can’t get into it as much as I’d like to. Maybe I’ll try it another time. So hmmm. Maybe Iggie’s House. I’ll probably finish it tonight, too.

Later.

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Prayers of a Writer

I pray that I learn to stop expecting every thing that ends up on the screen or on paper to be perfect the first time it comes out.
I pray that I rediscover the love of writing, and stop worrying about who will or will not like my work.
I pray that I stop being so bitter about the successes of those who have discovered their dreams, so that my energy can be focused on making MY dreams come true.

I pray that I am ready for the day I finally sell a book.
I pray that I believe, again, that I can sell a book.
I pray that I have the strength to keep chasing my dreams of becoming published.

Amen.

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Reading and Watching

I did a Bad Thing.

I signed up for Netflix.

Well, their two-week free trial, anyway. I also put a HUGE reminder to myself to cancel on January 29th so I won’t get charged. I put Covenant and High School Musical in my queue.

I watched Dogma for the first time over the weekend. To think, for some reason, I’d been against ever watching that movie because I thought there were demons in it. And there are, but they aren’t the scary kind. Not really. Anyway, I REALLY enjoyed that movie. A LOT. And Alanis Morrisette looked so pretty in it. As did Salma Hayak, who I just love. Anyway, Dogma and Clerks II are my favorite Kevin Smith movies.

(I’ve been told by two people that Rosario Dawson reminded them of me. WHOA? Do you know how freakin’ beautiful she is?????)

I also put sixteen books on reserve at the library. Four of them are ready, and I will go pick them up tomorrow. YAY for books!! Especially “free” ones. :)

Finished reading Tattoo. It was QUITE the page turner! Jennifer Lynn Barnes (jenlyn_b) has done it again. BUY IT NOW!

Melodye Shore (newport2newport) was kind enough to order me a copy of Better Than Yesterday, AND she sent it by two-day shipping! I should have it this weekend! :) Yes, I think I will read 100 new books this year, too. And I won’t lose the dang list this time.

So far, I have read:

1. Two Steps Forward – Rachel Cohn
2. Indigo Blue – Cathy Cassidy
3. Just As Long As We’re Together – Judy Blume
4. Gathering Blue – Lois Lowry
5. Tattoo – Jennifer Lynn Barnes

Granted, most of the books I read are YA, so they tend to be a lot shorter than adult books. But that happens to be my preference. Adult books take too long to get to the point for me, and they tend to have a lot of pointless filler.

I think I’ll read Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator next. :)

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