Once upon a time, I threw the proverbial pen to the ground, tore up all the paper, and threw the most unholy fit ever.

I QUIT!

I was fooling myself. I may not have been writing novels, or anything for publication, but I never stopped writing.

I am dipping my toes back into the writing world. Verla Kay’s boards don’t make me want to run and cry like they used to. A few friends of mine have finally sold, and instead of wanting to lock myself in a room and berate myself on not making that goal, I was able to be happy (albeit a bit envious) of them.

I can’t quit. It’s like telling myself not to breathe, for God’s sake.

It may have been journal entries. It may have been long, handwritten letters to friends. It may have been me completely rewriting sentences in a guide at work, just because I felt that I knew how to say it more clearly and better (and most of the time, the seniors on the project agreed with me).

I don’t know. But I never stopped writing.

I read my writer friends LJs and I am amazed at the joy they get out of writing. I remember what it was like. It was manic energy, living on ideas and characters who wouldn’t let me sleep. It was having a pounding heart because I KNEW it was coming together and meshing in a way that was pure magic. I remember working all day, tending to Aidan until his bedtime, then staying up all hours because I COULDN’T STAY AWAY. I need that back. I need writing to be fun for me again. To STAY fun for me. No more trying to impress or please or sell. Just writing for the sake of writing, because that’s when the most beautiful stories come out of me.

Energy. Passion. Strive. Creativity. Writing. Me.

I’ll try to update here more often. Thanks to you guys for not de-friending me. I update Semagic from the server regularly and nervously bite my lip, wondering who will have cut me. People rarely do.

Some of you followed me to my lilrongal journal which tickled, touched, and bewildered me. But thank you for doing so. Please keep checking there, as I will update there most often. If you haven’t friended me there, feel free to do so! :)

I think I’m finally back. For good this time.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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