Please forgive any grammatical or spelling errors under the cut. It’s late and I’m kinda tired.

Saturday night, I went on a most interesting Weird Chicago tour. I had a good time, but nothing is completely taking my mind off of what made me so upset on Friday. I know what WILL take my mind off of it, but unfortunately, that won’t be happening for at least two or three more weeks. And frankly, it scares me. My stomach is just… sick with it all, to be honest. And my confidence is shot to pieces right now.

Oh well, digressing.

I got to spend time with Jen tonight, and Adam made his yummy spinach lasagna. There are no leftovers because, well, Jen was here. :)

I am trying to eat McDonald’s once every two weeks. I keep craving the stuff though. A double cheeseburger, no onions, and fries. No cherry pies here in Chicago, which is dumb. They also don’t sell BBQ Fritos in this city. What the fresh hell, right? I look in every store and there are those honey BBQ twists, or chili cheese, but no BBQ. And I’m not even going to go into the travesty of gas and food prices. Actually, I will. Gas around here is ranging from $3.95 a gallon to $4.09 a gallon. Lovely. It’s going to be $5.00 a gallon by the end of the summer if not sooner.

MTV is running America’s Next Top Model like crazy, and I’m loving it. I just wish they’d show a cycle I’ve never seen before. I’m enjoying it nevertheless, though. I love Wednesday nights because I know it’s a Top Model night. And the beauty of living in Central Time is that it comes on at 7pm for me. I don’t have to wait until 8pm. My favorite this season is Anya. She just strikes me as a kind and pure person. Plus her pictures are gorgeous. She totally reminds me of a grown-up Luna Lovegood. Dominique. What can I say about her? She’s entertaining, that’s for sure. Ha. Well, ANTM is definitely something I look forward to every week, and it’s hard to pull me away when there is a marathon on.

Watching What Not To Wear shows me one thing. I have no fashion sense, I have no idea how to put together a fashionable outfit, and I more than likely don’t dress my age when it comes to casual wear. Oh well, I say. Although, for some reason, I want a bunch of new dresses and some black boots to wear with dresses and skirts. But I’m not shopping for clothing or shoes or anything frivilous at the moment. Because I’m also craving a big pile of new books to read. A bunch has come out or is coming out, and I hate that I can’t go and buy them. Sarah Dessen’s (writergrl) new one came out last week and I haven’t read it yet, and this is driving me crazy.

I really miss going to the library. I don’t have a library card here, and the library is not right down the block here like it was in Columbus, so I haven’t read any new books since I’ve moved, except for a few Anastasia Krupnik books. I also don’t have an IL ID yet, but I do have some mail with the new address on it. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get a card. Everything is riding on one important thing that won’t happen for weeks. *sigh* And it’s frustrating. It’s like, all of this stuff NEEDS to happen SOON, but it can’t until the catalyst is lit. But the catalyst is not something I can completely control, it’s based on the whims and opinions of other people, and that frustrates me even more because my LIVELIHOOD is at stake and it’s like, so what? to them. :(

*buries face in hands and rubs eyes with fist*

Anyway, I’ve been rereading all of my books. Right now, I’m reading CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC again. Adam’s got some books I haven’t read yet, but many of his books are classics or they are meant for tween/teen boys. I have a pile of Apple paperbacks from the 1980s that are all meant for girls. I blew through all of those in like, five hours. VERONICA THE SHOW-OFF, NOTHING’S FAIR IN FIFTH GRADE, SIXTH GRADE CAN REALLY KILL YOU, HOW DO YOU LOSE THOSE NINTH GRADE BLUES, and SEVENTEEN AND IN-BETWEEN. I really want to read FOURTH GRADE WIZARDS, another book with some of the characters from the NFIFG and SGCRKY.

Here’s a wierd thing. I crave certain foods when I read certain books, based on either the food talked about in the book, or foods I ate while eating the book. For example, anytime I read AMY AND LAURA by Marilyn Sachs, I ate Cream of Wheat (apples & cinnamon, with applesauce poured on), and bacon. So when I read that book, I crave that meal. For NOTHING’S FAIR IN FIFTH GRADE, I always ate a bologna and cheese sandwich with mustard and Doritos. Guess what I crave when I pick that book up? And for SMALL TOWN GIRL, I crave tator tot hot dish, because Tess’s mom makes it for her. It was actually that book which inspired me to adapt the traditional tator tot hot dish recipe and make it my own. I guess it’s that association thing or something. Now I’m kind of craving Cream of Wheat and bacon.

I found that ALDI makes hot wheat cereal! I am so excited about that. Cream of Wheat runs about $5.00 a box here in Chicago. I was pretty sure I’d have to cut it out of my diet. But the ALDI brand is $1.79. I haven’t tasted it yet; I still have a box of Cream of Wheat to finish off, but I don’t see how it could be bad. And if it IS bad, I’ll just add more sugar and applesauce!

But anyway, I was just thinking of the authors of my youth that I used to read over and over. Janet Adele Bloss, Barthe DeClements, Susan Beth Pfeffer. Marilyn Sachs. I come across many of the older books at used bookstores for insanely discounted prices. Everyone loves Judy Blume, and I do too, but those women, two of them whose books are falling out of print, helped shape who I am today. Finding Janet Adele Bloss books is hard these days, which makes me sad because she wrote so many that I loved. I wish I could get ahold of the one about Callie, the girl who was in love with the lifeguard. I’m sitting on a copy of New Girl, which people are selling on amazon for $700!!! Tell me that’s not crazy. Especially since one can get it on Alibris for $1.99. Anyway, yeah. I’m rambling.

I’ve had a headache throbbing at my left temple all day. I don’t think it’s a migraine. I think it’s mostly tension. I suppose time will tell, huh? Honestly, it’s probably from the half bottle of Arbor Mist I drank Friday night.

The weather here has made me sad. Tomorrow, the high will be in the high 40s. Monday as well. But… I WILL NOT COMPLAIN! It could be snowing, and in Chicago, that’s not something to rule out.

I really want a massage. There is this place not too far from here. I can get a LONG massage for $45 if I schedule it far enough in advance. The problem is that I need to be excessively frugal, so even $45 for that is too much for me to spend right now. And let me tell you, I AM FRUSTRATED about this whole thing. Not to mention terrified.

But again, re-digressing….

Homophobes annoy me. So do jerks. And Arbor Mist gives me a a headache.

I’m having another crisis of faith. It’s a mild one, because it’s something that lingers in the back of my mind all the time anyway, but sometimes things happen that bring those feelings to the forefront, blows them up, and really makes me doubt a LOT. And I’m torn between wanting to believe one thing and trying to keep myself believing this thing and looking at the evidence to the contrary in very key areas of my life, and believing the worst instead. Once I believe the worst about that, I let it reaffirm the worst about what I believe about ME. And that’s just sad.

Sad, but true.


I should go to bed. Never mind that I’m hungry. And craving a chocolate chip cookie. Let’s not even think about McDonald’s. I’m not allowed to have that again until May 5th. (Yeah, we’ll see how long *that* lasts.)

Ugh, I just got a chill. Gross.

I get the feeling Sunday is going to be a lazy one for me, much to adamselzer‘s chagrin. But hey, it’s Sunday, rainy, and cool out. I’m taking it easy.

G’night. I mean, morning.

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