Thinking

This winter’s been a weird one. Up until this point, the weather has been scarily mild (not complaining AT ALL), but I still haven’t had much desire to go outside. And right now, even though I am fully dressed, I’m really cold.

Which is good because I will be GOOD and ready for Disney World and warm Florida temperatures. We leave at (as Seanan would say) Oh God WHY o’clock in the morning for the airport, flight takes off at 6am, and I’m hoping to be in Magic Kingdom no later than noon! This means I’ll be consuming lots of energy shots once we land in Orlando so I can be good and awake.

I am so in need of warm sun on my skin. Warm sun PERIOD. I still have loads of stuff to do before the trip, but that’s cool. It’s stuff to keep me busy until we’re there.

In yoga, we talk a lot about seeing the light in people. And I start to think about the light in people who do really bad things. Like the father who blew himself and his two sons up in his house. Or the teenager who killed her nine year old neighbor. And I wonder about their lights. Do they have a light? Has it dimmed? Am I being judgemental by even wondering about it?

This is why I avoid the news. I know that if something super important goes down, I will find out about it. But I tend to stay away from watching CNN, local news, all that stuff.

I know that’s part of why I love Disney World so much. I go there, and I’m pretty much cut off. I’m in this happy fantasy world, and life is awesome. There’s music and rides and happy people and Mickey Mouse and desserts. Oh yes, desserts. And bright colors and flowers and princesses and sunshine. Did I mention that I’m ready for sunshine?

I had a lot of stuff on my mind, but it’s all escaping me right now. I’ve been dealing with random stomach pains and my appetite’s not been so good. Trying to turn my sleeping schedule into a normal one is a 1/2 step forward, 99 steps back operation. I’m just naturally a night owl, and playing the Sims 3 from 9pm until 4am just encourages it.

I worry all the time. I worry about Aidan. I worry about my mom. I worry about money. I worry that I’m wasting my life/time/talents. I worry about death and dying. I worry that I’ll never succeed at anything (especially in Chicago, where competition is fierce and I’m really starting to question if I am cut out for it).

Am I weird?

Wait, don’t answer that. I know I’m weird.

I love this cat more than any other cat alive.

I Love This Cat

Don’t get me wrong. I love Helena and Crookshanks, but Fi is my favorite. Shhh, don’t tell any of them I said that.

I wish my blog had more readers. I mean, I write stuff, I want people to read it! I have some envy for the blogs that have 1000+ followers. I know, it’s silly. It shouldn’t be a popularity contest. I tell myself I’d rather have a smaller following of quality people who comment and interact with me, but I’d honestly like a large following of quality people who comment and interact with me. Hmm, but then again, a larger following = a bigger chance for trolls. I’ve had that. Don’t want that again.

These are just the thoughts flipping around in my brain these days.

Thinking


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