You all know how much I love yoga. I love the way it makes me feel, I love my community at Moksha, and I love everything I’m learning in teacher training. But I’m not perfect, and my mind isn’t always overwhelmingly positive. So, I give to you, my dear friends, my yoga confessions.
1. Sometimes, in the middle of class, I think to myself, “I hate this, why am I here? These standing poses are killing me. Oh please God NOT WARRIOR III dammit we’re doing Warrior III. I’m totally going to fall. I don’t feel like a warrior AT ALL in this pose. I feel like an idiot. Oooh, I hope we do headstand. Crap, it’s forearm balance AGAIN. I SUCKKKKK at forearm balance!! I want savasana NOW!”
2. Every once in a while, when I’m doing a pose that I know is good for me but I’m not loving, I dread knowing that I have to do it on the other side. (As an old yoga friend/teacher of mine once said: Yoga means Yeah, Oh God, Again!) People say that poses I struggle in or hate the most are the poses I should be working on. But really? Warrior III? Forearm balance? Do I have toooooo????
3. Sometimes, I just don’t want to take a vigorous class. Or any class. I KNOW. But yesterday, I went to the restorative candlelight class, and you know what? It was perfect!
I wish Moksha had more restorative classes.
4. I feel guilty when I skip class. Because if it wasn’t for a good reason (e.g. I was busy, working a gig, visiting family or friends, etc.) then it was most likely because I was just being tamasic (aka LAZY).
5. I’m really glad the yoga studio is a seven minute walk from my place. Cause there are so many times when I get the bug, about 20 minutes before a class starts, to head on over and practice. Usually that’s when I have the most awesome classes.
6. Level 2-3 classes still scare me a little bit, even though I’ve been to two and they obviously didn’t kill me.
7. I love yoga pants. Not just ANY yoga pants. The moisture-wicking capri leggings. You know why? Cause I have many pairs of non-moisture wicking yoga pants that are grey. And they show sweat in not so nice places. Yeah.
8. I always say I’ll never buy anything from lululemon for various reasons, but I’m totally lying! I am seriously coveting a few pairs of their awesome yoga crops and if I had a few Benjamins to drop on some, I’d do it in a heartbeat. And they have super cute tanks, like the No Limits tank. I’d totally wear the heck out of that tank.
9. I have a couple of tanks that I
think know need to be retired. Every time I wear one of them, I’m afraid the “girls” are going to pop right the heck out during a forward fold or down dog.
10. I wear yoga clothes more than any other clothes these days. My laundry basket is almost all yoga clothes.
11. Ashtanga yoga and me? Not so much. I tried it once in April of 2010 and decided that I was done. Then I was in a class last week where the instructor was definitely Ashtanga-inspired, and I hated it. It’s just not for me. Mysore might be a different story–I haven’t brought myself to do it yet. Maybe this week will be the time. atha yoga anusasanam
12. For Christmas, I think I’m going to ask for a Jade Harmony yoga mat, some lululemon gift cards, and a bolster.
13. When I’m in a pose and it feels really good/easy, I worry that I’m not doing it right. Yoga is not supposed to hurt, that is true, but I should be feeling SOME sort of sensation, right? But as Daren (my teacher) says, there are always ways to go deeper into a pose so that I am feeling something. I just haven’t learned all of them yet.
14. I could do forward folds all day every day. I LOVE them.
15. I really want to do this, and I CAN, but I worry that my knees won’t allow me to do so for long.
Source: tumblr.com via Ronni on Pinterest
16. Watching Meghan Currie‘s practice videos is super inspiring. She moves so smoothly and beautifully.
I like this one because her cat gets in the way like Crookshanks gets in mine.
The teacher I am apprenticing with, Amber, has a beautiful practice like this, too.
Maybe someday I’ll feel confident enough to put a practice video of ME up on YouTube. But I doubt it.
17. On the first day of yoga teacher training, Daren asked us not to eat McDonalds or any fast food. I thought it would be hard, and it was at first. I LOVE(D) McDonald’s you guys, as terrible as it is for me… but the more I go without it, the easier it gets. And I feel all the better for it.
18. Getting an adjustment in savasana is the best.thing.ever.
19. I’m scared to do a handstand. I know I can do it. I have the strength to do it, and in class Thursday, the teacher spotted me and I floated right up. These are the things he said:
a.) I have good control when kicking up.
b.) I have the strength.
c.) He didn’t have to assist me almost at all when I went up.
So I know it’s a mental block. I’m scared I’m going to fall and hurt myself. I don’t trust that I *do* have the strength/balance to do it. The teacher gave me some neat exercises to try so that I get more confident in the strength I have.
20. As much as I love yoga, I worry that it’s inaccessible to a LOT of people. Going to a studio isn’t cheap, although I was able to play it so I was able to take three classes a week for $19. (This was before the days of my work study career there.) Not everyone can do that–their schedules may not permit it or the location just might be way too far or inconvenient. And yes, one can buy a DVD, or just practice from a book, but honestly, it’s nothing like having a teacher there to guide you. And the clothes. Of course, one doesn’t have to wear lululemon to practice yoga. Actually, a lot of my pants come from Old Navy or Target or TJ Maxx and they work fine. But it’s easy to get caught up in the “Am I good enough because I buy discount yoga clothes?”
Or maybe that’s just me. Yeah, it’s probably just me.
Still, even with those crazy thoughts bouncing around in my head, I love yoga and feel gratitude every time I get to practice. I am grateful that my editing and marketing skills are skills that Moksha finds valuable enough to offer me free yoga in exchange for my services. I’m grateful that I was given an extraordinary opportunity with the teacher training, so I get the chance to stretch my practice and my life in ways I never thought imaginable.