pictures

More of That

25 January 2013 / pictures, reflection, ronni

I scroll through my Live Journal and Facebook posts and I see people doing a lot of what they love to do. I get so caught up refreshing tumblr, or staring at Facebook, or sleeping. The Internet sucks me in and the next thing I know, another day has gone by. I get so caught up in silly things that I forget to do the things that bring me really deep joy. Except reading–I ALWAYS remember to read.

I need more of these things in my life:

1. Drinking hot tea and drinking cocoa.
2. Writing.
3. Spinach. I want and need to consume more spinach. Mmm spinach.
4. Taking pictures. LOTS of pictures.
5. Dancing.

What joyful things do you wish you had more of in your life?

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Blue Monday? Nah, I Don’t Think So.

21 January 2013 / pictures, positivity, ronni

So, according to various sources, Blue Monday falls on … well, today. January 21, 2013. The holiday bills are coming due. People are typically starting to break their New Year’s resolutions. The weather is miserable and there’s really nothing to look forward to for months. The holidays are pretty much packed away.

Someone like me, who is prone to melancholy, especially this time of year, can see it for sure. But I don’t think it’s always the case for me. For example, last year, I didn’t post about being sad. I posted about theatre. And I don’t think it will be that depressing for me this year either. For one, I don’t have any holiday bills. I paid for everything with cash. The weather is miserable (the high is supposed to be a whopping 14F today) but I don’t have to go anywhere. The work I have to do can be done from under a warm electric blanket. I didn’t make any resolutions so I don’t have to feel bad about breaking them. I have a Disney World trip to look forward to (35 days!!!), and I have a lot to be thankful for.

1. My Gratitude Buddy Wanda. She emailed me this idea that we send each other three things every day that we’re grateful for. They can be small or big things, but they’re things that we’re happy to have in our lives. She’s much better at keeping up with it than I am, but every time she sends me one, I remember to send mine back to her. I’m grateful that it’s often hard to decide WHICH three things to put.

2. Friends who automatically think of me when they want to plan trips to Disney World. I love helping my friends plan Disney trips almost as much as I love planning my own. 🙂

3. The kirtan I got to manage and attend Saturday night. OH MY GOD. Rich Logan is a force. The kirtan was packed–I had never seen Moksha so packed for a kirtan before. The songs and chants are still running through my head and my spirit. It was amazing. I cannot WAIT for his next one.

4. The new music I have been discovering and the old music I have been rediscovering. Like the song 7 by Prince. I bought the maxi-single to that years ago. Anyone remember maxi-singles? But yeah. That song is so good.

5. My yoga teacher training is all paid off! Now I just need to finish up my non-contact stuff and my apprenticeship so I can get my certification. Only a few months to go!

So… I’m going to go burrow under the warm electric blanket (turned up on high) and let the space heater blow on me until I get warm. I’m wearing cozy sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt, but it’s one of those days where the bitterness just seeps through all the cracks. I have a new book to read, some cats to cuddle, and hot things to drink.

And that’s all for now folks. Til next time!

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Raw and Real

11 January 2013 / grrr!, pictures, ronni, sad

WARNING: Venting Ahead. Proceed at your own risk!!

I am typically pretty positive on my blog. I *try* to be a positive person. Aadil Palkhivala says to “look for the gold” so that I won’t be focusing on the dirt around me. It was the MAIN thing I took from the workshop I had with him in September of last year, and it’s how I’ve been trying to live my life since then.

It’s not easy. I am, by nature, pessimistic and negative. I think it has to do with the fact that I grew up in innercity Cleveland, land of cynicism and angst. I’d say something cheesy like “I saw a rainbow last night” and someone would say “OMG STFU.” Everything I liked was grounds to be made fun of. and I was so wishy washy. I didn’t want to be made fun of so I’d pretend to like the things they did. Or I’d hide the stuff I really liked. (I didn’t hide my love for New Kids on the Block and I caught hell for it. To this day, the fact that fandoms exist for everything and there are theoretically safe spaces for me to go and explore things I’m interested in still kind of blows my mind.) So, I had to act more cynical and bitter than I really felt, and eventually a lot of it just became a part of ME. Medication helps with that, though, and yoga. And Aadil’s advice of looking for the gold. Also, setting boundaries and keeping myself distanced from people who are super negative helps as well.

But sometimes, despite all that, I just have to be mad. I just have to be raw, I just have to be real. I’ve kept this blog so sweet the past few years…and I’m ready for it to be more ME, you know?

It doesn’t mean it’s going to turn into a rant dump or anything like that. But I am going to stop hiding all the not-so-sweet-and-pretty things all the time.

Anyway.

Y’all. This week has gotten on my last nerve! I guess it started Saturday, when I was taking down my holiday decorations (which already had me in an off mood), and Aidan was insistently asking me a question about the theory of evolution (don’t even ask). I was so focused on answering him that I ended up dropping one of my Mickey Mouse ornaments.

As you can see, it shattered. 🙁 It’s not that big of a loss I suppose–I mean, I have a whole set. Two more reds, two more greens, and one more silver. And at least it wasn’t my banana ornament, right?

Then Sunday, Aidan flew back to Ohio. Thank God he was in a good mood or else it would have been terrible. HIS mood always determines my mood and if he cries, it’s all over for me. But the fact is that well, he’s in Ohio now and not here with me and that sucks.

I started playing LEGO Harry Potter on the Wii Monday. I was doing awesomely until I got to the Riddle’s Diary section in Year 2. It’s a damned timed puzzle and I’m just not coordinated enough with the remotes to solve the puzzle before the strength potion runs out. After hours of trying, I just turned the game off. It took everything in me to not throw the remote at the screen and burst into tears. I know, what am I, 8 years old instead of 38 years old? Pathetic.

Either I need Adam to do the second player for me so I can get the timing right, or I’ll need Aidan to beat that level for me when he comes back next month. OR I can waste more hours trying, except I have a butt load of you know, GROWN UP stuff to do instead. Like preparing my thesis workshop which is next Saturday. Or preparing for my two-day therapeutic yoga orientation which starts this evening. An apprenticeship I am simultaneously looking forward to and also wanting to just be over and done with. I’ve noticed that anytime I jump into something with that kind of apprehension (teacher training*cough) it ends up being an amazing experience. So I’m sure this will be the same. Still nervous, though.

I had acupuncture on Monday and that was OK. I didn’t do anything Tuesday but get my ass kicked by that game. OH I almost forgot. I got to be super, super, super annoyed by Disney! I KNOW RIGHT? But the balance was coming due for our February Disney World trip and I just wanted to pay it. Online, it said “If your billing address is different from what we have on file, Disney will reject your payment! HEEHEEE!” So I called and the line was busy. I left a message but I missed the callback. Fortunately, they left ME a message and told me that my account was notated and an online payment would be fine. So I did that and got the confirmation that all was well. But I was already so frustrated that I couldn’t even be happy that Disney was signed, sealed, and delivered and now all that’s left is the waiting. I tried to go ahead and make the rest of our dining reservations and also add the ones we already had to the My Disney online thingy. BUT THEIR SITE WAS NOT ACTING RIGHT. Server kept getting overloaded, site kept crashing. THEN I checked further details on one reservation and at the bottom, in big block letters were the words:

YOUR RESERVATION HAS BEEN CANCELLED.

What the fresh, everlasting hell??? I did NOT cancel anything so what was going on? So we finally called and got it all straightened out and also got my other reservations made. See, as much as I used to love the phone when I was a teenager, I really don’t like it now. I’d much rather do it online and not have to talk to anyone. I don’t even like ordering food on the phone.

On Wednesday I saw my doctor and that was OK. She’s really a great doctor. Wonderful bedside manner, friendly, and warm. Gives the impression that she really cares about her patients. I’ve been seeing her since 2008; followed her through three different offices. Now she has her own practice.

At the doctor, I got blood drawn and got a flu shot. My blood sugar plummeted and my bladder filled to bursting (I needed to drink a lot of water to get my veins popping for the blood draw.) The traffic had built up and the lights were being obnoxious and I had to PEE. That is NO FUN. To have to pee like that and to be stuck? THEN we finally got to a Target (where I needed to shop anyway) and the restroom was CLOSED. I just threw my hands up. But then I went back and the maintenance guy waved me in, so I guess he was just waiting for the poopy people in there to get out before he went in to clean. So even though I had to smell those random poopy people, I didn’t care. I just had to peeeeee.

We had a tasty dinner at Arturo’s, then I came home and went to bed pretty much right away. I spent basically all day yesterday sleeping, all night sleeping, and could crawl back into bed right now. But I won’t because I need to clean my room. I still haven’t unpacked from my trip to see Mommy over Christmas.

I am frustrated because I’m so tired of being cold. I lost my Foursquare mayorships at BOTH Moksha Yoga Studios because I’m so tired of going outside and feeling like the cold is stabbing me like knives. It’s NOT EVEN THAT COLD. It’s 49F outside right now but the mere thought of going out there makes me want to crawl back into bed because I know it’s going to be miserable for me. If I don’t have to go anywhere, I don’t. I stay home and huddle under the electric blanket or throw, trying to keep warm.

But I know that things aren’t terrible for me. My mind knows this, logically. I mean, I’m whining because I’m having trouble on a level in a Wii game for God’s sake. And the week wasn’t all bad. I got Aidan a little Valentine’s Day surprise which I think he’ll like. Arturo’s was SO good and they put fresh avocado on my tostado which is nice because I was craving fresh avocado. I got to eat at Pops, which is something that takes the sting out of taking Aidan to the airport, as that’s our treat when we do have to take him. The lady at the ticketing counter let Adam go with Aidan and me to the gate which rarely happens anymore. And as I said, Aidan was in a good mood when he got on the plane.

I got really cool new socks and arm warmers, and I’m expecting some AMAZING leggings in the mail. I also got a check today. I just caught up with an old yogi friend and we’re going to have brunch on Monday. Adam put gas in the car so I can drive up to the other Moksha Yoga later this evening for orientation which PRAISES BE TO BABY JESUS will include a yoga practice. I got two new pairs of boots for under $60 total and they were delivered today. And I’ll get to see some teacher trainee classmates who I haven’t seen in more than a month.

*Sigh* Now I feel better. My meds have finally kicked in, and I’m feeling more mellow overall.

Sometimes, a girl just has to vent. A girl also has to keep up with her medication or she’ll be a hot mess otherwise. Oh well. C’est la vie.

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Ahead to 2013!

2 January 2013 / pictures, reflection, ronni

source

I’m sitting here, watching Aidan play LEGO Batman 2: DC Super Heroes and thinking about why I’m so nervous about 2013. Probably because I’ve had such a good few years, so I start to wonder when the other shoe is going to drop. That’s a crappy way of looking at things, so I’m trying to avert those worries and thoughts. I’m happy and comfortable and warm, so there is no need to worry about things that may or may not happen.

I’m also feeling my normal post-holidays slump. We party so hard in December, with all the shopping and singing and decorating. Two birthdays, a multitude of holidays, and just that special feeling I get during December of every year. I still have my tree up and will until the weekend, but I always feel melancholy after December passes. No more gatherings or excuses to eat indulgent foods, no presents to give and get, and all the pretty decorations give way to grey, cold, ice, and snow. I’m already tired of wearing my heavy coat with a million layers and feeling like the marshmallow man, and I’m really missing the hot sun, wearing sandals and flip flops, and flowers everywhere. There are so many days until Summer and so many more until next Christmas. It’s kind of overwhelming. I know that once I really get into “ordinary time” I’ll be OK but it’s always hard at first.

It seems like people have a love/hate relationship with New Year’s Resolutions. There are the people who make them faithfully every year and they may or may not break them, and then there are those who act like they’re so against the whole thing. I usually don’t make them because I know I’ll likely break them within five weeks if I even last that long, but that doesn’t mean I don’t start off each new year with some things I want to work on or improve or change. I can see why people pick the first of the year for these things. It’s a brand new year, a clean slate in a way. And I have a lot I’d like to get accomplished.

I’m looking forward to discovering new music, reading new books, and new episodes of the TV shows I manage to stick with. I’m looking forward to getting my 200 hour yoga teacher certification, and I’m looking forward to going to Disney World (would like to go three times this year–one trip is already booked and will be paid for next week). I hope to travel to visit my far away friends, and I hope to lose about 10 pounds. I’d LOVE to finally finish writing a novel, but that’s been in the works for about six years now so it might be time to hang up that dream. I’d love to go back to my no soda restriction–I failed big time at that yesterday while we were having dinner at Fuddruckers (that pop machine is just SO DAMN COOL and I had to try the cherry ginger ale. Had to!). I’d like to read at least 50 new books, and I’d be pleased if I could make it 75! I want to try to go to yoga at least twice every week–three or four times would be ideal, but let’s not get crazy now. 😉

I want to start playing my LEGO Harry Potter Years 1-4 video game that I got for Christmas in 2011, and then I want to move on to LEGO Harry Potter Years 5-7. Maybe I can actually finish a video game! I hope to continue working with my freelance clients and maybe picking up one or two more projects. I am striving to be as well off as I was this past Christmas so I can continue to be as generous with gifts and helping out my family. I need to eat more vegetables. Especially dark, leafy greens. I need to get more iron so I won’t be so bloody cold all the time.

There is no reason why I can’t do most of the stuff on this list. The only thing holding me back is ME. So… that means I’ve got some work to do. I think I can do it, as long as I don’t get lazy! 🙂

Here’s to 2013!! May it be beautiful and amazing and full of love, security, good health, happiness, and incredible opportunities for all of us.

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A Look Back at 2012

31 December 2012 / life, pictures, yay, year-in-review

I really enjoyed 2012. It was a busy year full of amazing experiences, lots of learning, incredible people, and awesome opportunities!!

In January, I got to spend a significant amount of time with a friend who I’d admired for years. She and her beau came and stayed with us for just under a week and we had the greatest time. They’re the kind of people who energize rather than drain, and I know I’ve said it before, but having them around is a blessing.

adam, ryan, me, and s00j

In February, Adam and I went to Disney World. Which is always awesome!! Still, that trip was memorable because it was the first time I’d ever lost my luggage. It was MORE memorable because Adam and I were selected to be in the Jammin’ Jungle Parade at Animal Kingdom! Now that was an awesome experience!!!

In March, I started yoga teacher training at Moksha Yoga. In training, I am making new friends, I’m learning so much not only from teachers at Moksha, but from master teachers from all over the world, and I’m getting more and more involved with the Moksha community, which is something I’ve wanted to do from almost the first day I walked into the studio and took my first yoga class back in April of 2010.

April brought a sneak peek into an early Spring, and in May, I got to see one of my favorite authors, Laurie Halse Anderson, again! Now, this is a woman who takes her writing so very seriously. She really gets in there and lives her characters’ lives. I’ve never seen a writer so dedicated and inspiring.

I heart her!

AND I got to hang out with Ricky Luna, who I had the BIGGEST crush on for about three years while I was a teenager. He used to be on the Mickey Mouse Club in the 1990s, but now he’s a successful and amazing producer. You may have seen his name on some big time soundtracks lately.

June brought Summer and AIDAN! 🙂

I was pretty busy this summer with teacher training stuff and freelance work, but we managed to make time to go out to the ‘burbs every Sunday to have dinner and shop or just spend time together. I think we hit every Half-Price Books in the Chicagoland area!

I thought my first “public” yoga class at Musecon, a creative convention in the Chicagoland area. They focus on things like music and writing and photography. Very relaxing and a lot of fun. I was really nervous about teaching there, but I got good feedback and they asked me to teach again in 2013! 🙂

Eventually, Aidan went back to Ohio to start fourth grade. He was accepted into his schools’ gifted program, and he’s thriving in it.

We did manage to make it to Worldcon/Chicon in September, and we were also able to visit my mom and some cousins in Ohio. October was pretty much a blur for both Adam and me as we were swamped with school and work. I did take time out to see the Kellogg’s Tour of Gymnastics Champions, and when I realized I had an opportunity to meet John Barrowman on Halloween, I dropped EVERYTHING and made it happen!

We threw an election party in November, where Adam served the most delicious stew and cornbread and even flew Aidan out for the occasion, and then Aidan flew out just a few days later to spend Thanksgiving with us. 🙂 I also got the best purse ever.

And this brings us to December, when I finished up my second apprenticeship and teaching my karma/community classes for teacher training. We had a lovely Christmas in Ohio, then drove back to Chicago so Aidan could see what Santa left for him here. (It was a lot.) We celebrated Aidan’s TENTH birthday with a trip to the LEGO store downtown, and dinner from Harold’s Chicken Shack.

HOW IN THE WORLD DO I HAVE A TEN YEAR OLD??

Those are just a few highlights–I could go on and on. But I want to do the end of year survey too, so I’ll refrain. You can always look through my 2012 tag on Flickr to see what else I got up to this year, if you want! 🙂

So, on to the survey!

Was 2012 a good year for you?
For the most part, yes!

What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
– yoga teacher training
– certain yoga poses (sundial/compass, forearm balance, mermaid…)
– been in a Disney parade
– King Spa
– got a body scrub

Did anyone close to you give birth?
I know people who had babies, but no one particularly close to me.

Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness

What countries did you visit?
None.

What date(s) from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
– February 15, 2013: the day I was in a Disney parade!
– March 5, 2012: the day I decided to do teacher training
– October 31, 2012: the day I met John Barrowman

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving yoga teacher training!

What was your biggest failure?
Didn’t complete writing a novel. Boo.
Struggling with my weight and body image. Sigh.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
A few colds, and one really bad cold sore outbreak. Ick.

Where did most of your money go?
Disney trip, yoga teacher training, books, clothes, gifts

What song(s) will always remind you of 2012?
Sail by Awolnation
Lights by Ellie Goulding

What do you wish you’d done more of?
– writing
– yoga
– traveling

What do you wish you’d done less of?
– sleeping
– shopping

What was your greatest musical discovery?
I honestly cannot narrow this down. I got to discover lots of cool new music! 🙂

What did you want and get?
– Disney trip
– books
– a raise
– asked to be a workshop manager at Moksha

What did you want and not get?
– MORE AIDAN TIME (there is never enough)
– a flat stomach
– a trip out of the country

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 38. I taught a yoga class, had brunch with Adam and my friend Graham, opened presents, watched Queer as Folk (my present), wrapped gifts, and watched Christmas programs.

What kept you sane?
– Reading. Lots of reading.
– My family. My kitty cats.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
John Barrowman 🙂

What political issue stirred you the most?
Well, there was an election this year right?

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
Listening to my body is more important than following a bunch of arbitrary rules.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
– Yoga clothes. Leggings, capris, tanks, legwarmers. The brighter the better.
– Jeans and t-shirts.
– Jeans and sweaters.
– Pop color jeans and boots.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I really need to quit screwing around and REALLY FOCUS on writing again. I want to, but apparently not enough because I can’t bring myself to do it. Other than that, not much. 2012 was pretty awesome.

In 2013, I am looking forward to Disney World, getting my 200-hour yoga teaching certification, traveling (I have been explicitly invited to visit the O.C., Los Angeles, Arkansas, and Atlanta) attending a billion workshops as a workshop manager at Moksha, discovering new music, seeing friends and family, and many other wonderful things. IT’S GONE BE GOOD!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

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