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Stay With The Feelings

17 April 2012 / pictures, reflection, ronni, yoga

**If you’re visiting from the Ultimate Blog Party, see my introductory post here!**

Earlier this evening, I stumbled across something that irritated me in a big way. Without going into detail, I can tell you that I was wishing, even while I was experiencing the emotions and venting to a few people, that it didn’t affect me like it did. And I kept going for that and going for that, trying to flush the feelings out.

You see, I don’t like to stay with certain feelings. Feelings like depression? I can get with. I’m comfortable there. But anger? Nope! I’m not comfortable with anger and I always feel guilty when I experience it. Anger is violent and out of anger arises the desire to harm. Harming isn’t necessarily physical. It can be in mind and speech and well, and let me tell you, it definitely was there in my mind and speech. I didn’t like it so I worked to get rid of it. But then I realized that I needed to experience the anger before I could let it go.

I dug through some of my notes from teacher training (because this was echoing in me, like deja vu) and sure enough, one of the Sutras is Ahimsa: Non-Violence. I am trying to practice non-violence in my life. The way I acted, although I didn’t go out and beat the crap out of someone, was violent regardless. I gave into the anger and let it drive me to say and think harmful things. And those thoughts echoed in me, making me feel uncomfortable and icky. And yet, I know that if I’d have tried to tamp it down, it would have popped up another way, another day.

So where do I find that balance?

I have to practice compassion and love for myself. I can’t do anything about the thing that annoyed me this evening. The situation is out of my control and frankly, not worth my time. But I can learn from the way I reacted to it, and also NOT punish myself for reacting as I did. But going forward, I know better. I need to learn how to experience emotions like anger without letting them drive me to act in ways that are hurtful. It’s not the emotions themselves that are bad. But giving in to the desire to hurt as much as I feel that I’ve been hurt? Nothing good ever comes from that.

‘Til next time.

8 Comments

It’s Party Time!!

13 April 2012 / pictures, ronni, site

YAY! This is my first year participating in the Ultimate Blog Party at 5 Minutes For Mom. Cool.

If you’ve popped by from the party, WELCOME! 🙂

I’m Ronni.

I’m a 30-something mom living in Chicago. I’m a freelance copy editor, a big reader, and a wannabe author. I’m currently in training to be a certified yoga teacher, and my favorite colors are purple and pink.

This is Adam, my husband.

He’s a ghost tour guide, an author, and all around smart ass.

This is Aidan.

He’s nine years old and most definitely the BEST kid in the world. Smart, resourceful, creative, kind, and funny. I’m pretty sure he’s going to be famous one day.

We are a happy family. And we love going to Disney World.

We have three cats: Helena, Crookshanks, and Fi.

Adam and I live in Chicago all year, and Aidan lives with us 1/3 of the year. (He spends the rest of the time with his dad in Ohio.)

Life is good. 🙂

It’s nice to meet you. Sit back, relax, and stay a while. I hope you subscribe and come back again. In the meantime, let me know you stopped by!

Happy Friday! 🙂

30 Comments

Two Good Days

10 April 2012 / happy, life, pictures, yoga, yoga teacher training

This week is already awesome. I mean, Aidan is here so how can it be bad anyway, right? 😀

Yesterday started off with a great phone call from a client, then a trip out to Oakbrook for some shopping. Aidan tried out the really fancy $3000 massage chair that has zero gravity, scans your body to properly determine the massage, and it is AWESOME. Aidan asked why the Easter Bunny didn’t bring him one of THOSE.

Aidan Trying Out The Fancy Massage Chair at Brookstone

I’m pretty sure that Brookstone is the real life version of SkyMall.

We also had lunch at The Cheesecake Factory where Adam managed to find something that was kosher enough for Passover. I had chicken romano, like I always get, and my favorite dessert, the lemoncello.

Frankly, Cheesecake Factory isn’t my favorite place to eat. The portions are way too large, even the lunch sized ones. But that dessert. Gah gah gah.

Yoga teacher training was good today. I was kind of dreading it because as you know, I’ve been feeling really tired and listless. But it was good! I got my front seat again, and I got to teach with my favorite partner again. Today we did a lot of standing forward folds, including my favorite, Prasarita Padottanasana (Wide-Legged Forward Fold). Y’all. I think this is my favorite standing pose EVER. Even more than Warrior I or II, and DEFINITELY more than Side Angle or Triangle.

Source: yogajournal.com via Ronni on Pinterest

Doesn’t it look heavenly? I can’t get my head all the way to the floor. I have to use a block. But if I keep practicing, one day my head WILL touch the floor. Touching your head to the floor drains all the worries and stress out of you and gives it to the earth. It’s true. I feel a hundred pounds lighter when I come out of the pose. Awesome.

Tomorrow I will take it easy. I have to start studying hardcore–big quiz on Tuesday. I have a lecture tomorrow, but it’s not until the evening. Should be good.

I need a massage so badly. It’s time to go ahead and schedule one for next week. Maybe a pedicure as well for good measure–as long as the weather warms up nicely enough for me to wear the flip flops home. The cold is certainly not giving up easily. We’ll get a day in the 60s but then we have to pay for it with a day like today, when the high didn’t get out of the 40s. I’m really OVER that cold bite in the air. I’m ready for mild temps. It LOOKS like Spring outside, but it still feels like November. Bah.

So. Not sure if you remember I got an Erin Condren Life Planner recently. I have to tell you one thing. IT IS SO WORTH THE COST. I use it every single day, and I take it everywhere. It’s been so helpful. AND the 2012 ones are on sale now. If you’re looking to try one out, now’s a good time to do so. I definitely plan on getting one for 2013. Wonderful investment. 🙂

And now, I leave you with this cuteness.

OK then. ‘Til next time.

8 Comments

Still Tired

8 April 2012 / life, pictures, ronni, sick

yeah, this picture is from the same night as this entry. u mad?

Bleah. I am still tired. I wonder if it’s the change of seasons. Or something. I remember feeling this same way right after Thanksgiving. I don’t know, but I don’t like it. I want my energy back.

I’ve also not been feeling very well. My stomach’s been sensitive the past few days, and my appetite’s not been so good. My cravings have been off (did I tell you that one night I turned down sushi? I KNOW RIGHT??), I’ve had some nausea, and I’ve been extra thirsty, so I’ve been drinking a lot of water and juice. It’s weird. Although, Wednesday night, Cassidy and I both had bottomless pits for stomachs. We ate a ton for dinner, then we ate dessert from the bakery on the corner, and not even an hour later, we were both seriously hungry for another dinner. We managed to hold out ’til we were in the movie theater, but it was hard! Ever since then, though, my appetite’s been weird. I’m avoiding anything too rich.

The pain that I had in my right side last April is back, so that means going back to my Omeprezole regimen until I feel better again.

Despite not feeling 100%, I have a lot of reasons to be happy. 🙂 Adam’s family visited last week, I got some more hours in at VSA, I got to see The Hunger Games again, and Friday, Aidan arrived!!

He’s been getting a LOT of use out of my iPad. As I expected he would.

Other random stuff:

– After we got Aidan on Friday, we ate Home Run Inn for lunch. Their pizza reminds me of the pizza at Pizzafari at Animal Kingdom at Disney World. It’s pretty good for a chain. Probably because it’s a local chain rather than national, huh?

– It rained in our kitchen today. It did it a couple of weeks ago, and all I could think was “Oh no, it’s like Yaxley’s office!” Fortunately, we know the solution and we’re friendly with our neighbor upstairs, so we got it resolved without a mess.

– I love Downton Abbey so much that I want to watch the first season all over again. But I keep going to episode three of the first season for some reason. Curious, that. At any rate, my iPad has Netflix. I just sign in with Adam’s account, and I can watch it in my room and not bug anyone.

– I still need to organize my playlists on the iPad. I only have a few songs on there now. I should at least have some of my favorites.

– Adam’s observing Passover–or Passover Lite more accurately. We didn’t clear out all the stuff or anything because I don’t observe. (Getting rid of all the spaghetti? Can you even imagine, though?) He’s just avoiding everything leavened. It’s been a challenge, as he craves pizza all day every day as it is, and now he can’t have it, so I can only imagine what the cravings are doing to him now. He’s been making matzoh pizzas: matzoh crackers, mozzarella cheese, and tomato sauce. Tonight we had matzoh ball soup for dinner.

– Aidan won’t let me sing along to Bekah Kelso because he says he’s trying to draw another Meta Knight and he needs to concentrate because Meta Knight is “really hard” to draw. But he’s already drawn one?

I think he just wants me to stop singing. And also play AlphaButt (a song by Kimya Dawson).

– So fine, he won. I played AlphaButt and now we’re listening to random songs from the Doctor Who soundtracks.

We watched that new Muppet movie the other night. I thought it was OK. I did tear up in a few places, but there were some things I found REALLY problematic about it and some of the messages–I am not sure I’m comfortable with Aidan internalizing them even though he won’t really even realize it right now because he’s a kid. And I don’t know if I would have noticed them as much if I’d not been forewarned, or if I wasn’t extra sensitive because of recent events… but I probably would have.

Oh well. This entry has no point, but I really felt like blogging. But now I am going to take a warm bath and relax. I have a busy week coming up (Aidan’s here, a phone call tomorrow, yoga teacher training on Tuesday and a lecture on Wednesday, and a sattvic nutrition workshop on Thursday (Aidan is SO looking forward to that–NOT!). This’ll be the first week since coming back from Disney that I haven’t been in an office at some point, so as long as nothing comes up, I get to be nothing but a student and a mommy for the next week or so.

Til next time!

4 Comments

Easter Through The Years…or Snippets of My Spiritual Journey

7 April 2012 / christianity, church, easter, pictures, reflection, religion, spirituality, videos

Over the years, Easter has become less and less of a big deal in my life, which is sad, because Christ’s resurrection is like THE CORNERSTONE of Christianity, right? My mom used to make a huge deal out of it. New dresses. Dyeing eggs. Church (except the year we stopped going), and big dinners that always involved ham. Don’t get me wrong. It’s still a pretty awesome holiday, but for me, it doesn’t have that same anticipation and specialness that Christmas does. And it should, and not just because of the chocolate.

Here’s a short pictorial trip down memory lane, where you can see how I celebrated Easter through the years, complete with retrotastic furniture and all.

age two

age three

age eight

When I was twenty, I was initiated into the Catholic Church through RCIA at the St. Thomas More Newman Center (Eee, Father Vinny is still there!). The ceremony took place during a three hour long Easter Vigil, during which I was baptized, confirmed, and had my first communion. It was pretty cool. After the ceremony we had a huge party and were given giant Easter baskets full of chocolate and a Pass The Pigs game. (We’d had too much fun playing Pass the Pigs at the RCIA retreat a few weeks earlier.)

being baptized

being confirmed by Father Vinny

being a neophyte

Once I was a confirmed Catholic, I went nuts. I was a Eucharistic Minister. I was always involved in one thing or another. Student ministry. RCIA (this time as a sponsor). Volunteering. And I even worked on staff there as a part-time receptionist for a while after college. I very fond memories of that church and that community.

I am no longer a practicing Catholic, but I still find many aspects of the faith beautiful, and I still have a collection of all kinds of rosaries, including a few that I handmade. I was just thinking tonight about how I kind of wished I was at an Easter Vigil. Yes, it’s a long service, but the way my church did it? It didn’t seem that long at all. It was a beautiful, amazing service. I don’t know if I’d want to go to anywhere ele, but I kind of wish I was at Newman Center right now. I have this to keep me company though:

As I said, I drifted away from the Catholic Church and church in general. Until about 2004, when I became really involved in an evangelical community. This was Aidan’s Easter basket that year:

That Easter was pretty cool. I spent the night under the stars with a bunch of other young (or young at heart) people (I’m sure I was the oldest one there, but it was still fun) and we did a sunrise service that was amazing. I was SO HIGH from that.

2004 was a crazy year for me in so many ways. I made a lot of new friends (most of whom I no longer really talk to except for the occasional facebook stalk or facebook game spam), I became super involved in church activities: volunteering with the teen ministry (my FAVORITE!) and the young adult ministry, doing Power Point presentations, throwing parties, putting together newsletters, and even running a life group. There was a lot going on at home as well. I get exhausted when I read those entries–I was always going going going. No wonder I’m so content to just sit and read these days.

There was the Easter in 2006 where I was treated to a double rainbow.

2006 is also the year my life changed in so many major ways that to think about everything that happened to lead me to where I am today is overwhelming and crazy. And also kind of amazing. Needless to say, my spirituality took some crazy twists and turns, and right now, it’s an ever growing and ever changing and ever winding journey. Maybe one day I’ll go more in depth.

Happy Easter!

4 Comments

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