sad

Don’t You Hate It When…

I hate it when I get that feeling of… just not feeling right. Not exactly unhappy or cranky, but very down. Or bummed.

I’m feeling bummed. *sigh*

Aidan is being naughty and making “food” messes all over the place. Our basement flooded last night because the power went out at 7:30pm and didn’t come back on until 2:30am, thus rendering the sump pump useless which is BAD when it’s raining a LOT. There wasn’t a whole lot of water, but there was enough to be annoying. Heh. Chris had to use the Shop Vac to clean it out.

There are other reasons I’m bummed too, but I won’t post them. Chris did entice me with a trip to Barnes & Noble, but honestly, I don’t even feel like doing that. ๐Ÿ™

This feeling I’m getting…it’s like OPPRESSION. As soon as I pulled into the garage, I just felt cranky. When I went to pick up Aidan, the sitter said “you don’t look very happy.” The kids all smiled at me, though, and that helped. But it’s like this weight, this pressure, and I don’t know how to make it go away.

I hate it when I’m like this.

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Heartbroken

Today, Aidan asked to watch the Grandpa Myron video. One, two, three times.

He watches it with such joy. “There’s my friend Grandpa Myron!!!”

I began cracking silly jokes to keep from crying.

I miss him so much.

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Failure

The thing is… even though I might be doing okay in all other aspects of my life, the ones where I feel as if I failed are what moves to the forefront of my mind, blocks everything else good, and gnaws away at my stomach. *sigh*

There are just places in my life where I consistently screw up. One would think I’d learn my lesson at some point–but it doesn’t seem to be happening. So I keep failing, keep screwing up, and if I’m not careful, the depression sneaks in and grabs hold of me at that part, works its evil magic, and tries to take over.

I don’t want to go there again. Ever.

Ugh. I hate feeling like this. ๐Ÿ™

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R.I.P. Grandpa Davis
I love you.

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Ugh.

Today is of those days when I feel awkward and dumb.

I hate that.

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