random

Man….

/ imported

What a trying week and a half it’s been. But I have my internet back, and my home phone back which makes me very happy. The reps were so awesome, doing all they could to make sure I got my old phone number back, and getting my Road Runner working again. Once the account is fully switched to my name, I think I will go to RR lite. It’ll be a bit cheaper than the one I have now–I don’t do all that much heavy downloading or gaming. I doubt playing TextTwist on Yahoo! Games is going to be slowed down that much.

I never realized HOW MUCH I depend on the internet to do so much, not just fun stuff, but everything.

I lasted about a week with no phone land line and about lost my mind. I have things I need to do, business things, and Verizon’s service out here is meh to grrrr. Dropped calls. Obnoxious to the max. With all the developments out here, one would think they’d have put a new tower out here by now, but nope. It’s been three years, and service still sucks.

When I was driving home, I was cranky (I’ve been pretty much cranky for the past 8 or 9 days). A while ago, my friend Libby had made me a CD of dance songs. She pretty much has my taste down pat, but there was one song that bugged me. And it’s not because Libby picked it for me; this song would bug me in any situation. I don’t like those smug “look at us now” love songs. I mean, it’s like, okay, you’re in love and you’ve lasted 9 million years. Good for you. But why do you have to go singing and bragging about it? “They said we wouldn’t last, but look at us now! Squeee!” A bit obnoxious? If you’re in love, rejoice in it, but don’t go rubbing people’s faces in it, and don’t go bragging about it. Just be in love. Be happy. Else, I’ll tend to think you’re just together to prove a bunch of people wrong, and that’s really stupid.

Today, I took Aidan on a mini-date to McDonalds. He was very good, eating all of his McNuggets. Now, here is what I don’t understand. I get us both McNuggets. Happy Meal for him, five-piece for me. But he always wants to take MINE. HE HAS HIS OWN NUGGETS. “I’m sharing with you, Mommy,” he says, but how, when he’s taking MY food? Still, he was really sweet. He reached across the table and put his hands on my cheek, then he actually came over and gave me lots and lots of kisses. It was a good date.

Work has been okay, though. I like the copyediting a LOT. When I find a mistake that’s gone through at least three other sets of eyes before coming to me, I get this thrill all through me. I know, it’s weird, but it happens. And it happened a LOT today. Mmmm. I love that “zing.” I love knowing I have sharp eyes and picking up that stuff. I do it anyway, I rather like getting paid for it. Speaking of payday, I’m really looking forward to it–a week from tomorrow. New salary, wheeee! In addition, there is a name tag on my cubicle, so I feel official now. 🙂

Just put a bunch of music onto my USB drive and onto a CD so that I can load the MP3s on my work computer. YAY for lots of music to listen to.

So, here is the weird thing. Remember how I said I was taking a break from writing? Well, the weird thing is that out of nowhere, people are coming to me about writing. I don’t know if this is a sign to stop being ridiculous when I say I won’t write for a long long time or what. But honestly, I think I do need the break. If I force anything, I will only be upset when it doesn’t work.

Speaking of upset, my stomach is NOT happy with me right now. It’s been kind of sad since yesterday, actually. Eh well, I’ll be okay.

I have internet again!!!! 😀

And to revisit my to-do list:

– Schedule appointment with Dr. Passias (ASAP)
– Burn some pictures to a CD to take to work
– Finish putting a bunch of Dylan albums onto my computer
– Grocery shopping (Thursday)
– Balance checkbook (Friday or Saturday)
– Fax a BUTTLOAD of paperwork (this week!)
– Make 9,000 phone calls and close all my credit card accounts (yee-haw!)
– Write-up about Cleveland Public Schools for Jen (due Friday)
– Find and return a library book (eek!)
– Read
– Memory Stick Dump
– Aidan’s SSN to HR
– Snail mail letter to someone special ♥
– Answer loads of emails
– Poke The Agent
– Buy birthday cards and actually mail the things

I’m getting there, I’m getting there.

‘Til next time….

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/ imported

Once upon a time, I would have let a blow like the one I got last night keep me down for days, weeks, even months. Spiraling down, down, down into blackness.

Once upon a time, I would have retreated completely inside myself, and berated myself forever, listing all the horrible things about myself–repeating them over and over and over–until I really believed I was the worthless “bitch” I called myself.

But today, some of my fighting spirit came back. Is still coming back.

And on top of that, I’m well loved. It’s hard to hide from everyone when people keep pulling you back out. When people care.

Can’t beat that with a stick.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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/ imported

&….

It’s also hard when almost everything in your life is falling apart so rapidly that you wonder when the amazing thing is going to disappear as well.

And you wonder what else will go wrong.

And even though people care, and you know they care, your heart refuses to believe it. And you feel alone. So very alone.

I pray the good things won’t fall away. Just seems the road to my happiness is riddled with pain and tears. Will it even be worth it if I get there?

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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/ imported

One of the hardest things to deal with is when you are bursting to tell everyone about something amazing that’s happening to you, but you can’t because telling people would not only be remarkably stupid, but could also ruin your entire life.

It doesn’t make sense, I know. And it’s kind of a tough position to be in. But I’ll take what I can, and trust that I’ll know the right time to tell all. I only know it’s not NOW.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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Interesting Observations

/ imported

Since my new job does not have a full-service cafeteria, nor any restaurants very close by, necessity dictates that I bring my breakfast/lunch if I don’t want to be faint with hunger. There is a microwave in the breakroom which is highly convenient. Today, I went to Meijer to stock up on yummies.

I noticed that the Michaelina Zap-Ems for 5 for $5. But the Budget Gourmet (same company) were 79 cents each. I picked up the Budget Mac & Cheese and the Zap-Em Mac & Cheese to compare. I mean, maybe the Zap-Ems cooked faster in the microwave. Or maybe they had less sodium or something. Oh no. Exact same product. Same size. EXACT. Exact same cooking times too. Just different packaging! A 21 cent difference for nothing but a different package! HELLO! Did they think someone wouldn’t notice? What the banana are they trying to pull?

I got the Budget Gourmet.

And now my car is filled with stuff to take to work and stock in my desk, since my appetite seems to be out of control lately. Meh. I’m sure it’ll pass.

I’ve also noticed that my patience with slow-driving idiots on the road goes down exponentially when I am hungry. Even more when I am hungry and there is a bag of McDonalds in the seat next to me just WAITING to be torn into. SLOW DRIVERS CAN PISS OFF.

Okay, that’s better. I feel good now that I’m stuffing my face with aforementioned McDonalds (while a black cat nudges my elbow hoping for me to share).

‘Til next time!

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