You know what I realized? I’m not a fan of “11” dates. For example, today is August 11th, and I’m not the least inclined to switch my calendar to reflect that.

I have a migraine. I took enough meds that the edge is taken off, but it’s still there, throbbing to remind me who’s in charge. I also feel a bit nauseated. My body is a hot mess. Not really. I’m more of a bundle of anxieties and nerves. So much stuff hanging in the balance. It’s like… standing on one tiptoe, leaning over and wavering, looking into a precipice, and waiting for the signal to go ahead and leap. Or maybe fall. Arms out, chest forward. Eyes closed. Fall into whatever’s waiting for me. Who am I kidding? I’ve already fallen. And I’m not in any hurry to get up.

So many strange things happening. *shakes head to clear*

Tomorrow, I plan to go to the Ohio State Fair. I will be broke, but I will have fun. Bob picked up an all-day ride pass for me, and there is a Scrambler, a Tilt-A-Whirl, a Power Surge, and other fun rides to twirl myself crazy on. There are deep-fried Twinkies to be had. And french fries roasted corn and hot dogs. Mini donuts. Unlimited refills on Kool-Aid. I will salivate over the smell of the ribs. I will stroll past the Native American guys playing the pretty music and think to myself “I will buy another one of their CDs, but next year, since I’m broke. Again.” I will walk past the bungee trainers and think “I did that a few years ago.” I will watch the helicopter go up and fly around, and stand there and let the wind from the blades blow my hair all over my head. I’ll make my way through the loghouse–the house that’s an ACTUAL Redwood log. I’ll go in the commercial building and try not to get suckered in by all the cool stuff they’re trying to sell. I’ll look around the flea market and feel nostalgic, even though they tend to have the same memorabilia every year. A butter cow will be gazed at. Ice cream will be shared, and inevitably, spilled. Pictures will be taken. Parades will be watched. Aidan will be photographed in whatever cardboard scenes they have up. I do it to the poor kid every year. And finally, I will spend time trying to convince everyone that the chickens ARE cool, dammit. These are things I do every year. It’s a tradition. It’s the Ohio State Fair.

But first, there is tonight. I’ve got to go to Meijer and get cat food. It’s NOT a choice. I’ll get a small bag tonight, and a bigger bag next week, after I get paid. Then I will have a bit of a rest, before I’ll meet up with people at Damon’s to celebrate Holly’s 29th birthday. Since I am broke, I will eat very little, if anything. But I will take pictures of the birthday girl. That’s free! 🙂

I feel myself descending into that quiet, reflective and anti-social mode again. But maybe it’ll just be for a few hours this time, instead of several weeks and days. I’ll see how it goes.

(Crossposted at my Vox)