LinkedIn Depresses Me

I Can Haz Kitty

Have you ever felt like you are just… not as accomplished as you should be? I mean, you all know how I feel about all this “grown-up” business, but honestly, I often wonder why I just can’t be NORMAL. Why can’t I be happy with getting up five+ days a week, going into an office, coming home, eating dinner, watching TV, and sleeping? People do it every day! And they’re OK with it. The long commute. The lunch break that always goes too quickly. Why can’t I just be satisfied with–or at least resigned to–that sort of life? It’s like, what is wrong with me?

Yesterday, I worked in an office for the first time since November. It was just a one day gig, but could have led to more.

It didn’t go all that well. I was not on top of my game and they were not big with the patience. I mean, part of it was me. I just wasn’t on top of my game. I hate to admit that, but there you go. But part of it was their expectation that someone should walk in off the street, be given five minutes of training, and do everything perfectly. That kind of pressure? It screws me up. But that’s how it is in Chicago. No one has time for training or learning curves. You have to be able to hit the ground RUNNING. It’s super cutthroat. And it does nothing for my self-esteem when I am just not there.

And I say to myself:
You are 37 years old.
Why AREN’T you there yet?
You loser.

You know how people get depressed when they’re surfing Facebook and they see everyone else’s fabulous life? I’m like that with LinkedIn. I get that nifty little email in my inbox with all the updates; everyone’s promotions and new positions and whatnot. Or I’m just browsing and looking at people’s profiles! Everyone’s so accomplished. Or they’ve been in the same company for eleventy-billion years and have gotten a promotion every five years or so just like they’re supposed to. People my age and younger are managers, executies, directors. I don’t feel so bad about that, per se. I think I feel bad because even if I wanted a title like that, I’d never qualify for one. And then I start to feel pathetic.

Because why DON’T I have an established career or job? Why do I just kind of float through life in a way that I have to constantly remind myself to be present, to be intentional, to make it count?

It should not be this hard! Why is it so hard?

deep breath

OK. It’s obvious that I’m freaking out a little bit.
It’s just that…
I have a big decision to make, and this decision is making me super nervous.
It’ll be a big time commitment and financial investment.
The support from my friends and family has been amazing.
I’m still scared.
I’m starting to learn that the easiest choice is not always the right one,
and that the scary choice is usually the one that will take me on an amazing journey.
It will show me things that I’ve never thought possible.
It will push me farther than I’ve ever gone.
It will change my life in a very good way.

Adam and I kind of live by the philosophy Jump, and a net will appear.

So, I think I’m going to do it. I’m going to jump.
oh my god.
Details soon.

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23 thoughts on “LinkedIn Depresses Me

  1. pamelazimmer says:

    Jump, and you will grow wings. The same meaning as what you said "…a net will appear." It can be scary, but life is about risk and believing in yourself. Someone might look at your life and think, why am I not like HER? Grass is always greener. But, enough of that… Go for your dream – can't wait to hear what it is?!
    I'd like to give you the Awesome Blog Content Award. You can read about it here…
    My recent post The ABC’s of Thankful Thursday Thoughts

  2. Mompreneur Mogul says:

    Just remember when people share things they always share the best :) They normally don't tell you things like "UGH I had a bill due and forget now I'm paying late fees, or I normally wear pajamas until 4pm I just put make up on for that picture.
    A preacher heard once said- "the grass only looks greener on the other side because you can't see the poop from your angle"

    I thought that was really good so be encouraged your turn is coming :))

    • Ronni says:

      Thank you for sharing with me. I always think everyone else has it so together and that I'm some sort of an outlier. To hear other people admit to these same feelings makes me feel less alone.
      My recent post Broadway Baby

  3. Mommy Bags says:

    oh girl I think everyone has been there at one point or another in their lives. The life journey is not wasy and it likes to throw you curve balls once in awhile. Just continuing believing in yourself and it will all fall into place. I am looking forward to hearing more. Happy Friday

  4. Margaret Almon says:

    There is something amazing in choosing the scary choice! I got laid off a year and a half ago, and decided to go full time with my art, and it made me wake up in the night with my mind racing, but I'm doing what I want to do, what I feel passionate about, and I didn't need to know how it would all work out–my mind went too much into the future, but that just erodes the present.
    My recent post Wordless Wednesday: Mosaic House Number in Blue and Yellow

    • Ronni says:

      I LOVE to hear about people following their dreams and choosing the scary choice! :D And I love how you're staying PRESENT, not worrying too much about the future. Thank you for sharing.
      My recent post Broadway Baby

  5. Annie@letterstomo says:

    There's something scary but exciting about living in uncertainty. We aren't all cut from the cloth and it makes sense that we all need different things to be fulfilled. We can't focus on what others have, because like someone else mentioned, you just never know what goes on behind their closed doors. I have a masters degree, which I am very proud of, but a manager at Dairy Queen makes more than me. Eh…Keep your head up and just jump in and try something. Maybe it will be for you, maybe not. Maybe it will be the thing that will show you what's meant for you.

    • Ronni says:

      That's what I'm doing, Annie. Keeping my head (if I had one to begin with hardeeharhar) and jumping in. Cause doing it the prescribed way? Hasn't really worked out that well for me, you know?
      My recent post Broadway Baby

  6. ramble2 says:

    Every single best thing that has happened in my life has come when I made the decision to leap, even without a net. It's scary as all get out, but it's always brought amazing things to my life.

    Take a leap–you may very well end up more thrilled with where you land than you can imagine.
    My recent post It’s My SITS Day!

  7. inc0h3rent says:

    I agree with pamelazimmer. People usually post the good stuff – doesn't mean real shitty stuff doesn't happen to them.

    I'm excited to hear about your news! I wonder what it is. Could it have something to do with Loyola? :-) *praying for you* *hugs*

    • Ronni says:

      You are so smart. That's why you're my friend. And I love when you comment here, Jen. Why don't we Plurkers comment on each other's blogs more? I guess b/c we talk on Plurk all the time.
      My recent post My Blog Is Cute! :)

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