The Sucky Part of Being a Mom

Now I know what it meant when a parent (mine never said this, mind you) on TV says “This hurts me more than it hurts you.” Because having to be strict and discipline your child, seeing him upset and crying, is NOT the thing. And I fought it. Boy did I fight it. I’m not a confrontational person, so it was really hard for me to do it and follow through.

BUT he did something that broke my trust, so all the fun stuff had to be taken away (in all fairness, I think he got off VERY easily considering), and I hated doing it. But I know that I have to. I’m not trying to be on Jerry Springer or something like that duking it out with my kid. No way.

Being a mom is hard. But not hard enough for me to EVER say, “This is hurting me more than it hurts you.” Heh.


Tired Girl


Wow. I’m really, really tired. By the time yoga teacher training would down today, I was like “Guh guh guh.” I don’t know if it’s the weather, my hormones (probably my hormones), or just a general feeling of “blah” creeping over the city of Chicago. All I know is that it’s icky.

I’m totally tempted to just go to bed now, but I have a long day tomorrow and I don’t want to nap now and end up wide awake in the middle of the night, then fall asleep at 545am only to be awakened too early because some IDIOT is hammering outside.

(There should be a law. No one should ever be allowed to hammer before 10am. It’s just rude!)

OK, now it’s many hours later. Aidan’s dad got an iPod touch, and Aidan’s figured out how to use Facetime to call me. He’s been calling me every night to Facetime and it’s been neat. He can show me things he’s talking about and vice versa. It’s also nice to see his face. Tonight, he called while I was writing this entry, therefore giving me something to do instead of going to bed way too early.

Here’s something really cool. Aidan is on Honor Roll, and he just got his best report card EVER. He’s getting awards left and right. He said he loves school and apparently he is thriving there. I’m excited for him and I hope he continues to love school and learning as much as he does now. Unfortunately, I peaked in third grade and things went downhill from there. I hope that’s not the case with Aidan. At any rate, now I have a bonafied excuse to give him surprises and to do something special for him! :)

Teacher training was hard for me today. I was already moody (although getting an entire train car from Chicago to Division was pretty neat). I got to the stuido later than usual and ended up way in the back when I usually sit in the front. I don’t like sitting in the back. It makes me tired and I feel less connected. I feel like I’m lost in the shuffle. I had different teaching partners which was nice, but I did miss Christine. I was fatigued and I just could NOT get on track with the teaching practice! I know I’m new and I can’t expect to be perfect (heck, even teachers with many years of experience mess up sometimes!), but today I felt like it was especially awkward.

I know what was weird for me. Today, I actually taught a small group (OK, two people) instead of just one. I got all discombobulated because:

1.) I was teaching some poses I’d never taught before. (Although that never tripped me up quite as much as it did today.)
2.) It was WEIRD telling people to do moves and having them silently do them. I got all insecure like “Oh my God, I hope they don’t think I’m dumb. Oh God, what comes next? I can’t remember! Where are my notes? AH HELP! Oh boy, I am doing terribly at this!”

How in the world do I get over that feeling? I guess I have 12 months to figure it out.

And then there is the food. We talk a LOT about food every week, and part of the curriculum is to watch Supersize Me and Food, Inc. You know who’s thrilled about that? Adam. (Not really.) He already knows I have food issues, he already knows how hard it is to keep me fed. I’m pretty sure this journey is going to be a challenge when it comes to eating. It already is in some aspects. So the thought of dealing with *that* is making me tired.

And all the racism stuff. My head aches from everything that’s been going on. Like the Hunger Games. The number of people upset that some of the characters in the movie AND book were black is sad and disturbing (because hello, can’t they read?), but not necessarily shocking for me. Yeah, it bothers me, but honestly, I’m used to being part of a world where some people think I am less than and will do everything in their power to make sure I stay that way. The attitudes of some people, and their vehement denial about life in this country for minorities don’t surprise me, but their absolute unwillingness to open their minds just the tiniest amount so they can listen and learn instead of trying to point the finger and place blame on others really bugs me. I have a lot of things to say about it, but I think I’ll save it for another post. Not in the mood to get too deep tonight.

I know what I need. I need some sun combined with warmer temps, hugs from Aidan (coming Friday YAY!), and a massage. A good sleep (without wailing cats, loud sexing neighbors, an overactive bladder, and random people pounding with hammers to wake me up) would be nice, too (but that’s not going to happen).

At least tomorrow I will see family, eat sushi, and make some $$. Oh and it’s payday. Woohoo!

OK, bedtime.

‘Til next time.


Quiet Around These Parts

Two of a Kind

Aidan is back in Ohio now. He flew out this evening. Some goodbyes are a lot harder than others. For example, over the summer, he cried as he was getting on the plane. That made ME cry. But tonight? The pilot took him to the plane, which Aidan always loves. And we’d laughed our fool heads off during dinner, because he and I are silly and wacky like that and I know for sure that Adam often looks at us like “What the hell?”

A Rather Large Slice of Pizza
aidan’s dinner.
a rather large slice of pizza.

Tonight’s goodbye was a little bit easier. There were no tears, just lots of hugs and cuddles. It’s always hard for me, though, not to have my little boy with me all the time. At the time when his dad asked for residency, I didn’t belive I was in shape to be a good mom, plus I didn’t want to screw up Aidan’s life and his routine any more than I already had. But now, I want him here with me…but I don’t want to uproot his life. He’s doing well there. He loves school (and he is KICKING BUTT at it if I do say so myself), he’s got his friends, he’s got a life there. And he gets to spend all his vacations in a cool city.

Still. Sometimes I miss kissing that little face so much it aches. I love hearing him laugh. (He’s got the cutest laugh.) And let’s not go there with the guilt.

So, for now, Adam and I will go back to our quiet little life here. And I’ll go back to counting the days until Aidan’s next visit.


Happy Birthday, Aidan!

Happy Birthday, Aidan!
Happy Birthday, Aidan!

He’s 9 years old today!

And the BEST 9 year old in the world.
If I do say so myself.

We took him to Toys R Us
and where he picked out
loads of LEGOs.

He asked that we take him to
Burger King for lunch,
so we did that.

Now he’s happily playing
with his new toys, and eating his
birthday treats from
Dunkin’ Donuts.

Birthdays are my favorite.
Buying presents for Aidan is my favorite.
Watching him get so much joy out of his gifts is my favorite.
Even listening to him sing “Happy Birthday” to himself over and over….
That’s my favorite, too.

Linking up with:
friday favorite things | finding joy


Favorite Photo(s) of 2011

Can you narrow your favorite photos in 2011 to just one? If so, then grab the button at the bottom of this post and link up at Finding Joy or Sam’s Noggin to show off your stuff.

Because I am IN this photo, I obviously didn’t take it. However, it was taken with MY camera, and we’re having so much fun that I couldn’t NOT include it. We’re dancing with Phineas and Ferb, the coolest Disney Channel characters out there, and having a blast! Look at Aidan’s face!

Rockin' Out With Phineas and Ferb

Hmm, but the one I took that’s my favorite? That IS a hard one. I have a lot of great photos. ;) But seriously. There were so many cool things that happened this year, and Aidan is so dang photogenic, it really is hard to narrow it down.

So, I’m going to go with this one. The colors are beautiful, Aidan is being the clown that he is, and yeah. I like it.

Aidan and some Pumpkins

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