life

A Good Weekend.

/ church, life
Just Thinking...
Just Thinking…,
originally uploaded by & Banana Girl!!.

Today, Bizzy, Chris, Aidan and I went to The Dawes Arboretum and Black Hand Gorge. We got some great pictures and had a LOT of fun. I heart Bizzy.

I had a good day. Aidan dressed himself and came into our room saying “I very very cute.” Indeed he was. 🙂

There was church. It was the celebration service. 🙂 The choir was good. The message was good. I had a backache and slight cramps and I was STARVING for some reason, so I wasn’t enjoying it so much by the end. We hooked up with Bizzy, took her to lunch, and then we went to The Dawes Arboretum and Black Hand Gorge. What beautiful places. I used to get so annoyed when Chris wanted to go to those places back in the day, but now that I’m into photography, I love going. Bizzy is super fun to hang with, too. We had a BLAST. Especially singing the BOOTIE song. WOOHOO. 😀 I always enjoy having quality time with Bizzy and today was especially good. <3 You can see more pictures here: CLICK!

Yesterday was good too. Aidan and I didn’t get up until 11am! That was amazing. The cable guy came and installed cable for us and then Aidan and I headed to my counseling appointment. My counselor was very good with Aidan and she took us to Goodale Park. That is a beautiful park and I can’t believe I’ve never indulged in that place before. It’s very pretty and Aidan had a blast on the swings. She also bought us treats (I need to locate mine!) and it was good. After counseling, Aidan and I went to In His Presence, a Christian bookstore, so I could pick up another copy of The Ragamuffin Gospel. I had a copy but I lent it to Jon and Bizzy’s mom over a year ago and honestly, I don’t want to ask for it back. Meaning–I don’t mind if she keeps it because she’s so sweet to me. 🙂

After that, Aidan and I went home. We hung out for a bit, I finished reading Lust by Robin Wasserman. I am eagerly looking forward to the other six books in her Seven Deadly Sins series!! Apparently this author has been around for ages–why have I never heard of her before? I’m not usually a fan of third-person point-of-view stories, but she is one of the authors who does it well.

She is an inspiration to me and there are characters running rampant in my head, dying for their stories to be told. The trick is that they need to tell me what they want me to share, and show me how to do it well. I guess that’s where this crazy writing talent God gave me comes in. Right?

And holy banana, is it really already 11pm? 🙁 *sniffle* My weekend is over already. At least I have tomorrow evening and Thursday evening free. Tuesday is The Grove, Wednesday is Life Group, and Friday is AIDAN DUTY for real yo.

I watched Cold Case again last night. Damn you, Cold Case, for making me cry even when I don’t give two ice creams about the characters for the first 45 minutes of the show. I was thrilled, however, to be able to watch Pimp My Ride, and Southpark again for the first time in MONTHS. 🙂 Ahh, cable TV. I promise not to abuse thee, but I did enjoy indulging yesterday, that’s for sure.

Good night.

P.S. I want this. Now. LOL.

Comments Off on A Good Weekend.

Mumbo Jumbo (Pictures)

/ life, pictures, survey, Uncategorized

I survived another wretched Wednesday at work. It wasn’t nearly as bad as last Wednesday, though. Still, it was tough and a bit frustrating and I’m just glad the work part of the day is over! Only two more days until the weekend!!

Aidan is so cute. Just thought I’d mention that. 🙂

I am craving BACON like WHOA. I mean, I am hungry. My food cravings were crazy on the drive home today–and trust me, I am not pregnant. I’m just hungry, I suppose. McDonalds, spaghetti, BBQ bacon burger and fries from Max & Erma’s…

Today when I was driving to work, I was behind one of those mini vans with the DVD player in it. They were watching Cinderella. ºOº That put a smile on my face.

Last night, Rob and Jennyfoo came over. I had so much fun. We ate and hung out and watched Hitch. It was soooo good seeing Rob and seeing Jennifer too. She bought me presents: Coldplay X&Y and the Garden State soundtrack. 🙂 We also traded music from our computers. YAY. I’m a happy girl, I love music.

So, I downloaded the bootleg Extraordinary Machine months ago. Jennifer brought the CD over last night and I was surprised and thrilled to discover that Fiona had rerecorded most if not all of the songs. The album definitely sounds more like her style, unlike the bootlegs I have. I have it now to tide me over (thanks, Jennifer) but I’m going to buy my own, of course. It’s that good.

And randomly, here are a couple of pictures:


Here is Jon refusing to smile for his “birthday” photo. It doesn’t matter what he does, though. He’ll always be a beautiful boy.


This is one of the roses from my yard. Chris brought it in on Sunday for lunch/dinner with Holly and Robert and I cropped out the background clutter, put in a black background, and used the soft focus filter. What do you think? It’s my first attempt at serious photo manipulation in a really long time.

My back hurts. I am also crampy. It cannot be time for that already!! *groan* and *sigh*

And… survey HEY!

Comments Off on Mumbo Jumbo (Pictures)

A Kinda Sorta Dramatic plus Rambling Entry…

/ friends, life, mommyhood, survey, Uncategorized

I have a dilemna. this weekend, the additions to Heritage will finally be done and they are having a celebration service! I’ve been looking forward to this for a few weeks now. The choir will be singing and there will probably be snacks and stuff. BUT, Craig mentioned that he wanted to get a cabin at Lake Hope, and invited me to join. It will be PEAK and that means loads of beautiful photo opportunities. Both of these are one-shot deals and I can’t decide which to do. What do you think???? HELP ME!!

Last night, I took Jon out to celebrate his birthday. We went to The Cheesecake Factory. Jon was exhausted because he’d been helping out with his triplet nieces all day. Once he got some Irish Coffee in him, he was fine. Wouldn’t smile for the picture I took of him, but he was fine. THAT BOY CAN PUT AWAY SOME FOOD, let me tell you. He had the chicken alfredo sans the sun-dried tomatoes, and he ate it all. I had the crusted chicken romano. Very yummy, but a LOT of food. The chicken covered the entire plate!! Naturally, I brought some of that home with me. I drank a Cosmopolitan. It was $8.50! I didn’t really like it, but I forced myself to drink it all because hello, it was $8.50. I should have stuck to my usual Amaretto Sour. But hey, live and learn, right? It did get me feeling good and I guess that is what really matters, right? They do not play around there with their drinks, that’s for sure.

Bizzy joined us for dessert. She had the chocolate mousse cake, warmed up. I had the lemon raspberry cream cheesecake, and Jon had the apple crisp. After dinner, we went and watched Waiting. Funny, slightly disturbing film. Especially since Jon, who used to work at Applebee’s, confirmed some of the things that went down in the movie. Moral of the story? BE NICE TO THE PEOPLE WHO HANDLE YOUR FOOD!!!

We stopped in Hot Topic before the movie and I got a BOONDOCK SAINTS t-shirt. Oh yes.

I could not sleep last night. I tossed and turned forever. Even though I had eaten all the food, my stomach somehow thought it was empty. I was daydreaming about spaghetti and pizza and french fries and couldn’t wait for the night to end so lunchtime could be closer. I don’t think I fell asleep before 2am. It didn’t help that Aidan was tossing and turning like crazy and he kept wanting to lie on my face!! He also kept pushing me nearly off the bed and stealing my pillow.

I am pretty tired, but I’ll be okay.

And tell me how sad this is. I don’t watch a lot of TV, but the past two Sundays, I’ve been coming downstairs just in time to catch the end of Cold Case. I get attached JUST ENOUGH in that fifteen minutes or so to have to fight tears every time. What is that all about? Do any of you watch that show? I’m not one for crime shoes, or much TV at all, so this is crazy.

That might change though. Time Warner offered us a super deal. We will get 74 cable channels for $24 a month until 2007. Woot. I can watch FOOD NETWORK and TLC again!! 🙂 🙂 I don’t know when it will be installed, but it’ll be neat to be able to watch Unwrapped again. Not to mention Lifetime. 🙂

Someone awesome is coming over tonight and we’re going to eat awesome food and have awesome fun. I CAN’T WAIT!!! 🙂 🙂

Speaking of Aidan, he is amazing me every single day. His speech is developing more and more every time I hear him talk. Yesterday, I told him I like it when he talks, and he talks a lot which is great. He builds things, he pretends. Last night, before I got ready for bed, he was downstairs “cooking” for me. He brought it up and said “Mommy, I got food for you!” It was pretend, of course, but soooo darn cute.

He had a growth spurt. I had a feeling that’s what had been happening. He was cranky and extra clumsy and sleeping a LOT and eating like a little piglet. (He and I ate an entire box of Froot Loops Friday night :x). Now his bibs are too short for him. Such a shame as he insists on wearing them all the time and then running around yelling “I CUTE!”

In Target Friday night:
Ronni (pointing to a 30 minute meals book): Who is that?
Aidan: (looks confused)
Ronni: It’s Rachel Ray!
Aidan: That’s my GIRLFRIEND!

Back in 1997ish, I watched the US National Gymnastics competition. Erin (celinedion), you might remember this. All the gymnasts were posed at the beginning in a shadow room, they played this dramatic music (which I feel in LOVE with immediately) to introduce the competition. Yesterday at work, I was listening to the iTunes shared music and noted that the person who puts all the Celtic music had put on more David Arkenstone. So I listened to it. The last song was THAT SONG. I thought for sure I’d never hear it again and now, here I have an artist and a name: The Quest of Culwch. If anyone has it, please send it to me please? Pretty please?? I do plan to buy the CD (actually, I’m going to buy all of his CDs–I already have Atlantis, but I want the others too) but I have to wait ’til I get paid to pick it up and I WANT IT NOW.

Seven years ago, it was Fall 1998

Comments Off on A Kinda Sorta Dramatic plus Rambling Entry…

Whatever.

/ books, life

Cinderella came today! 🙂 I was so happy. I have a new pin to add to my collection, and I gave Aidan the three stuffed mice that came with it. Aidan and I spent the evening together. First we went to the new Target, then we watched Cinderella and had chicken nuggets and tator tots (special french fries to Aidan), and LOTS of Froot Loops.

I got a new book: The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things. It’s good, but right now it’s really sad.

Aidan doesn’t call himself Ah-Ahn anymore. He says a-DEN. His speech is improving more and more everyday and I simply LOVE having conversations with him. I also love it when he says “EWWWW!”

I thought work would be horrible today, but it honestly wasn’t that bad. I spent more time at the copier than ever, and once my pages start pouring in, it’s going to be worse for me ALL THE TIME. But today wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, thank goodness. Plus I had a yummy lunch with Kelle Belle (itskels).

Every day in email, I get these things called “The Daily Ohm.” They’re full of great spiritual advice and things of that nature. One of them spoke of media fasting. That is cutting oneself off from TV, radio, internet and such for a certain period of time. I’d considered maybe cutting myself off from the internet and email for a season. Okay, not an OFFICIAL season, but for a certain amount of time. A weekend or so. I’ll have to think about that.

Baby shower tomorrow. WOO-HOO.

The weather is getting cooler. Tomorrow’s high is supposed to be 58º F. 🙁 Good-bye summer.

I need to get some sweaters. Chris thinks I should just pull mine out of the closet, but they’re all misshapen and stuff. My body keeps changing so much that my sweaters rarely look right from one year to the next. How depressing, huh? I feel fat again. Gross and fat. 🙁

Anyway.

I’m so glad the weekend is here. Although this week seems to have gone fairly quickly. YAY for that. 🙂

I think.

Okay. I’m going to read. G’night!

Comments Off on Whatever.

Brokenness/Friendships (Long)

/ christianity, friends, god stuff, life, reflection, religion, ronni

Brokeness? Brokenness? I’m not sure of the proper spelling. Who knows?

Anyway, there is a song we sing in church. One of the verses goes like this:

Brokeness, brokeness is what I long for…

I don’t really remember much of the song at the moment. One thing is for certain–that particular line always stood out in my mind because I never understood why someone would LONG for brokenness. From what I understand, being broken means being miserable. Everything is going wrong. Lives being torn apart. Pain beyond belief. Nothing left. All one can do is cry out to God.

I want to be able to cry out to Him any time. Actually, when I am hurting, I tend to run from God. I hide because I usually feel as if I am being punished and that whatever I did to deserve the bad things means that I’m too bad for God. And I guess in Christianity, that is true and that’s why we have Jesus. Jesus is supposed to be our bridge to God.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine called me a “good Christian.” I’m not comfortable with that. I’m not a good Christian. I’m a Christian because I am so very bad. I need some kind of redemption, and here, God offers it, basically for free. Except… I just can’t be still and accept this gift. I evaluate my mind, my thoughts, my actions, my wants. And I think to myself “I won’t see God in Heaven.” And that scares me.

I try to fathom God’s love for us and I simply can’t. I’ve tried to compare it to what I feel for Aidan. I don’t choose to love him. It’s just there, just as the sun rises every day. Just as the seasons change. It’s just there and I doubt anything Aidan does will take that away. Since I do love him so much, I don’t see myself “breaking” him just to draw him closer to me. Maybe I don’t know what I am talking about because he is only two.

Every year, I learn more and more about myself. Not all of it is good. I feel as if I’m supposed to be a certain way for whatever reasons, but I know there are things about me, ugly things I keep hidden from most everyone I know, that will pick at me for the rest of my life. I don’t like it. And I ask God “Why can’t it just be EASY? Why can’t You take this away? I don’t want this anymore.”

Then I get hurt. Again and again and again. I think of things and I wonder what I did to deserve it. I think of good things and wonder when it will be taken away. I ask God why did He save me from that particular pain, but allow me to feel this one, the one that devastates me. I find it hard to run to Him when I am so angry at him. Then I feel guilty. And now I feel like I just wrote a verse in Mr. Brightside.

But seriously, times have been trying for me. I am so confused. I feel angry at hurt, but on the other hand, glad. It’s October, that time of year for cleansing and pruning, at least for me. I tend to start evaluating my relationships and deciding which people to cut and which people to keep. Almost like sorting clothes in my closet.

This no longer fits me. I’ll get rid of it.
Hmm. I might fit into this one again. Let’s pack it away and try again in a few months. Or years.
I love this!! I’m definitely keeping it.
Wow, I can’t believe I forgot I had this. I need to remember to wear it more often.

I cut people off who no longer fit with me. We all grow and change. Maybe it’s merciless. It’s probably everything Christianity goes against, but I’m not God. I can’t be friends with people who hurt me over and over. I can’t continue to waste my energy investing in people who couldn’t care less about me. It’s amazing that (I’m taught) God chases us, persues us. I can’t do it, though. I have to cut them out for my sake. It’s not as if they care, so it’s good all around. Not to say that it doesn’t hurt. It always hurts. More with some people than with others, but the pain is always there. But in the long run, I start to feel liberated. I no longer have to worry about that situation ever again.

Some people just don’t mesh well with me right now. That’s not to say that won’t change in a few days, months, years. There is one person in particular who used to frustrate the bananas out of me just a few short months ago. Now I adore him times a million and can’t wait to get to know him better.

Then there are those who mean the world to me, those unexpected friendships. The ones that just bloom out of nowhere. Just like the random petunias that pop up in our flower bed from time to time. Petunias are annuals. Chris hasn’t planted them for years. They should not be randomly growing!! But they do, and it’s always a wonderful surprise.

And of course, there are my old friends who I don’t talk to as often as I used to back in the day. Speaking to them is like a breath of fresh air, and I wonder “Why don’t I call him/her more often? Or get on AIM or email? Why is that?”

New friendships. I think the best ones are the unexpected ones. The ones that suddenly happen. It’s hard, though, not to feel lonely here. My best friends all live in different states. I have a lot of friends here, but no girlfriend (in Columbus) who I am really close to. Is this my fault? Do I put up walls to keep people out? I mean, if they’re out there, they can’t hurt me, right?

I feel like I’ve cycled through a LOT of people in the past 18 months or so. Today Chris said “Ronni, not everyone has to be your best friend. And it’s okay for your best friend to live across the country.” That’s easy for him to say, though. He has Craig. They talk all the time and go on trips together and hang out often. I have friends I can call all the time. But I guess I’m still not satisfied yet. When will I be satisfied? Why can’t I be satisfied with the friends I have now, and even the very good local friends I have (like one I hope to start eating lunch with every single Friday from now one–or at least the ones when we get paid HAHA), or that certain brother of mine who has been absolutely loyal to me for nearly a year now… and just give up trying to have a (local) best, best, best friend?

Or maybe I shouldn’t think about it so much and just let things happen. Like that flower.

I guess I just get lonely and I don’t call a lot of people because I worry that I am bothering them. I don’t know. Sometimes, I can’t help but to reach out, though. It’s like a compulsion. I think of someone, I want to contact him/her. I have to curb that urge because it’s burned me too many times. Gifts should be given freely. But when repaid with cruelty, I can’t handle it.

I should go to bed. I could go on all night babbling about junk. I hope I haven’t hurt anyone with this, or made them feel left out. That was not my intention. Just what I’m feeling right now… it’s a lot. I’m scared that God has started “breaking” me. Too many things are crumbling. Too many foundations are cracking. I’m scared that I’m getting sick. Aidan is growing and today is the first time it’s making me want to cry. One day he’s going to be a man. I don’t know if I can handle it. Or if I even want it. But I’m not supposed to fight it.

Good night….

Comments Off on Brokenness/Friendships (Long)