mommyhood

Up & Down (Pictures)

A week after I quit that job, I am now starting to feel the depression of not having full-time work. I know I did the right thing in leaving, but right now, that “You’re worthless, no one wants you on their staff unless they’re going to mistreat/underpay you, why can’t you just suck it up and deal with working in miserable conditions just like everyone else” voice is beating heavily into me.

This week started off so great, too.

Adam’s family, Aidan, and I went down to Millennium Park and to Cloud Gate, which never gets old for me. It was Aidan’s first time there, and he LOVED it. He’d been talking about seeing “the big bean” for ages now.

Fun at Millennium Park!

Aidan lifting the “bean”.

Fun at Millennium Park!

I realized that there were no pictures of me without a camera in front of my face, like this one:

Fun at Millennium Park!

So I had Adam take one of me:

Fun at Millennium Park!

Aidan got wet in the giant fountains. I mean SOAKING!

Fun at Millennium Park!

Fun at Millennium Park!

Fun at Millennium Park!

But he didn’t care much for the train ride home. He was scared to death to go underground (he thought it would be very dark) and the train was very loud. He cried at first.

Yesterday was a good day.

Today started off nicely, too. It was a beautiful day. Perfect temps, sunny, blue skies and fluffy clouds. My most favorite kind of day. I got to meet Adam’s business partner Troy, and I took pictures of the Weird Chicago guys down on the lake shore. Cassidy treated me to a manicure (hadn’t had one since prom) and a pedicure (hadn’t had one since 2006) and my toes look adorable:

Pedicure!

We ate lunch at an adorable Italian place in Niles, IL. and acted silly when we were stuffed to the hilt.

Those Silly Kids

After popping into Target where I found out the gift card Ivy gave me was $40, not $25 like I’d thought, the Selzer’s dropped Aidan and me off and are now heading back toward Georgia.

I’m letting the little disappointments get to me. I got a little carsick today on the way to Target. Didn’t puke, thank God. The new pillow I got reeks and I have to return it. I feel like I’m letting everyone down for various reasons, and I honestly feel like crawling into a hole for a while. Everything’s eating away at my heart and soul and I know it’s a matter of time before I break down (again). But I have my little guy here and he loves me no matter what, so I’m going to hang on to that.

The job hunting blogs keep bleating the same thing. “YOU WILL NOT FIND A JOB SCOURING THE JOB BOARDS AND THE WANT ADS. THE ONLY WAY TO GET JOBS IS THROUGH CONTACTS AND NETWORKING.” Well, that’s nice and all, IF YOU FREAKIN’ HAVE CONTACTS. Guess who pretty much has ZERO contacts in Chicago. The agencies have been somewhat helpful. There is one here that I’ve had really great luck with, one that I’ve had OK luck with, and one that I’ve had a bit of luck with. But none of the full-time stuff I was up for panned out. That’s about as far as having contacts goes for me. It just seems like that “dream job” is always going to be out of reach. I want to do what I’m good at and what I love, and I want to be compensated well (or at least paid a living wage for goodness sakes) and treated with respect while I do so. I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting away while someone gets rich off of me while I’m away from my adorable little boy. But that won’t happen as long as I seek work for others… but I’m too scared to try to do this on my own on the self-employment route. I feel trapped and stuck and scared. Like I’ve gone backwards instead of forward or even lateral, and that’s the way it’s always going to be for someone like me, whose talents are a dime a dozen in one of the most competitive fields out there.

And folks, that’s how I feel now. Sad and tired (haven’t had a lot of sleep the past several days) and like the world’s biggest failure except when it comes to Aidan. And sometimes, I have my doubts about that too. :(

Bye.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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Pleasantly Tired (Multimedia)

Hey, folks. How’s it going? I’m OK, just tired. Aidan’s here with me for the summer and the kid asks a billion questions. It can be exhausting. Right now, he and Adam and assembling a complicated-looking Hot Wheels race track thing and it’s so cute to hear them interact!!!

Chris, Matty, and my mom brought Aidan up and spent the weekend in Chicago. They REALLY enjoyed the food, and my mom was thrilled to find her Philosophy stuff (and she bought some for me too)!

Mommy & Me
Mommy & Me on Michigan Ave. It was really windy!

Matt, Chris, Aidan
Matty, Chris, and Aidan

We had a good time. They really enjoyed the food, especially the sandwiches from Bari and the Chicago deep dish pizza:

Chris & Pizza
Chris and the big ole pizza.

Aidan LOVES playing the Wii, and he kicks all of our butts at bowling. Here is he playing the boxing. It’s hilarious:


This is me getting all dressed for a day of touristy stuff.

Hi!

My mom LOVED Navy Pier, even when Aidan was being a banana at times. I think he just got overstimulated, but he liked riding the train and eating cotton candy.

Good Times at Navy Pier

Aidan Looking Scholarly

Mommy & Aidan

Choo-Choo!

Crookshanks is happy to have Aidan here:

Aidan & Crookshanks

And he enjoyed my mom:

Crookshanks Loves Mommy

* * *

Chris brought a bunch of pictures of Aidan from the past couple of months. Here are some highlights:

Enjoying Himself

Paying His Respects

Aidan's Graduation

Aidan's Graduation

* * *

Randomly, in the middle of typing this post, the power went out for a short while. Adam, Aidan, and I took a walk around the block (thank God it’s warm enough to do that!) and then came in and ate dinner after the power came back on. Now Aidan’s watching Chicken Little. It’s gonna be an early night tonight. Because of the rain and a gutter leak RIGHT ABOVE MY BEDROOM WINDOW (that makes it sound like someone’s banging drumsticks on the pane), I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I also got up early, and I have some intense freelance work to start on tomorrow before Aidan wakes up. *yawn*

G’night, y’all.

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Another Picnic! (Pictures)

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…..

Aidan is currently sitting in time out, screaming his head off because of the following:

01. He lost the DVD remote again.
02. He demanded that I find the remote.
03. I told him that because he lost it, and he wants it, that he needs to go find it.
04. He yelled at me, and told me NO, I needed to find it.
05. I told him, again, that he needed to find the remote if he wanted to use it.
06. He stormed into his room, screaming that he was mad at me, then slammed the door.
07. He came out, smiling, and demanded I find the remote again.
08. Repeat of numbers 3–6.
09. Then he HIT me.
10. I said OH NO.
11. He ran into my room and locked the door.
12. I told him to unlock that door RIGHT NOW. He did.
13. I picked him up and put him on the ottoman and told him time out for five minutes.
14. He’s been sitting there wailing every since.

Seriously, how in the fresh hell does he think it’s my responsibility to look for the remote HE lost? Good Lord. He’s the one who wants to watch all those silly cartoons and such. He’s old enough to know better, but I see I’m going to have to teach him not to blame his problems on other people. And the hitting? Oh HELL no. I am NOT having it. NOT having it.

I think he needs a nap.

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