ronni

God & Me

/ money, ronni, spirituality

I often wonder what God sees in me. Or why He bothers with me. For example. I just spent the last oh, say… 3 months shopping like there is no tomorrow. Racking up the debt quicker than I could say “charge it.” (I never actually did say such a thing, mind you.) This is not the first time I have done this. It’s obvious that I am foolish with money. Just downright stupid.

So, why did He allow me, once again, to have a consolidation loan? To bunch all these bloody bills into one lump payment, and get rid of the cards quicker than if I’d tried to pay my pathetic minimum payment(s) each month?

I DESERVE to have to struggle. I deserve to eat those diarrhea-inducing Ramen Noodles every day. I deserve not to have new clothes/books/CDs/etc. Because I spent frivolously, foolishly, and unabashedly. I had my reward before the payment. Now it’s time to give back, right?

So, now what? Well, the plan is this. To put the credit cards on LOCK DOWN. That’s right, folks. LOCK DOWN, okayyyy? And Chris and I will work to pay off this loan. (Not all the debt is mine, I am happy to say. Thanks to the accident and other things, he has his fair share in there as well). Perhaps I need some financial advising. Oh, who am I kidding? “Perhaps” needs to eliminated from that sentence entirely. Gosh. This is a bit embarrassing. But here goes:

I NEED FINANCIAL COUNSELING!

There, I said it. Whew. Do I feel relieved? Hmm. Not really. But admitting the problem is the first step, right?

Hi. My name is Ronni. And I’m a bit of a shopaholic. I use shopping, and the acquiring of new goods, to medicate pain/loneliness/sadness/stress, etc. I personally agree 100% with the term retail therapy. I need help.

Everyone: Hi, Ronni! =D (kool-aid smiles, Prada bags, Jimmy Choos, and Miu Miu skirts peek at me from every corner, threatening to do me in even before I begin).

Maybe… just maybe, I can finally learn to be more responsible with my money. Even more importantly, I must FOLLOW THROUGH with what I’ve learned. Stay responsible. Build up my savings. Live faithfully in spite of the American Way of materialism and consumerism. I can do it.

Dang it.

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GOALS

/ ronni, to do

GOALS

Here are my goals – to be reached by September 21, 2004:

  1. Weigh solid 105 pounds. No more fluctuating.
  2. Pay off one credit card.
  3. Have manuscript queried.
  4. Save $$.
  5. Memorize 3 Bible verses

All of these will require tremendous amounts of discipline.  So, I have to put some rules into place:

  1. No eating after 9pm (especially JUNK FOOD).
  2. Watch the food I eat–cut down on the junk food and sugar.
  3. No frivolous spending (this one’s going to hurt).
  4. NO MORE CHARGING FOR CLOTHES/BOOKS/CDs, etc.
  5. Make more time for God.

I have to really start taking better care of myself.  Getting to bed earlier, for one.  For some reason, I just wake up around 9pm, and I get all creative and hyper.  It kind of sucks.

But oh well.  I’m a night owl.  May as well accept it.

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From Katie (live4himalways)

/ meme, ronni, survey

Borrowed from:

ANSWER IT!!  🙂

(then copy it to your journals so I can answer yours)

– I ____ Ronni.
– Ronni is ____.
– I think Ronni should _____.
– Ronni needs ______.
– I want to ____________ Ronni.
– Ronni reminds me of _______.
– Without Ronni _______.
– My memories of Ronni are ________.
– Ronni can be __________.
– Worst thing about Ronni is _________.
– Best thing about Ronni is _________.
– I am ________ with Ronni.

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Diagnosis

/ ronni, writing

Hypergraphia: The driving compulsion to write; the overwhelming urge to write. Hypergraphia may compel someone to keep a voluminous journal, to jot off frequent letters to the editor, to write on toilet paper if nothing else is available, and perhaps even to compile a dictionary. Hypergraphia is the opposite of writer’s block.

So, there’s a name for it. I never knew that. 🙂

From: here.

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Comfort Zone

/ ronni

Lately, I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone, and doing things I never would have considered. For example, taking on a possible leadership role in Damascus. Crosstrainers. Meeting tons of new people; making new friends. Playing volleyball in a pool when I haven’t played volleyball in about 15 years, and when I don’t know how to swim. The only explanation I have is that God is working. God is moving in me. It’s amazing, really, to see the changes and growth in myself. It happens so slowly that it’s hard to notice–until I find myself doing something like playing volleyball, risking injury and getting water in my nose and eyes, and having an awesome time doing so. (Thanks again, KP, for having me over. I had a lot of fun!)

Being a MOM is a huge step out of my comfort zone every single day.
As is being a Christian/Jesus Freak.

I am being asked to take on more responsibilities at work. My role will be increasing in load. And I will be doing lots of leadership stuff. It’s exciting and SCARY. I’m not sure where I stand on challenges. But this will be a whole new world for me.

Lord knows I still struggle. I still struggle with where I am with Him. Where I am in life. Things in my life that are huge. Things from the past that are painful and trying to haunt me. I’m growing and changing. It’s how life is. We grow and we change. I hope it’s for the best, I hope it’s in a way that makes God proud of me. And if steps to that is stepping out of my comfort zone–BRING IT.

(But not all at once. Ease me into it?) 🙂

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