God & Me

I often wonder what God sees in me. Or why He bothers with me. For example. I just spent the last oh, say… 3 months shopping like there is no tomorrow. Racking up the debt quicker than I could say “charge it.” (I never actually did say such a thing, mind you.) This is not the first time I have done this. It’s obvious that I am foolish with money. Just downright stupid.

So, why did He allow me, once again, to have a consolidation loan? To bunch all these bloody bills into one lump payment, and get rid of the cards quicker than if I’d tried to pay my pathetic minimum payment(s) each month?

I DESERVE to have to struggle. I deserve to eat those diarrhea-inducing Ramen Noodles every day. I deserve not to have new clothes/books/CDs/etc. Because I spent frivolously, foolishly, and unabashedly. I had my reward before the payment. Now it’s time to give back, right?

So, now what? Well, the plan is this. To put the credit cards on LOCK DOWN. That’s right, folks. LOCK DOWN, okayyyy? And Chris and I will work to pay off this loan. (Not all the debt is mine, I am happy to say. Thanks to the accident and other things, he has his fair share in there as well). Perhaps I need some financial advising. Oh, who am I kidding? “Perhaps” needs to eliminated from that sentence entirely. Gosh. This is a bit embarrassing. But here goes:

I NEED FINANCIAL COUNSELING!

There, I said it. Whew. Do I feel relieved? Hmm. Not really. But admitting the problem is the first step, right?

Hi. My name is Ronni. And I’m a bit of a shopaholic. I use shopping, and the acquiring of new goods, to medicate pain/loneliness/sadness/stress, etc. I personally agree 100% with the term retail therapy. I need help.

Everyone: Hi, Ronni! =D (kool-aid smiles, Prada bags, Jimmy Choos, and Miu Miu skirts peek at me from every corner, threatening to do me in even before I begin).

Maybe… just maybe, I can finally learn to be more responsible with my money. Even more importantly, I must FOLLOW THROUGH with what I’ve learned. Stay responsible. Build up my savings. Live faithfully in spite of the American Way of materialism and consumerism. I can do it.

Dang it.

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