I’ve decided that I’m giving up McDonalds for Lent.

This means that I should stuff myself with McDonalds the next two days. Because as of Wednesday, no more of that for me until Easter! Will I survive? Will I, will I, will I?

(Of course I will, I’ve gone longer than 40 days before).

I forgot to write about Bible Study yesterday. I think it’s going to be really good. If I can commit to all thirteen weeks of it. I haven’t spent time with just GIRLS in that kind of a setting… ever. It’s a new experience for me. Although I talk so much I worry if I’m annoying people. So I’ll try not to speak up so much next time.

Wednesday is supposed to start this whole new spiritual thingy at my church. Journey to the Cross it’s called. I remember how excited I was about the 40 Days of Purpose thing they did. I started off and was all enthusiastic and motivated. Got to chapter two of Purpose Driven Life and it all fizzled. I haven’t opened the book since. I was excited for When Godly People Do Ungodly Things. I got halfway through the workbook and then stopped. I don’t even know where the book is! So, I hope that I can maybe stick to the Journey or the Search for Significance study. ‘Cause I lose interest/motivation in the middle of so many things. Sucks.

I’m dibble-dabbling in a few Grove ministries now, trying to find a place to fit, a place I can be creative, a place I can contribute and serve. A place I’m wanted. I’ve been to the drama meeting, the newsletter meeting, and I have another meeting this week. I don’t think I’ll be able to do everything I want, but if I can do a couple of things that aren’t too intensive, then I think I’ll be (kind of) happy and not overwhelmed.

I feel bummed right now. Not sure why. I’m not really that tired. Just… meh. Heavy-hearted is what I’m looking for, I think. Irritated at people and their expectations of me. Annoyed at the expectations I have of myself. Guilt for anything and everything. My “beautiful” smile is ruined for the next ten or so days. Lack of motivation is high. I think Aidan kept trying to touch my face last night and I kept pushing his little fingers away. I feel badly about that. Chris finally put him in his room at some point; I barely remember it though. Benadryl will do that to ya, I guess.

So yeah. I’m missing my poor sick little boy too.

And I’m feeling blah all over. 🙁

NO TIME TO GET SICK. I can’t take any days off without receiving some kind of punishment. I have to be strong here.

akdafadklfjalk I’m crashing again. Fun fun. Not so much. *eye roll*