We Want More, Always.

I’ve been sick the past few days. Monday, it had to be the result of something I ate on Sunday (Brunch with Becky!) I was weak and running to the bathroom and well, it was not fun. I took the day off. I’d originally planned to take 1/2 day and come in for the afternoon. I got up at 11, realized that I was weak and dizzy, decided to shower anyway (you know how you’re sometimes better after a shower?) and well, I only felt worse. Back to bed I went. I got Aidan and was glad when Chris got home.

Tuesday was okay. Busy but okay. I felt tired, but emotionally as well as physically. Just BAD. My hair looked like crap and I could not get it to behave. :( Copied the Bark but decided against going to The Grove. Lots of reasons for that.

Wednesday was a bad day. Until I got to Life Group. Funny that I’d been ready to skip out and go to Easton with Bizzy–but I had Aidan and no stroller. Sorry but shopping mall + 2.5 year old – a stroller = BAD NEWS. So I decided to nix the Easton idea and head to the Group. It was pretty fufiling, but I was tired and falling asleep. The emotional fatigue was wearing on me.

Yesterday was the worst. I could not keep my eyes open. I took a short nap during lunch. No help. I fell asleep as soon as Chris got home from work (645ish). I slept, then got up and had a quick dinner at 10. Went upstairs, played on the computer and read til 10:45. Then back to sleep for me. Until I woke up after hearing a large crash come from Aidan’s room. Then Aidan got up and came to our door. I opened the door and he was crying. I picked him up, he said his diaper had fallen down. Indeed, it had. When I went to change him, he asked to use the potty. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! That was awesome. I gave him lots of praise. Then he said “I go mommy bed.” So I put him in bed with me and he was asleep in no time. I played on the computer for just a little bit, decided it was too much, and tried to sleep. Only I had to use the bathroom. And again. And again. And I’m still going.

I seriously hope I don’t have IBS. That would suck so badly.

So much stuff is going on this weekend I don’t have time to do them all. There is a Memories (scrapbooking) Expo at Vet’s. Joyce Meyer is at Nationwide Arena. There is a huge birthday party tomorrow night. The Gahanna Creekside Festival. The Latino Festival. And guess what? I HAVE NO MONEY. I am completely broke. I have nothing. It’s pathetic, actually, how much debt I’m in now. I think the debt to income ratio–I’m not even going to mention it. I’m stopping the chiropractor as of today. I know they’re going to fight it, but I don’t have the money. I have to do something–I am thinking of calling CCC. I’m tired of this. I’ll never get ahead if this keeps up. I’m in a circle and I’m falling, falling, falling. Another reason I avoided Easton yesterday. No more temptation, then no more shopping, no more spending, right?

So, the all-emcompassing fatigue is gone, but I still feel icky. Had a bad dream. Lots of bad feelings about people that I was holding in all came out in my dream. The people I am harbouring something against–I confronted them about it in my dream. Well, basically one person. But in front of the other one involved in the issue. I remember being frustrated and angry and then going off. I remember parts of the dream where I did not feel welcome. It was a crappy dream. But it did feel good to get stuff off of my chest in the dream. As if I’d be able to do it in real life, though. And anyway, it won’t even matter soon. I hope. So yeah. Stupid dreams. Although the release of tension in the dream is probably what is making me not as tired today. It’s not weighing me down anymore.

I am so sick of automated phone systems. You know, the ones that make you listen to 84548578 menus and never give an option to speak to a darn person? Grar.

Sunday we’re supposed to be going to King’s Island. Now, before the lectures about money start rolling in, please realize that it’s free and the meal is included! Chris’s company picnic takes them every year, and he gets two free tickets. Good Times. So since it’s free, I don’t expect we’ll have to be there the entire day. It’ll be fun for Aidan, especially if we meet some characters (they have Yogi Bear and such there, I think).

I don’t like the way I feel now. :(

I’ve started reading the “Color Me” series by Melody Carlson. I didn’t realize they were Christian until I looked up the website, and then the kids in the book started talking about God and Jesus and stuff. Not sure if I liked it or not, but it’s in MY novel (although mine is not a Christian novel, per se). I was delighted to see dancing. I thought the Christian publishers were anti-dancing?

I want to work on my writing. There are a couple of authors and agents who have Live Journals and when I read their journals, I get that scarycrazyomgexcited feeling in my stomach. Then I get all inspired and excited. I hate how the feelings dance all around, ranging from flat out confidence and hope to “there is no way I’ll make it. There is too much competition, it’s too hard, blah blah.”

In other words, I am so happy that it’s Friday! You have no idea how happy I am that it’s Friday. So so happy. :)

Even though this weekend will be kind of busy. I have chiro tonight and I have to stand my ground and discontinue. Driving for an hour there in rushhour to be treated for 10 minutes is frustrating. Then there is the monthly fee. I simply cannot add anymore debt and I don’t have cash to pay for it–too busy paying off the other debt!

Tomorrow, I have Aidan duty all morning. Then off to a baby shower at three, then hanging with Jennifer. Depending on when I get done there, I might attend a party or see what Rob and the GANG is up to. Sunday is King’s Island. Then it’s back to the ole grind Monday.

If only I could find a job that is fufilling. At least Boss #2 is here, though.

Reason number 489574985798 why Boss #2 is so fun:

Ronni – I need money from you.
Boss #2 (reaches in pocket, digs around, pulls out a $20) – how much you need?

Isn’t that great? HAHAHA.

I actually did have a good reason for demanding money from him. Operation Feed stuff. Word.

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Monday Again…

Spent almost all of Easter Sunday in bed! I missed Easter dinner at the in-law’s cause I was so sick, but they sent food home for me which was good because I was hungry. Craving spaghetti, but with little energy, so the already prepared food was good for me. And who can go wrong with Honey-Baked Ham? I didn’t get any potatoes, but I got some for lunch today because they had open-faced roast beef. Yum.

Made it back to work today–I’m fine if I sit down and don’t make sudden movements. But if I get up (especially suddenly), I get lightheaded and weak. Chills. Shaking. Stomach pains from time to time. I’ve been battling this since December–I wonder if it’s not pneumonia or bronchitis. I never did fully get rid of the cough. I should probably go and get it checked out, but who has time for that? I’m even more behind on things now, but the thought of even attempting to tackle everything anything overwhelms me.

The thing that sounds the most appealing thing to me is SLEEPING. But none of that for about four hours or so.

I wish I could work half days and work my way up to full days. I’m struggling today. Almost to Beyond the point of irritability for being so tired and weak despite having had hours and hours of sleep.

I managed to update the Winter 2005 photo album. I hope to get the Chicago pictures up in an album soon. Who knows when soon will be?

This Saturday, Aidan goes to stay with my mom for two weeks! I’m going to TRY not to sleep the entire two weeks away! I have much to do before then, though:

– April issue of The Bark
– special surprises for people
– CLEAN (actually that can wait til the little bugger is gone)
…lots more

Ack, I’m exhausted just thinking about it all!

I guess yesterday, Aidan took off his diaper, sat on the toilet, used the bathroom, then got down and put his diaper back on. Was I dreaming or did that actually happen?

Darn drugs.

‘Til later, maybe.

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Did I not just write a long post about how I have no time for anything? Wah, now I’m going to fall even more behind. :(

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Cough Hack

Took the day off. Had something to do with the fact that when I stand up, I get completely dizzy and in my opinion, I should NOT be driving in this condition. I’ve got a headache and I’m coughing a lot. I think it’s another URI and that I’ll just have to wait it out. BAH.

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