anywhere is….

I’m a little bit bummed this morning. I got two job rejections within minutes of each other. Tell me that’s not a blow to the ole ego. I’m trying to do all the positive self talk, you know:

Something better will come along.
Those jobs weren’t right for you.
The perfect job is waiting for you.

But instead, these questions/statements keep coming up:

What am I doing wrong?
What do employers see in me that make them not want to hire me?
How dare I think that I will actually be worth $XXk a year?
I’m worthless. That’s all there is to it. I’ve been out of work for six months now, and there are no prospects on the horizon for permanent work.
My friends are all moving forward, and I’m stuck/moving backward.

I’m going to have to really give in to the disappointment eventually, and it won’t be cute when I do. I’m already stressing, even though Adam told me not to worry. I have a car payment and insurance. Thank God I don’t have credit cards or loans to pay, or else I’d’ve been in HUGE trouble. As it stands now, I’m still freaking out a bit, even though Adam said we’re fine.

And my temp assignment has been postponed again. Now the start date is September 8th. I’m really hoping they don’t put it off anymore, and I’m desperately hoping they don’t decide to scrap the whole thing. I’m counting on that income to get me through the end of the year!

One exciting thing is that last Friday, Adam hooked up my stereo to the Mac Book and showed me how to record cassettes and make mp3s out of the songs on them. So many songs that I thought would never be in digital form because they’re either B-sides or out of print, I have now digitized and I can listen to them on my iPod. I was in my nerdilicious element, recording songs, editing them, processing them, and editing the ID3 tags on them. I still have a handful of songs that I’d like to encode. I’ll do those sometime soon. My favorites are already done, and that’s the important thing.

Also, last Friday, Adam and I went to a Little Mermaid Sing Along at the Music Box theatre.

I’ve never been to Rocky Horror, but I’m guessing this was like a squeaky clean version of it. We had little props to use (bubbles for when Ariel was taking a bath, clickers for when Sebastian was walking, a “dinglehopper” with which to comb our hair), things to yell at the screen, and of course, the words to all the songs were also on the screen. There were little girls dressed in Disney princess outfits, a guy playing Disney songs on the organ, and candy. It was a lot of fun.

Saturday, Adam and I met up with Becky and went to Nookies, Too for brunch. I had strawberry crepes.

Then we hung out, spending a bit of time in Oz Park.

After the park and hanging out with Becky, I was struck with a migraine that had me out for about 40 hours. It was horrible. I feel so helpless when I get those things… all I can do is lie there, my heart and mind racing with all the stuff I need to do. But I know that if I even sit up, my head will explode and my eyes will slam shut and I’ll want to cry out in pain. I do not like getting migraines. Thank God they usually happen over the weekend.

I miss Aidan. He’s going to Phoenix tomorrow, which will be a lot of fun for him. He is one well-traveled little boy.

Less than a month until Disney World! I’m really trying to stay positive, you know. So, I’m going to try to concentrate on that.

That’s all for now. I’m going to hit the shower. A couple weeks ago, I splurged and bought some Caress Daily Silk body wash and I LOVE the way it smells. I used the bar a lot when I was growing up, and the scent reminds me of summer, and of my mom.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)