love/hate.

Chicago Skyline from Lake Michigan
It’s no secret to everyone who knows me that I have a love/hate relationship with Chicago. And that even with this tumultuous relationship, I have no desire to move back to Columbus, Ohio. Even though there are parts of my life there that I miss, it’s not worth it for me to move back and feel so depressed again.

I moved to Chicago on St. Patrick’s Day in 2008, and let me tell you, it was hard going for a while there. I’d just left Aidan in OH with his dad, my cat Lucy passed away, I couldn’t find a decent job, it was cold and grey, and I had some major sticker shock in regards to the cost of groceries. Things didn’t start to look up until that summer. Adam found me a great doctor who I still use to this day, I got medicated again, I got to temp in an office that was a far cry from the nightmare I worked for in my first job here, I (re)discovered chocolate covered ice cream bars, and Aidan was with me. We also got Helena, and oh right, Adam and I got married.

Things got better for me after that first few months, and I’m pretty adjusted now. I still have mixed feelings about living here, though.

THE BAD
There are some pretty damn awful things about living in Chicago. Things like:

– how people start shooting everyone once the summer temperatures hit. really? why do you need to go around shooting and killing folks? and dude, it’s been winter for like, eight months. why are you mad that it’s finally warm?
– people (myself included) are SCARY when they drive here. every time i get behind the wheel (and let’s be honest, i try to avoid that as much as possible), i freak out a little bit. people are super aggressive and quick to honk and throw middle fingers. so am i, i’m ashamed to say. (it’s why i don’t have things on my car that say namaste or something, cause i don’t feel it when i’m behind the wheel!)
– there is never a defined rush hour. bad traffic is almost always a constant. and it’s terrible. when it takes 90 minutes to go 30 miles, you know something’s not right.
– on that same note–the traffic lights. they’re just wrong. there are so many of them, and none of them are timed in a way that makes sense. for example, you will be sitting at a red light and you’ll see the green one on the next block. your light finally turns green… just in time for the light on the next block to turn red just as you get to it. imagine dealing with that for miles and miles. yeah, i understand why the dudebros in the big black suvs get aggressive.
– i hate driving here because it turns me into a raving bitch.
– because people do things here that i don’t see anywhere else. the sheer amount of double parking on the streets still blows my mind. people don’t think twice about blocking traffic to get a sandwich. “my flashers are on, so it’s ok!” they must think. the sense of entitlement some drivers have here is amazing.
– the sales tax. why the hell is it nearly 10%?
– also, why are groceries taxed?
– gas prices in the city are nearly $1 more than in any other part of the state/country.
– the cold lasts so long here. while everyone else in the country is posting pictures of their kids in their spring clothes and things in april and early may, i’m still in gloves and a heavy coat. it doesn’t warm up here until mid-to-late june. we get about eight weeks of really warm temps on average and only two of them are unbearable (for me anyway).
– it’s an intense city. people are in a hurry to go ACCOMPLISH THINGS. or i feel like i can’t walk down the street without someone wanting something from me. it gets to be wearing. i spend a lot of time hiding in my room because just a few days out in that craziness makes me feel violated.
– the library and education system here is not good and they’re getting budget cuts all the time.
– it’s just plain inconvenient to own a car, and that’s done purposefully, with high registration costs, random extra costs like city stickers, expensive and challenging parking, and the awful aforementioned traffic systems.
– people don’t clean up after their dogs in the winter. it’s so gross once the snow finally melts in june and there’s dog poo all over the sidewalks.
– people are loud. and there are a lot of them. i need space.

THE GOOD
But there are some wonderful things about living in Chicago.

– morton arboretum. lots and lots of trees!
– LOTS of amazing authors come here for book events. (remember when i met judy blume?)
– so many opportunities for creative industry folks like me. i get to primarily work from home doing what i love. that’s quite a blessing.
– anderson’s bookshop.
– molly’s cupcakes.
– the cta (but i say that being a person who doesn’t rely on it every single day like some commuters)
– lots to do–it’s your own fault if you’re bored.
– shopping. i can hop on a bus and be at a tiffany & co. in 20 minutes. lots of really great stores that are not common to find.
– cloud gate.
– the skyline really is impressive.
– christmas in chicago is a wonderful thing. everything’s so beautifully decorated. there is the german christmas market downtown, the macy’s store windows, and the big tree in daley plaza.
– they film a lot of movies and tv shows here.
– i can sometimes get background acting roles for movies.
– i can wear my hair natural and not feel like i’m being “subversive” or “making a statement.” because god forbid i wear my hair the way it grows out of my head.
– the community at moksha yoga (which is the one thing i’d really miss if i moved).
– i have an amazing doctor. she really, truly cares about her patients, and she feels like a friend.
– good sushi is right around the corner.
– i mean, i can walk to a delicious sushi place in about three minutes.
– even though they poop everywhere, the dogs are typically pretty friendly and they cheer me up a lot by coming up to me for pets and rubs.
– people as a whole are dicks, but individually, they’re really cool. a lot of folks who live here are super friendly. except when they’re driving. then they’re assholes. so am i.
– it’s cool to say “i live in Chicago” when people ask where i’m visiting from.
– i’ve gotten to do some really cool things, things that would have never happened if i haven’t lived here: becoming friends with sarah dessen, meeting weird al, being an extra in divergent and seeing kate winslet in person, meeting ll cool j, getting to go backstage at certain shows, hanging out with ricky luna, all the master yoga teachers i’ve studied with, getting certified to be a yoga teacher, the huge fireworks in my neighborhood every july 4….

Now, Adam is absolutely in LOVE with Chicago, so I don’t see us leaving here any time soon. But sometimes I do fleetingly think of moving somewhere new. Sometimes, I just feel like I’m ready for a new adventure. Except I’m not sure where I want that adventure to be! I do know this: I want somewhere warmer (or at least somewhere with a normal winter), less expensive, less crowded, less intense, and more green. It’s so weird, one never knows where they will end up, right? Ten years ago, I would have NEVER pictured this life…even though I had started planting the seeds to grow this life. So who knows what new awesome things are in store for me? 🙂

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i confess part 3 {the music edition}

Concert! :)

i confess… sometimes i listen to disney world music just to get myself whipped all up in a frenzy. i’ve been to disney world twice this year and this music always makes me want to go right back.

i confess… i also dance to disney parade music. yes, i bought the actual CDs and i put them on and dance to them. i am so cool.

ROCK ON

i confess… i listen to yanni and i like it. in fact, i also like kenny g. what?

i confess… my father used to play the blues all the time when he’d drive us around. i’d pretend i hated it but i secretly liked some of it. except for the guy who used to snort. he was disgusting. i think it was bobby blue bland who did that. gross.

i confess… i stole my father’s george michael tape, his karyn white tape, and his david sanborn tape. my sister stole his bobby blue bland and bb king tapes. she embraced the blues a lot earlier than i did. i fought it for a long time.

don’t nobody get outta here without sangin’ the blues–adventures in babysitting

i confess… that adam and i have been listening to a lot of country music lately. we like to count how many of them aren’t about the following things: beer, small towns, creeks/rivers, and/or cheating. we could totally make a drinking game out of this.

i confess… even though i tell myself i’m not going to, every time i go to half-price books, i end up checking out the 50¢ cd section. because honestly, if i pick up a CD for 50¢, and it has ONE good song on it, that’s still an entire CD that’s cheaper than anything i can get on itunes! and last night was a gold mine. they had mariah carey and britney spears and the beastie boys and the twin peaks soundtrack and some maxi singles that i never even knew existed. i was so excited to get mariah’s first album on CD. because of course i had it when it was new and popular… but it was ON TAPE. now i can listen to it in my iPod or on my computer. yay.

i confess… yes, i still like to buy CDs. i just got n*sync’s greatest hits from best buy the other day for $5. i know everything’s going digital and CDs are being phased out. the poor CD section at best buy is only an aisle and a half now, and there are a lot of “bargain” CDs. but i still like to open the case and flip through the liner notes and put the disc into my computer’s disc drive and import the songs into my iTunes, and then onto my iPod. and new CDs smell almost as good as new books or binders with PVC in them. i know, it’s weird.

Half Price Books CD Haul. :)

i confess… even though i still buy CDs, i do love music downloads. i have a monthly subscription to emusic, i regularly buy music from iTunes, and i am always checking out whatever free downloads are offered, usually from new artists. (amazon, itunes, and last.fm all have loads of free downloads that are totally legit and some of it is really great stuff.) i used to get all of them before i discovered the nifty “preview” button. i love how convenient downloads are. it’s like when i used to be able to buy a single instead of an entire CD, in case the CD sucked (and back then, they were way more than 50¢ let me tell ya–some of them are STILL nearly $20. what?)

i confess… one of my favorite things about a new year is wondering what new music i’m going to hear and discover. and what old favorites i’m going to rediscover from my vaults. like this mariah carey CD. i’d forgotten how much i used to love “vanishing” and “it’s all in your mind.”

i confess… i adore this gif of the president listening to music. it makes me smile. i wonder what he’s jamming to? i find myself bobbing my head and smiling just like he does when something i like comes on.

Barack-Obama-Listening-to-Music

i confess… shazam and google. a heavenly combination when you hear a song you like but have no idea what it is? shazam will listen and tag it for you. or you can type lyrics into google and more than likely a youtube video will come up. genius.

i confess… i used to segregate music pretty good in my life. when i was little, i listened strictly to kids’ records until i fell in love with michael jackson. then it was mostly him (with a little bit of prince, and lionel richie thrown in). let’s be honest. i mostly listened to r&b when i was younger and would not, could not stray from that. when i got to intermediate school (like middle school but only grades 7 and 8), i listened to keith sweat, guy, dana dane, mc lyte, pebbles, babyface, etc. i would not listen to white people sing (unless it was george michael apparently). i just refused. i even watched the video for “please don’t go girl” and predicted that “those white boys wouldn’t go anywhere.”

Just. I mean. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK. i mean, obsessed head over heels wallpaper the walls buy all the things TAKE ALL MY MONEY AND MY MOTHER’S MONEY TOO PLEASE in love with them.

there are pictures. of me. covered in nkotb gear. buttons. sweatshirt. watch. earrings. i was a hot mess.

Sixteen
16 year old me
with my favorite music people
on the wall behind me
{notice pandernoodle?}

and because i had to watch or listen to the “white” stations to hear them, i started listening to other music by other artists. i remember hearing the guitars in an amy grant song and feeling like i was betraying myself or something. AMY GRANT you guys. also, music was starting to really cross over. white kids were listening to envogue and bobby brown and mc hammer. it was starting to be ok to listen to music outside of the color lines. oprah even did a special on it. i still have it on tape. eventually, i started to get over the musical segregation rules i’d put upon myself (or maybe society thrust them upon me?), but things really changed for me when i got to college and saw black kids listening to stone temple pilots and n.i.n., and sincerely enjoying it with no shame. and that’s when i finally embraced my own musical leanings full heartedly.

AND NOW….??

i confess… i will listen to anything once. my music collection is insane. look in my iPod and you’ll find kirtan, move scores, musicals, r&b, pop, country, metal, pagan, jesus music, folk, alternative, adult contemporary, hip-hop, dance, electronica, trance, house, celtic, traditional chinese, meditation, new age, chants. there’s something for every mood, and i’m always open to new stuff.

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my top 25 played

Music is powerful. For me, it’s more about the beat, melodies, the vocals, and the way it makes me feel rather than the lyrics. But I like music, and I am so glad I live in a world where there is so much to listen to, and so much to discover.

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30 week blog challenge – week 5: favorite quote

This week’s blog challenge is to share my favorite quote with you. I have a lot of them, but there is one that sticks out in my mind:

“A room without books is like a body without a soul”—Cicero

Honestly, I live by this quote. Every room in this apartment has books. There are piles of books next to my bed, and bookcases in the bathroom. I love to read. I can’t get enough. It’s my default comfort zone. Like, when someone tells me they don’t like to read, I just don’t get it. It’s incomprehensible. But when I think about how I’d rather read than watch TV, I kind of get it, because there are people who LOVE TV whereas I can take it or leave it. I mean, I enjoy TV when it’s there, but it’s not my first choice for entertainment. I’d rather read. Different strokes. But at any rate, there needs to be a book close to me or I don’t feel right. It’s weird.

Another quote I like is this one:

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”— Martin Luther King Jr.

I really felt this one when I was going through my divorce from Chris. I saw people draw their lines and pick their sides, and I was often left in the dust. But there were some people who supported me through the whole thing. And that’s how I learned who my true friends were. I tell everyone who is going through a divorce or separation that they’ll learn who is truly there for them when times get hard.

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”—George Eliot

At the ripe old age of 38, I feel like a lot of my dreams are silly and need to be shelved. Or they’re just unrealistic. And that’s OK. Not everyone can be a famous movie star. But I can still be a New York Times bestselling author someday. I just need to stop being scared and go for it.

“Kirtan is non-denominational, the Universal language of Spirit, the song of the Soul.”—New World Kirtan

Incredible was the day I realized that I got that same feeling of freedom, love, and happiness from singing kirtan that I did when singing certain worship songs in church. There are certain advocates that say yoga and kirtan is evil, from the devil, it’s “idol worship” and that the chanting is a bunch of gibberish. How close minded can someone get? And I won’t even go into how insulting it is that they call Sanskrit “gibberish”–it’s a legit language, asshats.

I remember the first time I went to kirtan, I was like “what the f—?” but then I couldn’t get the chants out of my head. And I started to seek them out. And I loved them. And before anyone gets all weirded out, please know that the first time I went to Catholic church, I was also like “what the f—?” …and the same when I went to temple. Funnily, I wasn’t like that the first time I attended a Lunasaugh ritual, but honestly, I am too darn lazy to be pagan.

My spiritual journey has been quite a ride, and I haven’t gone much into it on my blog, because I don’t fully understand it myself. I always put up a bit of resistance when deep down, I know something is going to pierce my soul in a good way. But I’ll tell you this. I can chant Jaya Jagatambe, or sing “Famous One”, or do a yoga practice to the Four Directions, and still feel that same soul shaking, party rocking good time. And that opens my heart more than any stern lecture from any pastor can.

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october.

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It’s so hard to believe that it’s already October, even though the leaves have been slowly changing, some of the days are less mild than others, and pumpkin everything is showing up at all stores. I am not a fan of pumpkin myself, but Adam loves the stuff.

Morton Arboretum Autumn 2012

October is traditionally a hard month for me… but the last few Octobers have been so busy that I haven’t had time to really get sad. There were all the years I was working at Schawk for fourth quarter, and last year I had my video review and ton to attend, plus other teacher training stuff to deal with, so I was pretty busy last year as well. This year, October is going to be pretty mellow. OH WAIT, IT TOTALLY WON’T.

I have freelance gigs, travel plans, workshops I want to attend, and a massage to enjoy. I have to make my annual trek out to Morton Arboretum for pictures and happiness and a visit to my favorite tree. I’ve got to start preliminary holiday shopping plans. And I need to watch The Little Mermaid because I just got the Blu-ray today.

I also wore this today:

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ronni!style
dress: free people
jacket: kohl’s
leggings: ragstock
sandals: earth origins

I promise this showing off my outfit stuff won’t be a regular thing. I am so not a fashionista, and this is not a fashion blog by any means. I don’t know how to do all those cute poses that the fashion bloggers do. But I had to show off this outfit because I’m so proud of myself for putting it together and I think it’s kinda cute and I got compliments on it.

Jury Duty

September wasn’t too busy for me. I worked a lot, visited my mom in Ohio, picked up the Aladdin and Jasmine Designer Fairy Tale dolls at The Disney Store, did a day of jury duty (did you know you get certificates if you actually serve on a jury?), and shopped. A LOT.

It was a good month, though, but September always goes too quickly. Time really does fly.

Before I sign off, I thought I’d leave you with the evidence of this deliciousness I had yesterday:

Mmhmmm.

I KNOW.

Till next time.

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visiting ohio.

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ronni!style
jacket: levi’s | jcpenney
pants: rockstar | old navy
sweater: mickey mouse | kohl’s
scarf & arm warmers: five below
purse: rosetti | kohl’s

Last week, Adam and I drove out to Ohio to visit my mommy for our annual September trip. I was very much looking forward to visiting my mom, getting the heck out of Chicago, and eating at Bob Evans!

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One thing that Twinsburgh, OH has that Chicago doesn’t is trees. Lots and lots of trees. The highways here are clogged with cars, and on the sides are buildings or grassy knolls… but the highways in Northern Ohio are bordered by woods. Actual woods. It’s gorgeous and refreshing to see. I always forget how thirsty I am to see trees until I’m around them and can’t stop looking.

Anyway, we arrived at my mom’s at about noonish Monday morning. We wanted to be there earlier, but the drive took forever! I-80 was just stuffed with construction, and that’s never any fun. And there were cops everywhere there wasn’t construction. But we made it and immediately headed to Bob Evans for lunch. 🙂 We shopped and then went home and hung out for a while.

My cousin Falandos came over and we headed out for Mexican food at this place called El Camino. I’d been there only once and remembered amazing margaritas. The margaritas are just as delicious as before. We may or may not have made our way through two pitchers.

Best margarita ever!!!!

Some more of my family met us at the restaurant, and we had a lot of fun eating delicious food and catching up.

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aunt geneva, me, terri

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me, falandos, janae
i am totally not drunk

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my cute mommy

It was a good night.

The next day, I could not wake up! I was trying to work from home but kept falling asleep at the computer. It was so annoying. But I finally got the work done, and we headed over to the west side for Adam’s book event. While we were there, Belinda and Patrick showed up! 😀 We ended up going with them to dinner at this wonderful little place called Cafe Stratos.

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patrick, me, belinda,
and stella the greek

We had the cutest server named Stella, and the food was SOOO GOOD. All homemade. Everything was good, the soups, the dessert (I had blueberry pie), and the crusty bread that came to our table before the main course.

Also, it was customer appreciation night, so our entrees were half price with the purchase of a beverage. The menu had a ton of stuff that looked good. I went with the veal which I think was an excellent choice. It reminded me of the veal at Marone’s, a place I loved when I lived in Columbus.

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belinda and patrick
i adore this couple
my mom said she loves their energy

After dinner, we headed to my friend Andy’s to FINALLY meet Odin, his rottweiler who’s now seven months old. Odin is huge but he’s got a sweet heart. It was funny, he’s so protective of Andy. When we first arrived, he seemed all tense and all, you know how dogs do. But then I hugged Andy and I could see the dog visibly relax. It was amazing. After that, Odin and I were totally BFFs.

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The next day, we hung around the house relaxing. We were all tired from a whirlwind two days, so we watched The Food Network and talked. Later that evening, the cousins visited again and that was fun.

Thursday, we were slated to leave, but Adam started craving sandwiches after watching them create such lovely ones on Food Network shows. Now, I am always up for a good sandwich but Adam rarely is. My mom mentioned Corky & Lenny’s and we were on our way.

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corned beef, juicy
smothered in mustard
sweet damn

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mommy biting into her delicious sandwich

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adam got some fancy sandwich
with corned beef and pastrami
and cheese and i think some sort of dressing

We did some more shopping, and I took the chance to spoil my mommy a bit. 🙂 Then it was time for us to head back to Chicago. We made it after an uneventful trip back that didn’t seem nearly as long as the trip to Ohio. Maybe because I had a good book to read in the car. Or maybe because there wasn’t nearly as much construction.

Anyway, it was a much too short trip, but it was a lovely trip nevertheless. I am quite blessed.

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