anywhere is….

Lots of Randomness Ahead.

Ronni,
You are quite willing to apply all your energy toward making your life easier now, but it may seem as if there are no quick answers. Your unexpressed insecurities have more of a hold on you than you realize. There is, however, great potential in the current situation, but you’ll need to slow down and take the time to discover what is here for you. If you can avoid being such an optimist for a while and see things as they really are, you’ll learn an important lesson about creating intimacy.

I LOVE tarot.com. It’s like–they know everything. And I love how their horoscopes aren’t all “this is going to happen today.” It’s about how I’m feeling. I wonder if other people with my sign are dealing with similar issues?

It’s scary and amazing how a certain incident can trigger all sorts of things within oneself–things this person thought were buried or resolved. Sometimes the response is more emotional than one had anticipated–often to the point of shock and then self-revulsion. I know exactly what this part is referring to: Your unexpressed insecurities have more of a hold on you than you realize. Now that I’m aware, I have to keep being patient with myself as I work through it.

Worried about a few things; people mainly. You know who you are. I’m here if you need to talk.

I NEED to get an oil change this weekend. NEED. I’m like 6,000 miles past the limit. Tire rotation is due too. Can you believe I put over 20,000 miles on my car in a year? I drive a LOT. Let’s not talk about how much I spend in gas. Yeah, about that. I spend probably $60 a week in gas, and that’s a little Hyundai Accent. Approx. 8.5 gallon tank. Costs me close to $20 to fill it up because gas is getting so expensive. So… I guess we are to expect the prices to hover around $2.00/gallon now?

I’m going to need to do some freelance work to make up for that!

Now if I could just not be a chicken-shit and actually submit some freelance stuff….

I am so glad it’s Friday. The weather is finally warming up! Spring is this Sunday WHEEE! It’ll be summer before I know it! YEA! Cute clothes, flipflops, cool sunglasses-here I come!

I think we’re going to finally get A/C put in our house this year too. No more fans! Ha!

I hope to spend a lot of time connecting and reconnecting with my friends this summer. I love the summertime. I’m looking forward warm temps, NO SNOW, sunshine, parties, cookouts, game nights, campouts (yes, Rob??) and then some. I can’t wait for the winter to be over.

I forgot to write that I had dinner with my friend Tony a couple of Sundays ago. It was really nice. We ate at Max & Erma’s. He had just come from work and he has to dress up so he looked really hot. He doesn’t believe me when I say he’s hot, but it’s true. I’ll have to post a picture of him.

The dinner went very well. We talked and talked and talked. It was very good and extremely enjoyable.

OOooo, how happy am I at the prospect of sunlight wafting through the house?? Now I just have to clean it. AGAIN. Son of a….

I miss Rob. A LOT.

I’m thinking of getting a new car stereo. My CD player is busted. When I put CDs in, it makes this nasty tapping noise and my CDs start to skip. Chris says it needs to be cleaned. So I’m going to try that. If that doesn’t work, then I’m going to look into a new stereo. I’d love a CD Player/Cassette Desk combo. I really want to be able to play my iPod in the car without using an FM Transmitter. I have an iTrip and it’s rather annoying. Can’t say I wasn’t warned, though. ‘Cause I was.

The song “Roses” by Outkast is stuck in my head.

And now for a bit of soul-baring:

I get scared when I find myself in friendships that are deepening. When I really hit it off with someone, I embrace them, then I immediately want to push them away. I know it comes from being hurt so much in the past. From letting people in and trusting them only for them to betray me. Or dismiss me.

I think back to the cycles in my life. The times when I was incredibly social to the times I locked myself in my apartment and made videos of myself singing “This Kiss.” *blush* I flip-flop so much between dying for alone time and longing to be with my friends! It’s so confusing and weird.

I know that I’m trying to protect myself and my heart. But how much is too much? I’m in my social period now but I feel myself winding down. Craving more time alone, just with me. In my house. But I refuse to shut out the people I know now–I’ve been having too much fun with them and they mean way too much to me. I’ve grown up (somewhat, not really) and I just can’t shut people out anymore because I’m scared they’re going to hurt me. And I KNOW it’s fear.

I have to break through it.

Dammit. I have so much work to do. And then after all the efforts, I’ll end up dying in the end anyway. Funny, that.

I want to do something with people tonight, I think. Maybe go and grab a bite to eat. Or maybe rent/watch a movie. Anyone up for it?

I’ve got my script memorized (almost) for The Grove on Tuesday. Excitement abounds–My HCC acting debut! 🙂 I love acting. Did y’all know I was a theatre major my first year in college? I switched to psychology because I thought I’d have a better shot at landing a realistic job. I wish I’d switched to Communication. Trying to break into that field is HARD. 🙁 And it’s what I’m good at and what I love to do. I don’t even get interviews–so I have to maybe rework my cover letter so they can see the passion I have for that and then call me for interviews so I can WOW them. *sigh*

Anyway.

I stole it from sylvehr! 🙂

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Ronni
Birthday: December 20
Birth place: Cleveland, OH
Current Location: Columbus, OH
Hair Color: (naturally) Golden
Righty or Lefty: Righty

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: Good Lord, as if I know.
Shoes you wore today: My Chuck Taylor knock-offs. So frikkin comfy…
Your weakness: SHOPPING!!
Your perfect pizza: Ham. Mmmm.
Goal you’d like to achieve: I would like to be a successful, published author.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your most overused phrase: “What the banana…?” or “So…”
Your thoughts first waking up: “Already?”
Your best physical feature: Eyes and smile.
Your bedtime: I don’t really have one…
Your most missed memory: Huh?

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: Ick. Neither.
McDonald’s or Burger King: I love them both.
Adidas or Nike: neither. CONVERSE baby!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: *shrug* I’m not a huge tea drinker.
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
Cappuccino or coffee: Neither.

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: No.
Cuss: Sometimes.
Single: No.
Have a crush: No.
Think you’ve been in love: Yes.
Believe in yourself: I’m learning to.
Get motion sickness: If I read or something for too long while in the car, yes.
Think you’re attractive: 90% of the time.
Think you’re a health freak: NO WAY.
Get along with your parents: Sure.
Like thunderstorms: I HATE THEM.

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: Yes.
Gone on a date: No.
Gone to the mall: Heck yes!
Been on stage: No.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No. Hahaha.
Eaten sushi: I WISH! Dang it, I want some sushi.
Been dumped: No.
Gone skating: No.
Gone skinny dipping: No.
Stolen anything: No.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: No.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Mmm yeah. About that…
Been called a tease: Not to my face.
Gotten beaten up: No.

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: Already am.
Number of Children: I have one and that’s quite enough, thankyouverymuch.
How do you want to die: I don’t know!
What do you want to be when you grow up: A writer.
What country would you most like to visit: UK, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, Scotland just to name a few.

LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY
Best eye color?: Blue!
Best hair color?: Dark brown.
Short or long hair: However it looks nice.
Height: Tall.
Best first date location: Somewhere involving food.
First kiss location: *shrug*

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people you could trust with your life: Very few.
Number of CDs you own: not sure. Um… LOTS!
Number of piercings: Two.
Number of tattoos: Zero.
Number of times your name has appeared in the Newspaper?: At least three.
Number of scars on your body: A few.

Weird survey.

Byeee!