I Get Lost In My World

/ reflection, ronni

I meant to go to bed about 2 hours ago. As usual, the silence of the house after everyone is asleep sucked me in. I put on my music, get caught up in some project that doesn’t mean anything to anyone but me, and time flies.

This is my element. It’s dark outside. It’s quiet. I’m the only one “alive.” I’m the only one that matters. I don’t have to answer to anyone or entertain anyone. (Although Lord knows I do love to have people over and to entertain). I live for this “me” time. This is where I thrive with my writing. Or do stuff to my website. Or compose songs. I can just be creative and free. This is where I can forget all about work. This is where all the worries melt away. This is my world. And I LOVE it here.

I’ve been a night owl for years now. I think it started during high school. My mom would let me stay up as late as I wanted on the phone with Charla, and she even let me skip school sometimes, as long as I brought home decent grades. (I did. I was on Merit Roll). I fell in *love* with the night time when I was in college, however. I’d stay up until about 4 or 5am writing, then I’d sleep until 3pm. Wake up and get ready for work–from 5pm to midnight. Then I’d start all over. This was my life and it was very good. At least that part was.

Graduating college and working “normal” hours was a very rough adjustment for me. It still is, sometimes. I’d much rather stay up all night than all day. I guess I should really get on my writing so I can do that someday. I can’t think of a better job but to be alone, writing my novels, in the middle of the night, music blasting in Chris’s my headphones (I stole them from him), making my own hours, doing my own thing. And then having people read what *I* write–my stuff, and enjoying it. Poring over it. Loving it.

I have all these dreams. Yet, I am not doing anything do fulfill them at the moment. That is BAD.

I’m so scared of rejection! Or maybe I’m scared of success! Something is holding me back from focusing on my writing, and I know it’s all me. Nothing else. I have the time. I have the ideas, the drive. I just DON’T DO IT and I NEED to get past that.

I think I need to sleep now. It’s Labor Day, which will be pleasantly busy. Jen*Jen is here, and people will be stopping over tomorrow as well. I have work again Tuesday. I get to leave my dreamworld. Again. Back to reality. 🙁

It’s amazing how quickly a 3 day weekend will go…

G’night for real. I think.

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Memories

/ meme, ronni

I am following the orders of lamplamp here:

Post a (real) memory of me.
It can be anything you want.
Then post this to your journal.
See what people remember of you.

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Saturday Was Fun

/ friends, weekend

Hola!

I had such a fun Saturday. It started off okay, with Aidan waking up in an awesome and adorable little mood. Then I played on the computer a little bit; loaded some songs into my iPod. We went to Lowe’s where Chris and I got into an argument about money, but we worked it out. After Lowe’s, we went to Target, where I got the cutest little plush Elmo chair for Aidan. I picked up some necessities, and some not so necessities for 25 cents a piece! I got 2 journals, 2 notebooks, and a jumprope. All for a quarter each. I was quite happy about that!

After Target, we went to David’s place to hang out. Lauren was there! She showed us ultrasound pictures, but baby had his/her legs crossed. No secrets revealed there. I got to meet David’s friend Jill and a couple of other people. Good times. Then we went to Chad and Christy’s. That was fun. Jen*Jen met us there, and we ate food, watched Mystery Science Theater 3000, and then Chad and Christy and Chris and I went upstairs to talk. It was really amazing. Chad and Christy are awesome friends. Very generous, a lot of fun, kind, and great to talk to. I think Jen liked them! 🙂 Then Chris went downstairs with Aidan, and Abby showed up. She came upstairs and talked, but not before Christy and I got to have some girly time together and talk to each other.

We got home about 20 minutes ago and I’m pretty tired. Church looks to be busy this Sunday. I will try to make it to Sunday school. I’ll definitely make it to the 11:15 service, and maybe lunch afterwards. Then.. Jen*Jen is spending the night! YAY!!!!! I don’t have to work Monday, and I am really looking forward to seeing lamplamp on Monday.

Going back to work Tuesday is going to be so hard. Especially since my To Do list for next week is already more than 1/2 marked off. But I have a fairly big project to do–most of it is done already, though! Hopefully the week will go by quickly. Each day brings me closer to when iVY will be here!!!

Kelly P is home. Now I can breathe more easily. 🙂

Good night, all. 🙂

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