my scramblings & ramblings
01. mom
02. wife
03. silly
04. loyal
05. procrastinator
06. daydreamer
07. yoga
08. Disney
09. cats
10. friendly
11. frivolous
12. impulsive
13. editor
14. proofreader
15. writer
16. blogger
17. photographer
18. dancer
19. sunshine
20. pink
21. American
22. learning
23. loving
24. living
25. grateful
26. dolls
27. peaches
28. spaghetti
29. curls
30. spiritual
Wow, I could have gone on and on with this one, I think. 🙂 Cool.
I feel way better today. 🙂
I’m feeling more like myself. I have more energy and I’m feeling less overwhelmed.
I decided that I needed to hear a certain Mozart song, even though I had no idea what it was called. I had the Baby Mozart CD when Aidan was a baby and I knew that the song I wanted was piano and there was a really bouncy part where I used to bounce Aidan around to. I really wanted to hear it. Well, I found a Mozart piano radio station on iTunes and darned if that song wasn’t the second one to come on. Piano Sonata in 11 in A, K 331, Mov. 3 Turkish March.
Now I know. I even went over and bounced Aidan. It was different, trying to bounce a nine year old, though…
But hearing that cheered me up quite a bit.
This morning, I headed to Moksha for a music class with Arjun Baba. I am sad I missed his kirtan last night, but I needed to be home. Probably the kirtan would have done me a world of good, though. But I got to see him today and hear him sing and HIS VOICE IS AMAZING. *He* is amazing. Usually, when Moksha gets special guests, they don’t have a lot of time to just relax and talk with us students. But he and his drummer were hanging out and chatting with us and it was so awesome. I need to get some of his music ASAP because you guys, seriously.
Video doesn’t do him justice. But video and recordings never do these things justice.
Moksha is a healthy place for me. To walk in and be embraced almost every time I go there. I went again tonight for Nina’s candlelight restorative yoga class. Which is likely my favorite class of the week to attend (followed closely by Mia’s tantric hatha class). It was just what I needed. It’s ALWAYS just what I need.
Sometimes, I feel bad because I don’t really go for the aggressive asana. If I do any level 2-3 classes, it’s likely going to be a Hatha rather than a Vinyasa. You won’t catch me in a led Ashtanga class (although I might get up the nerve to try MySore one of these days). I feel like I’ve talked about this before, but maybe only in one of my drafts that I abandoned. Still, I feel like, as a future instructor, I’m going to be crap if I can’t do a handstand or any of the advanced arm balances. I just don’t go after those inversions and advanced poses like a lot of my classmates do, and I wonder if I’m doing it wrong.
Anyway, tomorrow is the start of another week, kicking off with a tantric hatha yoga class (if I can drag my butt outta bed), a meeting, and then a trip to the post office to mail a package I should have mailed months ago. It’s been sitting here READY to go… God, I don’t even want to deal with the post office. Every time I go, the APC is broken and the line is always two hours long and there’s always only one clerk working and everyone in front of me has 95 different things to mail. I might just suck it up and pay the surcharge at the UPS store. It might be worth it to check *something* off the list of things at the back of my mind, anyway. My planner looks empty, but my brain is not. Work work work (at least it’s from home), reading, yoga teacher training, newsletters, laundry, yoga classes, life. I’m tired just thinking about it. (Kinda hungry, too.)
Well, here’s to a good week. *raises glass of spa water*
“You’ve been quiet lately. Are you OK?”
I’ve been hearing that question lately. So, I’m going to sit here and think about if I *am* OK. Sometimes I feel like I am. Other times, not so much. The “not so much” part is what scares me.
There are about five blog drafts in my WordPress database. Entries in which I started pouring my heart out, but either I end up losing steam, feeling embarrassed, or I just got bored with them. But I couldn’t bring myself to trash them, so they’re sitting there, waiting.
I don’t even know what it is, really. Well, that’s not exactly true. Part of it’s my food issues coming up again. Nutrition is really stressed for people who do yoga, and for me, eating better is a two-step-forward-ninety-step-back process. Adam is always making smoothies and munching on raw kale. Me? I sit here and I struggle with my constant cravings for things like French fries or pasta. Sometimes, I am so overwhelmed by the whole food thing that I just … don’t eat. I KNOW. It’s bad. But it’s easier.
I’ve not been practicing yoga as much as I have in the past. (Although I did do a nice, short but vigorous practice today.) What happened to this whole commitment? What about my holy grail pose? Why do I keep self-sabotaging?
I have to come up with at least $1000 more in extra fees to pay for teacher training workshops that are mandatory for certification, not to mention the money I already owe for tuition. I’m embarrassed that the back window on my car has had black tape and cardboard over it for years because jack holes kept breaking into it, but I know if I get it fixed, another jack hole will break the window again. City sticker renewal is due next week. $85 pointless dollars to a greedy city to put a pointless sticker on my car so I won’t get pointless tickets. WHATEVER. Random cravings for things like donuts and cookies and cake constantly plague me. I want a pedicure so bad but I can’t justify dropping $35+tip just to have pretty toes. I waste too much time playing FarmVille and browsing Tumblr, and I owe my teacher like, six weeks of journals. I have a bunch of plates to color in my Anatomy Coloring Book, not to mention all the reading I’m behind on. I really want to start reading Fire of Love, but I am holding back because something tells me that I’m going to love, love, love that book, and I don’t feel like I’ve earned it yet.
Quite frankly, I’m kind of disturbed by all this. This is usually how I am in the winter, not the summer! I mean… IT’S SUMMER! I love summer! The weather’s been PERFECT. Warm and/or hot, sunny, breezy. Simply lovely. My son’s here. I’ve been working steadily for the past few weeks, which means money is coming in. I have lots to be happy about. And I’m not unhappy, per se. Just… anxious? Worried? Tense? Maybe overwhelmed. *sigh* I don’t even know what I am. I just have a lot of feels OK?
I do feel like summer’s already going too fast and I’ll be in heavy sweaters and looking like a big marshmallow for eight months before long. And I hate that. I want to live for the now, and enjoy it without worrying so dang much.
Fretfully yours, ’til next time….
Lucy came to live with me in September of 2001. My friend Jennifer’s dog had found three kittens in their field, and little Lucy was among them. It was love at first sight. She was so teeny tiny and loving and sweet that I begged, absolutely BEGGED Chris for us to take her home. We already had two cats, didn’t really need another, but this little kitty clung to me and squeaked like her life depended on it.
Pictures don’t do her justice. She was a breathtakingly beautiful cat with the most adorable squeaky meow. The first night with her, I gave her a bath and then cuddled with her for hours in a little bathroom. I was determined to have a lap cat, and Lucy was more than OK with that. She purred and purred and ever since then, she’d made her home on my lap. Sometimes when it wasn’t the most convenient.
Lucy was super skittish. Most people probably really didn’t believe we had a third cat, because she was NEVER around when there was company. She’d disappear, only coming out when the company was gone and just the family was around.
She was naughty, getting into everything. Christmas was always… interesting with her around. She had a fascination with all sorts of Christmas trees.
She loved orange processed cheese products, so Doritos and Cheetos were not safe around her. She’d come and lick all the “cheese” off. Other than that, she had no interest in people food. She liked to nibble on my hair (usually when I was sleeping) and she’d fidget and fidget and fidget until I blew my breath in her face. I guess she needed to know what I’d eaten that day before she could rest easy.
Unfortunately, Little Lucy had to be put down on May 30, 2008 due to severe illness that set in very shortly after I moved to Chicago. She spent most of her time in or under the bed, too weak to even make it to her food and water most days. She never did adjust to living in Chicago and her health deteriorated quickly. I think about her every single day and miss her terribly, and I never stop wondering if there was anything I could have done to save her.
I *think* I can safely say we’re done with any type of 50F weather for several months now. [1. I really hope I’m not jinxing myself by saying that.] Even though the official first day of summer isn’t for a few days, it’s definitely been feeling like it’s here. And folks, I approve of that 100%! 🙂
So far this month, I’ve helped my friend Deborah look for wedding dresses, gotten the best massage of my life, had brunch at Honey Jam Cafe (yummy!), taken Aidan on a ghost tour, dropped way too much money at Half-Price Books (I REGRET NOTHING!) and spent time with my family.
The next week is going to be super busy, as I will be either working in an office or doing yoga teacher training stuff every day except Friday. Wednesday is going to be particularly long: early morning meeting, yoga class, apprenticeship, work, and homework review. It’s going to be a 12 hour day for real. and I haven’t had one of those in a very long time. That means I need to get lots of good sleep and eat lots of good food. The eating good food will be easy. Getting good sleep will be a challenge. My neighbors have not been very conducive to such things. If it’s not people out back having screaming fights, it’s the people next door talking loudly outside my bedroom window at 3:30 in the morning. I’ll be utilizing my iPhone sleep apps like a boss. Proofreading when you’re tired is a recipe for disaster.
I’m grateful for the chance to make some extra $$$, though. Erin Condren has the 2013 Life Planners out for pre-sale and I will definitely be needing one. [2. I guess I don’t NEED one, but I love having one and it’s been great at keeping me on track.]
It’s Father’s Day today, but Adam got *me* a present. He got me the Yoga Teacher Barbie.
I think she’s cute. 🙂
All right. I’d better get everything ready for the next week or so. ‘Til next time!!
