Thank You, Lord.

I was going to wait until the end of the year or closer to Christmas to write this out, but I feel like doing it now.

(Edited 12:02pm Sunday 12/12/2004 to add more people!)

Thank You, Lord for my little boy Aidan. His bright smile, his little laugh. The opportunity to raise him and watch him learn and grow. Thank you for allowing me to take care of Your child, for entrusting me with this precious little boy whom I love so dearly.

Thank You, Lord for the sunny days. For Little Lucy who is either in the room with me or snuggled up beside me in bed. For Fi, who is so cute with his bright green eyes, and Gracie, who purrs if you just look at her tenderly.

Thank You, Lord for Kelly P, who catches me on IM late at night and who I share some of the best conversations with. And hugs. 🙂 Thank you for Rob, whose song writing is beyond anyone I know, and who really has no idea how great he is. Thank you for the friendships developing with Emily (yoimemily), Bizzy (otaku_witch), and Becky (magecky413). Thank you for allowing these girls into my life, for giving them the peace to trust me with the deepest parts of their hearts. Thank you for Andy and all his computer geekdom and unconditional love. Thank you for Tyler and his great (smile) taste in music and for being a good conversation partner when we both relax and stop thinking so much of what to talk about. Thank you for Mr. Matt for understanding what it’s like to be sensitive.

Thank You, Lord for Tami and Kim and Tina. They all contribute so much to my life that’s special. Thank you to Charla and Kelly S (itskels). Who else can I IM with and get “drunk” at the same time? I mean, as long as we’re chatting, it’s not technically drinking alone, is it? 😉 Thank you for Garth who is so gentle and kind and who can always sense when things aren’t quite right with me. Thank you for Joshua A. His happiness and smiles are contagious!

Thank You Lord, for Chad and Christy, two people who have dropped everything more than once to come to my aid and not asked for a thing in return. Thank you for Craig, who is amazing beyond words. Thank you for Jennifer, another one who has no idea how wonderful she really is. Thank you for Jen*Jen, who knows everything about me… and likes me anyway.

Thank you for Ivy (swankivy). We’ve been friends for more than seven years; mostly through the internet, and yet I feel so close to her. She’s amazing. Thank you for Amy (hunan), Helen (pixiedash), Star (selfstyled), Ci (starrlyte), and all of my other online friends who know me and have been there for me.

Thank you for Katie (live4himalways) for being my bright, shining star, and who I need to hang out with soon.

Thank You for Chris. You know that we’re going through some stuff now. But he does try, and I often forget to thank him or appreciate him for the things he does for me and for Aidan.

Thank You for my church. Even though I am often at odds with it, and with You, for that matter, something still draws me there. You draw me there.

Lord, most of all, I thank You that You’re not me. Even as I’ve RAGED at you, and still do, you continue to bless me and love me and hold me close to You. Even as I push you away, even as I fight You, You’re still there. I ask myself how could you love someone like me, but you tell me to be still and stop worrying. Just accept Your Grace, accept Your wisdom, and then I will know peace. You are wonderful, You can do this.

Lord, thank you for the many blessings you rain down upon me and my family and my friends. Thank You for being there, for being wonderful. I know I don’t always show it or act like it, but You are always here. And I thank You for that.

I want to see Him, I want to touch Him. I want to feel His presense all around me, enveloping me, suffocating me almost. I am so thirsty for Him, I am longing so much for Him. And yet, I forget that when I get so caught up in life. In now. In things. In actuality, I just want Him.

I just want God.