Month: July 2005


Another Saturday night at home all alone. I guess I could pick up the phone to call someone–but it’s already nearing 11pm and I am paralyzed with the fear or rejection. I feel like I’ve driven people away and I’m not doing so well with that knowledge. So I busy myself with reading Half Blood Prince (I finally started it this afternoon!) and trying to be creative, somewhat.

I finally updated the layout of my True Image journal. It’d been years and years, so I was ready for a change. Of course, I used a premade layout. No inspiration for creating layouts–that muse packed up and moved out long ago. I don’t mind so much–I want to concentrate my creative efforts on my writing.

Aidan is gone for two weeks. This was by far the hardest I’d taken leaving him–he was standing there waving with a huge smile saying “BYE MOMMY! BYE DADDY!” I waved cheerfully, but burst into tears as soon as I was out of Aidan’s sight. It’s getting harder and harder to leave him. He keeps me company. The next two weeks will be difficult for me because I have a feeling I might be entering into a lonely season. :(

I wasn’t going to update tonight for fear that I’d be too melancholy. But here I am, pecking away on the keyboard because I’m scared if I don’t, my thoughts will take over and I’ll end up feeling even worse. Fixtures in my life are unravelling as I speak, and I am taking a lot harder than I ever wanted or anticipated.

So anyway. I’m going to go back to my reading and hope that my dreams aren’t too weird tonight. I’m up to page 117. Yay.


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Aidan is taking a bath. He likes to keep the water running for some reason. When I asked him if he wanted a shower instead, he said “No.”

I went to Easton today and guess what! I didn’t buy one thing! I was with megnita who set a boundary. No buying anything unless it was under $5. Wouldn’t you know, it’s the time of year when very little is on sale. I saw a couple of remotely cute things for under $5, and of course, the outfits in Forever 21 and Aeropostale were calling my name, BUT I RESISTED! My heart is on bigger and better things now (like ºOº!!) and I have to keep my focus. :D

I feel proud.

Although, I had to break my “no credit” rule. I was doing a purge of my wallet this morning, and I accidently cut up my debit card instead of the joint account debit card. Luckily I have a new one already, but it wasn’t activated yet. I’d forgotten about this til I went to pay for my and Aidan’s dinner. Out came the Target Visa for that and for gas–but I’m paying those parts off right away so it’s just like I paid cash for it anyway. YAY. Thank goodness for online billpay.

Aidan was good for the most part while I was out, but there were parts when he was a right brat. ARGH. Then, as we were leaving, he got his hand caught in the elevator and screamed. Poor baby. Everyone around us was freaking out. He calmed down after about eight minutes, though and was wanting to push buttons and play. He’s totally back to normal now. There was some minor swelling in his hand, but it’s gone now and he’s drawing so I think he’s gonna be okay. :)

He surprised me by eating one of those Cinnabon sticks. The boy normally won’t touch anything “breadlike” (in front of me, anyway), but he ate one and a half of those! They were yummy, so I can see why.

Dinner was yummy. Max & Erma’s. Mmmm. Megan and I shared that fruit and whipped cream thingy. Truthfully, $4.29 or whatever is a little much for such a simple dessert, but it was good just the same.

And last but CERTAINLY not least, I got a package from dwagonfry today!!!! ºOº It’s awesome! I love it all, Rosa!!!!!! :D:D:D I’ll definitely hug Aidan for you.

Um, I gotta go. Aidan’s disappeared and I thought I heard the sound of things ripping. Later!

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I think I just stumbled across the spoiler of the year.


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Harry Potter & sleepytime now…

…..& seriously, I REALLY need to let go of some things/people/situations in my life. They’re eating away at me and it’s not good on many levels.


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Email exchange between Kelle Belle (itskels) and me (older at the bottom):

07/20/2005 03:04 PM

From: Kelle Belle
To: ME

Subject: RE: link

This would mean you are a freak.

ROTSL=Rolling on the smurf laughing!

Maybe you meant SOTFL=Smurfing on the floor laughing.


ROTFS=Rolling on the floor smurfing.

From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, July 20, 2005 3:00 PM
To: Kelle Belle
Subject: RE: link


(smurf instead of floor)


They’re coming out with a Smurfs movie in 2008. [LINK] Craziness!@!@!@! Anyway, that’s what brought on the emails.

I heart Kelle Belle.

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