Month: July 2005

I Think God is Trying to Reclaim Me…

Too many instances of Him calling me seem to be taking place. He knows everything in my heart, and He knows how much I need him. I know how much I need Him.

He’s revealing himself to me slowly but surely. Or maybe He’s being extreme about it, but I refuse to see.

He wants his daughter back. I know it. I FEEL it.

All I have to do is accept it. Accept it and be at peace that He is in control and that I can stop worrying about anything and everything. Especially those things.

So what’s holding me back?



Unwillingness to reliquish control.

I decided to do the most tedious of tasks–going through all of my LJ entries and tagging the ones that I felt needed to be tagged. It’s taking a long time, but I’m reading through some of the entries. I seemed so much happier then, so much more blessed. Or more accurately, more appreciative and aware of my blessings. What I wouldn’t give to feel that carefree and happy and full of hope and life and God’s love again. What I wouldn’t give for it to be even more pure, even more laden with good things for Him and from Him.

This phase of depression has already gotten old. I’m tired of the grey haze that seems to cover every aspect of my life, especially the good ones. The same grey haze that turns the bad things extra dark, yet, extra bright, so they’re magnified.

I feel like I am in the middle of a Spiritual Battle. God and Satan are battling it out for my soul. I am torn in the middle, not sure of where to go or who to run to. So I try to rely on myself. HA HAHA. What a mess I’ve made of that!

I need to rely on God. I wish I remembered how. :(

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The fireworks crazy neighbor strikes again!

Why this makes me happy:
I get to see awesome, amazing fireworks without the crowd or traffic. Better yet, without even leaving my front porch!

Why it’s crazy:
OMG those things are frikkin huge. I mean, holy wow. I did worry about some of our roofs…

The weird feeling I got from it:
I wished Chris had gone and bought some shells of his own. Or at least some Roman Candles. Those things are sweet. But he was off watching some other fireworks.

So it was pretty loud in our neighborhood for a while there. Neighbor next door with his huge beautiful fireworks (sky flowers per Land of the Dead), every one else setting off who knows what, and the Reynoldsburg fireworks not too far from us. It was nuts. But neat. And it felt nice outside, so that was cool too.

Off to read Harry Potter now. I am going through the series to be ready for Half Blood Prince. :)

Good night.

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