reflection

I’m Sitting Here…

On my lunch break, going through my RSS feeds. One of them is from Meg Cabot’s blog. She posted an account of what she went through six years ago today.

When I got up this morning, the date didn’t register. Not until the DJs on the radio talked about the new Osama Bin Ladin tape—the one where he added himself to the 9/11 videos. Not until I was driving into work and noted the grey skies and the rain. Six years ago, the weather was clear, partly sunny, and slightly breezy. One of those perfect autumn days. My favorite kind of day. I’d been on my way to an offsite meeting. A plane took off over me as the car barrelled down I-670, and I remember thinking “I wish I was flying somewhere today.”

Reading Meg’s entry today brought back that bone-chilling terror I felt when I realized what was going on. When I got to the park where the meeting was going to be held, the administrative assistants weren’t busy bustling around and setting up. They were gathered around the TV, watching the extraordinary events unfold.

Shock. Terror. Fear. Then, tears. Lots and lots of tears.

So I’m sitting here, and I’m crying, because I remember the terror of living that day.

I remember calling everyone I could to make sure they were all right… because after all, who know what else was going to be attacked?

All I’d wanted to do was go home. I was glad when someone offered me a ride, because the person I’d have carpooled with was somehow determined to stay and work. I was determined to go somewhere familiar.

I remember the eerie silence, then the boom of a single plane as it flew over Westerville, Ohio. I remember that terror hitting again full force at the sound of this lone plane–what if they were coming for me? But then I realized that only one plane wasn’t grounded. Air Force One.

I’m crying because I know there are people in the world who live like this EVERY SINGLE DAY—it is their way of life, and it’s much, much worse that what I went through. Because it does not end for them. Who knows if it will end for them?

I’m sad that people can drive themselves to hate so much that they think that kind of violence is okay. Anywhere.

Every day, I live my life on this tiny little RonniLevel, because eventually, life did get back to normal in a way for me. I worked, paid the bills. Had a baby. Got divorced. I still work, pay the bills. A year ago today, I started working at Zaner-Bloser. I get frustrated at the slow drivers. I take pictures of foolishness at Dragon*Con. I send emails to Adam all day. That’s my life. It’s so easy to forget about major things such as 9/11, the tsunami, Hurricane Katrina in the hustle and bustle of living, of planning, of working for the future. Or just trying to survive the day.

I almost forgot. I should never forget.

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Reflection

Despite all the stuff going on in July, this month’s creeped by. I think it has to do with the fact that Adam is coming to visit in two weeks, and that just seems like an eternity away. July just seems to have an extra week more than other months. *sigh*

Well, someday, I’ll be living in Chicago, so I won’t feel like I’m constantly WAITING for something boring or obligatory to be over so I can get to the fun stuff—the stuff that never lasts long enough. I’m not going to lie. Waiting 6–8 weeks to see someone for 3 days sucks, and it’s very frustrating. Waiting for the weekends, those days that speed by in the blink of an eye. Or waiting two weeks for payday when I don’t really get to enjoy the money as it all goes to bills and rent and gas and food. Yes, I spend a lot of time feeling frustrated.

But oh well. That’s life for now. Always waiting, never satisfied.

Even though I try. I try to latch on to the little things that come up here and there so I won’t feel like I’m waiting for stuff that’s so far off it’s still pretty much a pipe dream. But even still, looking forward to those little things means MORE waiting.

I’m tired of waiting. I want to LIVE.

Finished the new Harry Potter book. All I’m going to say is that I’m happy with how things turned out.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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Reflection

The last day of June 2007 is coming to a close. Time is so weird. On a micro scale (i.e. the workday) it seems to creep by. On a macro scale, it’s flying. I mean, 2007 is half over already. Crazy.

Only one year and two weeks ’til I move to Chicago.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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Teachers

Meg Cabot’s entry about her teacher nearly made me cry:

Constance Holland, A Great Teacher

Funny that I think about Meg a LOT when I start to feel beaten down. Her books were rejected LOTS and LOTS of times before she finally got in, and now she’s a best-seller. I wish I could focus harder on people like her instead of wallowing when I get knocked down (again and again and again).

I can’t believe some of you still bother to read my LJ, with all the histrionics and dramatics I put on here.

Anyway, my teacher was Miss Ruth Wheeler. She was my 12th grade AP English teacher. I’d gone to an inner-city high school, and I was an honor’s student. Not a good combination, as the “regular” students hated us. Some of the teachers did too. In one class, we were purposely given grades lower than the non-honors students because we were too “full of ourselves.” Everyone felt that honors students cheated. It was hard for an honors student to be taken seriously because the others didn’t want “us” running the school. We’ve had teachers tell us that we’d never make it through college (Uh, BA in Psychology from Ohio State right here), that we’d be living in the same lower middle class neighborhoods and life styles that we grew up with (granted, I am living paycheck to paycheck now, but I don’t live in fear of gunshots outside of my window anymore), and pretty much said we’d never amount to anything.

We were a classroom of brilliant kids, but some of us (like me) were beaten down by all the negativity. Miss Wheeler would get so mad, practically yelling at us that those other people were wrong. We were going to make something of ourselves. We were going to be special.

She signed my yearbook with: You, more than anyone else in the class, have the potential to become famous. As an author, I hope.

Boy, I hope so too.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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Home Is Where the Heart Is

Well, my “home” is Columbus, but you all know where my heart really is.

After some about an hour-long delay at Midway Airport, Southwest Airlines Flight 2220 departed at about 10:30pm CST, 55 minutes behind schedule. What is it with me NEVER getting back to Columbus on time? Hmmm. Maybe Chicago loves me so much that it doesn’t want to let me go. 😉

Someday it won’t have to.

I’m tired, but just wanted to let those of you who were wondering if I made it home okay…yes, I’m home. I’m going to bed. I’m TIRED.

But it was so worth it. Details and pictures soon. ♥

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