I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell….
I know it’s only the end of February, and December wasn’t even all that bad and neither was January for that matter, but I’m ready for winter to be over. I feel like there is so much I want to do, but winter just drags on and traps me inside.
I know, intellectually, that this is not true. Adam will take me just about anywhere I want to go. He’ll even give me door-to-door service whenever possible. (My car is currently out of commission again, having a flat tire and probably another dead battery thanks to Arctic temperatures-it is currently 3F, windchill is -13F). But I miss feeling free to go anywhere without feeling miserable and like the wind is stabbing my face, or like I’m going to slip, fall, and bust my butt on the slick snowdrifts. Don’t get me started on the frozen dog turds everywhere. Gross.
when i had to wait for a bus in really cold weather
because it was too cold to dig the car out! ugh!
I just want it to warm up so I don’t feel a bite in the air anymore. I miss mild temperatures, the breeze feeling like a warm caress on my skin. Now it feels like an all-out attack and I just want to yell “Hey, what did I ever do to deserve that? Huh?”
It would be so easy if I could be like the other people who live here. They are all resigned to it. Some people (like my HUSBAND) actually love it. To the point where they wear jackets in 15F weather that aren’t even zipped. They just go about their day, not making ugly faces like I do, and digging out their cars and putting the dibs down, and waiting at cold bus stops and train stops and living their lives and not letting it cripple them like I let it cripple me. Doesn’t the wind feel like knives all over their bodies like it does mine? Even when I wear three layers, a fleece, and my HUGE North Face coat, I can feel the wind cutting through.
This winter has been mostly me working (from home, thankfully), popping in the Kid’s Room at Dailey Method every two weeks, racking up the credits like whoa so that once it warms up, I can be there like all the time whipping this tired old body into shape. I’ve been reading a lot–already on book 19 out of the 55 that I’ve set to tackle this year. And I’m afraid I’ve been bingeing on Netflix. First, it was continuing with Gilmore Girls. Then I discovered the Dance Moms collection (which I finished a few nights ago). I’ve also been watching Dance Academy, a show that is set in Australia. It’s three LONG seasons, and I’m about 1/3 of the way through Season 2. I like it.
I’ve also been dealing with one weird body thing or another. Shoulder pain on my right shoulder, most likely due to overuse on the computer. Random back aches and stomach pains. I feel all knotted up and wrong, which is why I feel I need to get back to working out ASAP. The cold makes me draw into myself. I get tense from trying to keep warm, even when I am buried under blankets and have a space heater blowing on me, and it hurts.
At the end of January, Adam’s grandfather passed away, so we went to Iowa for the memorial service. I was happy to spend time with Lola. I love her like my own daughter and we had a lot of fun together.
not everyone gets the privilege of holding Pandernoodle
Aidan popped by for a visit over President’s Day weekend. That was a lot of fun! He’s so cool, you guys. He got all As and one B on his report card. Honor Roll again! He is whip smart and I love having conversations with him. We talked about our Mom-Son trip this summer. I’m excited to spend that time with him.
And here is a random thing.
I realized something about myself. I’ve actually known this for a while but now I’m acknowledging it. I HATE WAITING. I hate waiting for summer, just for it to blow by in a haze. Seriously, it goes SO FAST, and it stays cold so long here. I hate waiting for traffic lights (OH I hate waiting for traffic lights). I hate waiting for people to move out of my way so I can have my turn. I hate waiting in line, especially if the person in front of me is taking 90 thousand years to do something. I hate feeling like I’m on the precipice of something cool, but I have to wait and wait and wait. And I really hate having to stop doing something fun so I can go wait to do something I hate or that I find annoying. I’ve always been impatient, but now it’s at an all-time high.
I really, really, really hate going to the bathroom. And lately, I’ve been going every two hours. On the dot. All day every day. It’s annoying. I don’t think I’ve had a full night’s sleep since I was a baby. My bladder wakes me up every two hours these day.
I’m probably getting old and cranky inside. At least I still look young on the outside. Right?
But I’m ready for spring to be here. REAL spring, not the 40-50F raining spring we usually get. I want to take more barre classes. I want to get back into my yoga practice. I want to take a couple of dance classes at Joffrey. I want to walk around the neighborhood without having to put on 345498554573895895893 layers. But I feel like, there’s just going to be so much waiting before I will feel like that. And then when the weather DOES warm up, will I waste it like I did last year?
I want to do big things. I retweet all of these photos of beautiful places I’d love to see someday. Places in Norway and France. I’ve decided I’d like to do a trek to Everest Basecamp, except I’d probably be cold and pissed off by the end so maybe not. I want to go to a beach and let the hot sun bake my skin and dip my feet in blue-green water. I want sunshine and blue skies. Not this…whatever the hell color the sky is in Chicago most of the year. I want green grass or sand, not piles of dirty, poop, slippery nasty snow. I want flowers and tank tops and pink toenails and Sanuk flip flops and ocean waves and hugs from Mickey Mouse and popsicles and Aidan’s laughter in the background and amazing sunsets and sand in my toes.
But it’s not time for that. I have to WAIT for it. *grumble*
I know. I do have a lot to be thankful for. I mean, one good thing about cold weather like this is that the partying neighbors are stuck inside instead of outside making noise all night. I will just be MORE thankful when it’s warm outside and there are flowers everywhere. Real ones, not planted ones. Just sayin’.
Blah. This was a dumb entry. Oh well. Maybe now that all that is out, I can start ardently focusing on good things, and looking forward to things without resenting the wait for them. We’ll see.
Till next time….