real talk.

IMG_2499

Look. I try to be positive and upbeat despite… well, you know. Everything, really. The country is a trash fire, I’m scared all the time someone’s going to whip out a gun and shoot us all up (this is probably why I rarely leave the house anymore), I hate the cold, and I’m weary in my bones.

BUT

I try to live in this perpetual attitude of gratitude, because there is a lot to be thankful for. Black Panther is mind blowing. I still love my mini office. I get to drink tea every day. Electric blankets and “My Heat” space heaters are amazing. I have incredible, patient, lovely best friends. My agent is awesome. People make outstanding custom content for The Sims.

Maybe I’m grasping at straws right now. Sometimes I get desperate like that.

The fact is, so far, 2018 has been…not great. These are the main reasons why.

• My sweet, sweet kitty Fi passed away
• I lost my driver’s license. It was a pain to go through the hoops to get a duplicate. In Illinois, you don’t get your license the same day anymore. You get a temp, and they mail the real to you at some point. The post office RETURNED my license instead of delivering it to me. So I get to go through all those hoops again, and hope they don’t return it this time.

The Chicago USPS is awful.

• Depression/anxiety are trying their best to get me, and some most days it’s easier to let them win.
• I’ve already been sick twice, and anxiety makes me feel nauseated almost all day every day anymore.
• I’m not sleeping well due to various factors, such as the aforementioned depression/anxiety, noise, and stress.
• I’m not eating very well, because my appetite has been weird since I’ve been sick. Also, see anxiety/depression.
• My health insurance premium went up. Along with that, I have new copays and other copays that are more expensive.
• My expenses keep going up. Which sucks because…
• I get to go job hunting sometime in the spring.
• The universe decided it would be a really fun time to have a recruiter try to recruit me for the job I’m losing in April. Because I love it being rubbed in my face that I might be stressed out and worried about money in several months time because of weird rules and things I don’t understand. I’m so scared it’s going to be 2006–2007 all over again and I’m freaking out about it.

That’s just some of them. I didn’t even touch the biggest things.

I mean, I get it. I know my problems aren’t super huge. There is a lot worse happening in the world all the time. And the guilt of my frustration and sadness compounds the anxiety and depression…no wonder I can barely eat. Or sleep.

I’m looking at the first two months of 2018 like:

I was so excited to start the year. Now I’m scared of what’s waiting for me.

I’m really praying things get better.

mornings feel weird.

Grounds at Cawdor Castle

I tend to have a really hard time falling asleep at night. Unless I’m completely exhausted–mentally and physically–or unless I’ve had a sleep aid. I toss and turn, my mind runs a million ways, and my bladder wakes up big time. (My bladder is already active as it is, but at night she’s often out of control.)

Screen Shot 2016-07-13 at 10.37.45 AM

I don’t get up for work until about 845am. (I start at 9 and I work from home, so I can get away with such things.) Most mornings I wake up before my alarm, but this morning, the alarm woke me up. I thought, since I’d gotten so much sleep the night before, I’d be ready to take on the day. But no. Not really.

Mornings almost always feel weird and hard for me. Even if I sleep for 9–10 hours, my body feels heavy and my brain feels super foggy. I drag myself out of bed and pull on pants and a tank top because I feel like I have to (there’s something icky about working in pajamas to me, unless it’s my writing). I brush my teeth, and trudge into the living room to log into work, and the whole time I feel like I’m moving through a thick, grey cloud. Sometimes I have to spend some time cleaning up after the cats, and that just adds to the sense of “wtf.”

I started taking this Endorphinate AR. It’s supposed to promote calm, well-being, mental clarity, and give me energy. I can always tell when it starts to kick in, because that heaviness begins to lighten, I feel more focused, and I am ready to start work. And usually it’s great! But some mornings, like today, that and my anti-depressant kicked in at the same time, and now I feel REALLY out of sorts. The rush from the medications has knocked me off balance, so I *still* can’t focus. Which is why I have about 100+ pages to read and I’m writing this entry instead (although to be fair, it *is* lunchtime!). It’s going to be another long work day. Once the 9–5 job is over, I have hours of freelance work to do. Plus some revisions I want to toss into my book—but that will likely move to the back burner for now because I have to put the paying work before the dreaming (praying that this will someday very soon be paying) work, you know? And the next few days are booked solid with paying work.

Plus I have chores to do.

And it’s Adam’s birthday. I want to help him celebrate it.

I’m not ungrateful for these things. Just a bit tired. I’m going to Disney World next month and I worry this fatigue will carry over to my trip. That won’t be good. I have to make sure I eat well while I’m there.

So maybe it’s just that I have a lot on my mind. In general, I don’t get enough rest. I lay awake at night, my mind racing with all the stuff I want to accomplish. And I feel ready to do them *then* but I have to work my 9–5 job, so I make myself go to bed. Eventually I fall asleep, with this mindset that I’ll get a lot of rest and be ready to tackle everything the next day. Work. Freelance. Writing. Family. It takes a while for me to fall asleep unless I am totally done. (Sometimes that’s as late at 4am. Last week I was up until 6am two nights in a row, and then worked a full day both days, plus freelance.)

Then the morning comes. I log into work. I stare blankly at the screen. I copy edit, but read the same words over and over because I don’t trust that I’m seeing properly through my grey, foggy mind. And that to-do list I made the night before? It looks big and daunting and like, there’s no way.

Then oh say, 815pm comes, and my brain and body are like YAASSS LET’S BUST OUT ALL THE THINGS! And then the next thing I know, it’s 1am, my brain is still on high speed mode, so I make my to-do list and try to sleep so I can do all that stuff the next day instead. Since I have to get up early and all. (And I know 845am is not even that early but trust me, it always feels early to this night owl.)

I wake up like, “God granted me another day, with a job and my health. I should be grateful. I am grateful. But I also feel like so much crap. How am I going to make it through?”

(Let the record show that when I wake up on my own though, say around 1030 or 11 or so, mornings are a LOT nicer and I feel way less crappy. Just sayin’.)

I go through this almost every day. And I wonder how people can bounce out of bed on regular non-Disney World days like YAY GOOD MORNING WOO LET’S DO THIS. I wake up wanting to roll over and hop right back on that train to dreamland, since I *finally* made it there and all.

Anyway. Back to work. Till next time….

Cranky Lady/Adventures in Shopping

Grarrrrr!

Once upon a time, I loved, absolutely loved going to a store, any story (except maybe grocery) and shopping. I loved browsing the aisles, picking out new things, taking that bag after the transaction was completed. YAY shiny new things for me! Or for Aidan! Going to the mall was an OCCASION. All those shiny stores full of shiny new things under one shiny roof! Someone hold me!

It’s not so much fun anymore. My patience has run the eff out.

I went to the mall to do some shopping for fun, and also get some errands taken care of at the attached Target. (Yes, this mall has a Target as an anchor store, which is kind of brilliant if you ask me. The other anchor is Kohl’s.) I don’t know WHY I thought going to the mall on a Sunday evening would be a good idea. It wasn’t. People were walking like turtles (and spread out, of course), and by the time I’d finally get around them, wild children would be all over the place, and I’d be scared of tripping over one or more of them. Entire huge families would bunch up and block entryways and aisles. And for some inexplicable reason, every few yards there were trash receptacles IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLES. Not off to the sides, but right in the middle. For people to trip over. REAL SMART. Not. I’d started off excited and looking forward to finding some treasures, but after a few stores, my patience was gone. I had to get OUT of the mall and into the Target, where things were just a little bit better (except in the toy aisle. Aye Dios Mio.).

People, do you think it’s too much to ask that parents keep their children in check in stores? I spend more time dodging random unwatched kids who are running and screaming and laughing than I do waiting to check out! This is not just in the toy aisle, by the way. Seems like no matter where I go, there are rogue children running all over the place.

WHY? I was never allowed to go running all wild and crazy through a store when I was a kid. In fact, the first time my parents let me and my sister go to the toy aisle without them was a BIG FREAKING DEAL and we knew we’d better not screw it up or we’d never be allowed to do it again!

I know this is me, but when I am browsing, I like to be alone. I don’t want to share that space with anyone else. So how come, every single time I find a deserted aisle and start to browse, some random kids come bouncing right over to where I am, followed by a mom who looks like she’s going to run me the hell over if I don’t move RIGHT NOW, and they seem to have an urgent need for the exact thing I was looking at/researching/browsing? GO AWAY I yell in my mind. I was looking at these spaghetti noodles FIRST! Of course I don’t say that, and I move aside to make room and I’m polite and everything. But inside, I am irritated and frustrated and impatient.

I’m honestly thisclose to just… buying everything online from now on. Ordering my groceries from PeaPod or something like that. Adam typically goes to the store for groceries, but he only goes to Aldi, and there are certain things that I only like the name brand of. But going to the store, dealing with other people? It stresses me out anymore. I don’t even care to clothes shop anymore. I walk into a store, see all the choices on the racks, and I get overwhelmed. That happened to me tonight in Forever 21. And Aeropostale. (I’m pretty sure I’ve outgrown Aeropostale anyway.) I pretty much turned around and left. (I DON’T freak out in Old Navy, funnily enough, but that’s because their merchandise is laid out in a way that MAKES SENSE.)

So there you have it. I don’t enjoy shopping anymore. :( Well, that’s not necessarily true. I still enjoy the act of acquiring new things, but I don’t like going to a brick and mortar store (unless it’s a book store or Old Navy) and dealing with other customers and their wild, screaming children. I don’t know if people are just more irritating in general, or if I’m just more crabby about it. At any rate, I’d much rather do it online. Or better yet, indie. Sometimes the shipping costs are worth my sanity. Plus I love to get packages in the mail.

No Bueno

I’m not doing so well today. I am worn down, exhausted, and have zero motivation to do a dang thing. Mercury is in retrograde and OH WOW is it showing.

1. Web browsers are acting weird. Google Chrome is acting weird with my WordPress dashboard, so I have to use Firefox to add posts. I also need Firefox to work on the newsletter for Moksha because Namaste Light does not play nicely with Chrome these days. However, Firefox is SLOW once it gets going and it really lags on my system. Plus, it doesn’t always play nice with LiveJournal. So now I get to bounce back and forth until one of them gets their act together.

2. Monthly newsletter went out and there were some hiccups AGAIN. I asked them if they wanted me to step down and she said no, that I’m doing a great job, and it was just one of those things. I’m doing a good enough job on everything else that they’re still going to trust me with January 2012. So, I will DO DAMN BETTER. I promise.

3. I ran MacKeeper to get rid of duplicate files, but it decided that many different original files were the same, so it tried to delete all those as well. I caught them, but now it’s a disorganized mess. Fortunately, I have backups of most of the organized folders, so I can just overwrite the messed up ones.

4. My iPod crashed. It crashed and deleted all of my music and playlists. I manually sync because I don’t have the same things on my iPod that I do on my computer. Saturday evening, a Tori Amos song kept erring out, and I think that’s what did it. iPod corrupted. Hours of hard work, selecting and sequencing those playlists by hand… gone. *sigh* The Christmas 2011 mix was the best mix I’d ever made, too. And the yoga practice mix? That was freaking hard to put together and now I have to do it again. But first, I have to get the thing to mount. And also to stop crashing and locking the library. Time to restore all systems, I suppose.

5. Computer battery needs to be serviced. Which likely means replaced. Which means bye bye $130.

On top of Mercury’s retrograde screwing with all my technology (and giving me an inexplicable urge to buy an iPad when I don’t need one at all), I’ve just been feeling like a poop log lately. Worn down, nauseated, and just generally tired. And my ear is hurting again. I have so much I need to do and no motivation to do it. This weekend, I was hit with a double whammy headache, one of them being a migraine that was extremely painful. Little appetite, just not feeling myself. I don’t like it. Oh, and the tip of my tongue has been burning the past few days. Feels like I burnt it with food or bit it a million times, but instead of getting better and going away, it’s getting worse.

I NEED TO GET BETTER!

Just to give you an idea of how worn out I’ve been:

1. I turned down a trip to Target. Adam knows that if I say “no” to a Target run then something’s seriously wrong.

2. I haven’t watched one Christmas program/DVD/movie. Not even A CHRISTMAS STORY. I adore A CHRISTMAS STORY. What is happening?

3. The apartment’s not completely decorated for Christmas. Honestly, Adam and I put the tree up Friday, I decorated it, then I was done. I haven’t made any effort to do anything else since. THIS IS NOT LIKE ME.

To add insult to injury? My new(ish) awesome glasses? They have a chip in the lens. I dropped a plate the other day and thought it had avoided the glasses, but I guess not. So it’s back to the ugly cheap frames for me until I can get them repaired or either get a new pair. I mean, I can *somewhat* ignore the chip, but I don’t know if other people can. Suck.

I have so much to do (in no particular order, it just all needs to be done on or before December 15):

01. Christmas newsletter
02. Christmas cards
03. reestablish iPod
04. finish decorating apartment
05. major litter box cleaning
06. organize closet and clothing
07. wrap presents
08. clean living room (this may as well be a permanent on the list)
09. plan Christmas menu
10. make Christmas food shopping list
11. return library books
12. finish Christmas shopping
13. buy cat food
14. laundry
15. two newsletters for Moksha
16. use Body Shop Groupon
17. send packages

Yea, whatever is bugging me needs to GET TO STEPPIN’. I ain’t got time for this mess.

As much as I love iProcrastinate, I didn’t like that it didn’t give me reminders of when things were due. So I decided to use Producteev. It has a reminder function. Except… it doesn’t seem to be working. I should add that to the list of things screwed up by Mercury’s retrograde. *sigh* Or maybe the software just sucks.

So now I’m on the hunt for another To Do program. I might have to break down and PAY FOR ONE. *gulp* I mean, what’s the point of having a productivity program if all it does it make me panic because it doesn’t tell me when stuff’s coming up, just when it’s due RIGHT NOW?

In spite of all this bleh, I had a good time Saturday night. I hung out with a bunch of former coworkers from Schawk. It was so good to see them all again. One can be glad to escape the craziness of the workplace, but the people will always tug at me.

Silent Night...Not So Much
Brad, JT, Hayley, me, Tyrone, Duane

I’m a homebody. I don’t go out a lot. It’s nice to get out sometimes, though. Although I think Saturday night might have done me in. Maybe I’m still recovering from that.

Also, did I mention that my birthday is in 14 days? No? Well, now you know.

Anyway, I’m off for now. Time for more resting so I can get better once and for all. I WILL get better. Hear that, Universe? I WILL get better within the next 12 hours.

Please send me lots of good vibes for many various things, OK? :)

Till next time….

I Might Be Certifiable (OMG)

See that title? ^^ You might agree if you read this entry. I’m just sayin’.

I am 100% back to being a night owl. I stay up until 4 or 5am, I roll out of bed at about 11:30am, and then I fall asleep on the couch about 3pm, and again at about 8pm. Then I’m up all night. Party! Woo!

The good thing about it is that I don’t have anywhere to go during the day mostly, and if I DO have something to do, I am functional enough to get it taken care of. For example, Tuesday, I got up and cleaned like I was crazy! I took down and put away all the Christmas stuff, cleaned the kitchen, living room, my side of the bedroom, the litter boxes, and Aidan’s room, and finished it off with that nice, hot bath. I even used my Cinders bath bomb–and that was a limited edition one. I hardly EVER use my LE bath bombs because well, they’re LE. I can’t get them again.

The good thing is that after you do a super cleaning like that, you get a grace period where there’s nothing to do until things get messed up again. There are always dishes to do, though, and GOD knows that trash can is the bane of my existence. Good Lord that thing stinks to high heaven every other freaking day and it’s driving me up a wall. Has to drive Adam crazy too, having to take the trash out all the time. I try not to put things in it that will seriously perish in a matter of hours (like old meat or leftovers) but something must have escaped my notice (i.e. Adam put it in there) and it turned this evening, because I have a SUPER sensitive sniffer and bad smells just get stuck and nothing I do can make them go away or mask them. They just seem to linger and linger while my Nag Champa burns away in vain. *sigh*

Saturday aka today is … wait for it… GROCERY SHOPPING DAY. To prepare, I did something I have not done in a long time. I CLIPPED COUPONS. Because see, lately, I’ve been getting these recipes off of Pillsbury.com, and a lot of them use the Crescent rolls. Adam says the rolls are expensive, so I decided to go online and see if they had coupons. AND THEY DO! So I’m going to stock up on them and do a happy dance because there are so many neat things I can make with them. For New Year’s Eve, I made these ham and cheddar crescents, and cheese ‘n pepperoni crescents. I made the cheese ‘n pepperoni ones again a few nights ago. They’re easy and tasty and leftovers can go in the fridge and be reheated in 30 seconds in the microwave. I want to make a bunch and have them ready to go as snacks. I mean, they are the PERFECT snack or appetizer, and for night owl me, who doesn’t want to eat a huge meal at 3:30am, one of those things is just right.

Anyway, I clipped lots of other coupons too, not just Pillsbury ones. Funny thing is that I don’t eat a whole lot these days. Only when I am working in an office do I eat a lot more than I should, and I do eat normally when I am out and about. Here at home, it’s easier to get caught up in whatever I’m doing (usually reading or puttering around on the computer) and not eat until my stomach threatens to kick my butt from here to New York if I don’t fill it with something other than water or lemonade. I get THIRSTY, but not so much hungry. I’m not a good “family” shopper. I lived alone for a while, then Chris did most of the shopping, then I lived alone again, then Adam did/does most of the shopping. He knows how to go and buy things like meat and other items to successfully put together meals, and he does it without too much thought. Me? I have to pore over sales papers and make lists and more lists and clip coupons and study recipes and do it all over again. And I STILL tend to go for the more easy and quick stuff, hence my new obsession with those rolls and everything that can be done with them.

I also ordered a 6-unit case of Apples and Cinnamon Cream of Wheat. See, for years, one could go to a grocery store and buy entire boxes of all sorts of flavors of Cream of Wheat. There was Apples and Cinnamon, Brown Sugar Cinnamon, Strawberries and Cream, and Maple Brown Sugar. And of course, the different varieties of Original. My mother said that when I was little I loved Maple Brown Sugar, but as I got older, I started to love Apples and Cinnamon the best. And I ate it for years and years and years and years and years. My favorite breakfast was Cream of Wheat and bacon. Apples and Cinnamon, but I also like the way my grandmother, Madia, made the Original for me. Then, my favorite flavor started disappearing off the shelves. Well, not really disappearing. It started hiding in the Variety Pack boxes, as did the Strawberries and Cream. So, I switched to Brown Sugar Cinnamon and added applesauce to it. Got the same flavor with no lumpy apples, and then THAT one disappeared into the Variety Pack as well. By this time, I was learning a couple of things:

1. Anything I liked, I mean really liked, was suddenly going to likely be off the shelves in a matter of months if not weeks.
2. If something disappears into a variety pack, be prepared kiss it good-bye before long.

This has happened with SO MANY of my favorite foods. A LONG LONG time ago, Doritos once made Sour Cream and Onion Flavor. My cousins and I ate that stuff like we were crazy. Then suddenly, they were no more. Other flavors came and went, but nothing was like those our Cream and Onion Doritos. But we got over it, my cousins and I. And we moved on. To Nacho Cheese. And we’ve been happy with Nacho Cheese ever since. Actually, I am speaking for myself here. They probably are not as particular as I am about Dorito flavor. Anway, the nacho cheese had BETTER NEVER go away or there will be one pissed off little Ronica here in Chicago.

Rice Krispies made Double Chocolately Chunk Treats for years. Then they disappeared into a variety pack. Now you can’t even find them in those, or if you can, it’s very few and far between. I’ve found a few little stores around Chicago in office buildings that will sell an individual one, and I usually make the mistake of buying the whole display and then the jerks raise their prices because they know they have a fanatic on their hands, but as far as getting a multi-pack box from Target or something like that? Nope. I even wrote and asked them about it. And finding the individual bars is like finding a needle in a haystack. Then, out of nowhere came these Rice Krispies Stix. They were like the treats you could break them apart like a Kit-Kat bar. I liked those even better than the treats, but those were gone within WEEKS of being debuted. Those didn’t even make it into a variety pack. They were just … GONE.

When I was in 6th grade, Quaker made Granola Dipps. I loved them. Naturally, they disappeared. Then they came back for a while, then disappeared into the black hole that is Walmart. I spotted them at Strack and Vantil last year, and then they disappeared. Adam found them at Dominick’s, I found them at Jewel, and I think they might be at a Target here and there these days. Every time they go on sale, Adam and I buy about 15 boxes to stock up. They are hard to find and probably going to go away again. They are also very expensive when they are not on sale. That’s the other reason we stock up. Not only do I tend to like foods that disappear, I tend to like foods that are expensive.

In high school, Carnation made these really yummy breakfast bars. You could get them next to the Instant Breakfast drinks. They were so good. I loved them. I’d started eating them during my senior year of high school, and the song Freak Me by Silk was popular. I had the single and the single had a certain mix on it. To this day, if I hear that mix of that song, I crave those stupid breakfast bars. Carnation changed the formula on them and make them gross, then discontinued them. A few years ago, Skippy made these yummy peanut butter bars covered in chocolate. One was peanut butter and marshmallow. Yum. It was a crazy flavor that was soon addictive. Yeah, that was gone within three months.

These things are not discontinued but you can’t get them in Chicago: Cherry pies at McDonald’s (they are SO superior to the apple ones) and BBQ Fritos. What the green hell? No BBQ Fritos? Oh sure, they have Chili Cheese ones (blech) and those honey BBQ Twists (not the same) but no plain old BBQ Fritos? *shaking my head* Messed up. And Twinings JUST discontinued the Tastes of Summer tea, which I LOVE. I have only ONE pack left. I’d been blowing through them, not realizing how precious and limited my supply was. Are my tastes THAT obscure that everything I fall for must disappear?

ANYWAY, back on topic. Now, if I go to to the grocery store, the only Cream of Wheat I can get all in one flavor is Maple Brown Sugar, my original favorite flavored. And Original, of course, when it doesn’t cost $89794888947. EXCEPT–Amazon.com has cases of Apples and Cinnamon Cream of Wheat for $25! Guess who ordered herself one right after the Christmas? (It had been on my wish list but no one picked that gift to send me from it. Not that I am complaining. It’s probably one of those things that makes people go “She can’t seriously want Cream of Wheat for a present” like they say “There is no way she really wants a thesaurus for Christmas”–oh but I would LOVE a thesaurus for Christmas, or the Chicago Manual of Style….)

******NEWS FLASH*******

I JUST FREAKING FOUND A CASE OF THE DOUBLE CHOCOLATELY CHUNK RICE KRISPIE TREATS ON AMAZON.COM. HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP I HAVE HIT THE MOTHERLODE. $8 FOR SHIPPING BUT IT JUST MIGHT BE WORTH IT.

***Dies Dead***

Speaking of shipping, Adam and I tried out Amazon Prime for our holiday shopping and freaking loved it. LOVED IT. My trial membership expired on the 7th. See, it offers free two-day shipping with no minimum purchase. Two-day shipping, you guys. And no scrounging around the site trying to find something eligible for Free Super Saver Shipping to push that total to $25 when you are at $23.47 (and you KNOW that happens more often than not.) You can order something for $9 and still get it in two days, and still get it free. And getting the package with the PREMIUM sticker on it was pretty cool, I do say so myself. We were certainly spoiled. But to keep it will cost $79.99. When Amazon Prime was a free trial, that free shipping was a great deal. It doesn’t seem so great after you pay $80 up front for it. But Adam said we probably spend that much trying to make the Super Saver Shipping eligibility by buying stuff we don’t need to get to $25 (because come on, I know that I’ve never managed to spend under $30 when I was going for SSS anyway–how about you? It’s not really possible. The total is usually just under $25 or a bunch of dollars OVER $25, right?). Maybe I’m just trying to talk myself into signing up for the stupid thing. I dunno, I will have to seriously think about it. I’m glad I tried it, though. It really helped make Christmas easier for us.

Still a little bit bummed that the holiday season is over. But there is a lot to look forward to in 2010 and I know that I’ll back into the swing of things mentally before long. Especially when I find this site with loads of beautiful clothes that I can ill afford to be buying these days. Some day, my friends. Some day I will have that pin stripe skirt and and those alderlass trousers. And there is this pair of shoes… oh God, these shoes! *calming breath* Oh yes, my friends. Some day.

In the meantime, I will try to sleep. And during the day, I will take a break from reading the Series of Unfortunate Events (I am currently in the middle of Book The Fifth) and venture out to the grocery store and possibly Target (we need printer paper and Iams cat food). If I am lucky and feeling up to it and if I can convince Adam, maybe a trip to Barnes & Noble as well. I have a $25 gift card that’s burning a hole in my wallet. :)

Going to try to sleep now. G’night… er, morning. :O

P.S. Just so you know, if Pillsbury stops making their Crescent Rolls, I will take it personally.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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