Day: June 14, 2005

Listen With Your Heart, You Will Understand

/ aidan, life

It’s getting tricky to discipline Aidan. He’s learned the power of NO and is not afraid to try to use it. I’m trying to stress to him the importance of not making messes, but he does it anyway, so I tell him to clean it up. ‘NO’ he says. ‘It’s NOT a choice,’ I tell him. It’s hard to follow through, especially when I’m tired at the end of the day or whatnot. But I know it’s important to do it now, or it’ll be much harder down the road.

I am NOT trying to have my son on Jerry Springer, okayyyy?

My website is down, which is a bummer. I was uploading cool stuff, and then it quit on me. BOO. I guess tomorrow maybe? I don’t know.

I need to go to bed soon. I’m pretty tired. I haven’t had dinner. Don’t think I’ll be getting any–although I have some leftover spaghetti in the fridge. I might have to bust that out!

*sigh*

My website’s FTP is not stable at all and it’s frustrating me. (It’s up now). They said it’s my ISP, but I never had problems with uploading when I had Hostfinity. But gah, hostfinity was $33.95 a month and Acenet is $8.95 a month. So yeah, ya know? Anyone recommend any cheap companies with lots of storage?

—–

Okay, it’s later still. My son insists on removing his diaper and walking around naked. Except, haha. I know why!! *emergency potty break*

This is so random. My site is working now. Here are three new photoalbums:

Enjoy and please comment! 🙂

Disney album coming soon, I PROMISE! It’s going to be huge! WOOHOO!

I should go.

Goodnight!

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Self Doubts

/ writing

I mean, if someone who has an awesome agent and a book deal already in the makings can still get rejected, what chance do I have?

I overlooked my query letter and it no longer seems witty or seem to have that X factor. It just seems gimmicky and stupid.

The paradox of being a writer is this kind of thinking:

I am brilliant.
I am crap.

My writing is amazing.
My writing is worthless.

I will sell a book and be an author!
No one wants to read this junk.

Yes, it goes around and around in my head. Over and over and over.

Checking my email is no fun anymore because I’m cringing, waiting for another rejection to be sitting in my inbox. The first one was nothing. The second one upset me for a few hours. The next one–I don’t know how I’ll handle it.

Now I am in the self-doubting phase. And I want to write. Unfortunately, I don’t think I will have time today, not without sacrificing sleep and my job and other things that need to kind of take priority right now.

Lord, help me.

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