Month: September 2006

Man….

What a trying week and a half it’s been. But I have my internet back, and my home phone back which makes me very happy. The reps were so awesome, doing all they could to make sure I got my old phone number back, and getting my Road Runner working again. Once the account is fully switched to my name, I think I will go to RR lite. It’ll be a bit cheaper than the one I have now–I don’t do all that much heavy downloading or gaming. I doubt playing TextTwist on Yahoo! Games is going to be slowed down that much.

I never realized HOW MUCH I depend on the internet to do so much, not just fun stuff, but everything.

I lasted about a week with no phone land line and about lost my mind. I have things I need to do, business things, and Verizon’s service out here is meh to grrrr. Dropped calls. Obnoxious to the max. With all the developments out here, one would think they’d have put a new tower out here by now, but nope. It’s been three years, and service still sucks.

When I was driving home, I was cranky (I’ve been pretty much cranky for the past 8 or 9 days). A while ago, my friend Libby had made me a CD of dance songs. She pretty much has my taste down pat, but there was one song that bugged me. And it’s not because Libby picked it for me; this song would bug me in any situation. I don’t like those smug “look at us now” love songs. I mean, it’s like, okay, you’re in love and you’ve lasted 9 million years. Good for you. But why do you have to go singing and bragging about it? “They said we wouldn’t last, but look at us now! Squeee!” A bit obnoxious? If you’re in love, rejoice in it, but don’t go rubbing people’s faces in it, and don’t go bragging about it. Just be in love. Be happy. Else, I’ll tend to think you’re just together to prove a bunch of people wrong, and that’s really stupid.

Today, I took Aidan on a mini-date to McDonalds. He was very good, eating all of his McNuggets. Now, here is what I don’t understand. I get us both McNuggets. Happy Meal for him, five-piece for me. But he always wants to take MINE. HE HAS HIS OWN NUGGETS. “I’m sharing with you, Mommy,” he says, but how, when he’s taking MY food? Still, he was really sweet. He reached across the table and put his hands on my cheek, then he actually came over and gave me lots and lots of kisses. It was a good date.

Work has been okay, though. I like the copyediting a LOT. When I find a mistake that’s gone through at least three other sets of eyes before coming to me, I get this thrill all through me. I know, it’s weird, but it happens. And it happened a LOT today. Mmmm. I love that “zing.” I love knowing I have sharp eyes and picking up that stuff. I do it anyway, I rather like getting paid for it. Speaking of payday, I’m really looking forward to it–a week from tomorrow. New salary, wheeee! In addition, there is a name tag on my cubicle, so I feel official now. :)

Just put a bunch of music onto my USB drive and onto a CD so that I can load the MP3s on my work computer. YAY for lots of music to listen to.

So, here is the weird thing. Remember how I said I was taking a break from writing? Well, the weird thing is that out of nowhere, people are coming to me about writing. I don’t know if this is a sign to stop being ridiculous when I say I won’t write for a long long time or what. But honestly, I think I do need the break. If I force anything, I will only be upset when it doesn’t work.

Speaking of upset, my stomach is NOT happy with me right now. It’s been kind of sad since yesterday, actually. Eh well, I’ll be okay.

I have internet again!!!! :D

And to revisit my to-do list:

– Schedule appointment with Dr. Passias (ASAP)
– Burn some pictures to a CD to take to work
– Finish putting a bunch of Dylan albums onto my computer
– Grocery shopping (Thursday)
– Balance checkbook (Friday or Saturday)
– Fax a BUTTLOAD of paperwork (this week!)
– Make 9,000 phone calls and close all my credit card accounts (yee-haw!)
– Write-up about Cleveland Public Schools for Jen (due Friday)
– Find and return a library book (eek!)
– Read
– Memory Stick Dump
– Aidan’s SSN to HR
– Snail mail letter to someone special ♥
– Answer loads of emails
– Poke The Agent
– Buy birthday cards and actually mail the things

I’m getting there, I’m getting there.

‘Til next time….

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Once upon a time, I would have let a blow like the one I got last night keep me down for days, weeks, even months. Spiraling down, down, down into blackness.

Once upon a time, I would have retreated completely inside myself, and berated myself forever, listing all the horrible things about myself–repeating them over and over and over–until I really believed I was the worthless “bitch” I called myself.

But today, some of my fighting spirit came back. Is still coming back.

And on top of that, I’m well loved. It’s hard to hide from everyone when people keep pulling you back out. When people care.

Can’t beat that with a stick.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

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One More Thing…

Today, a four-year old told me that when he had children, he was going to name one of them “Penis.” I tried not to laugh, but then the sitter started cracking up. I couldn’t hold it in. It was the first real laugh I’d had all day.

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Break It Down Again….

Today, I either called or wrote letters to my many creditors and closed all the accounts. I know this will be a major ding on my credit report, but you know what? Getting behind on my bills would have been bad too. My MBNA payment was going up every month. I will mail all the letters out tomorrow. I feel FREE because now I cannot accumulate anymore debt. All I’ll be doing is paying it down, and then off. Five years it’ll take, but at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I also made the choice to take an indefinite break from writing. I’m not writing out anything really good lately, Only Yours is tanking big time (the publishers all hate it) and Crush… well, I don’t want to talk about it. So I can’t handle it anymore, and I’m stepping back. WAY back. And working on other things. Like maybe getting back into scrapbooking for a bit. Letter writing. Slams (yay verytruly & dararachel)…ANYTHING but novel writing.

I can’t wait to get this DMP squared away. All the paperwork is driving me insane! I think I’ll feel much better once things are handled with that. Then I can start saving money. And maybe I can go to Chicago in February as planned with no worries. I really don’t want to miss Jen’s 30th birthday.

One thing at a time. *breathe breathe breathe*

I’m thinking of selling my guitar. Anyone want a Fender D8? I’ll throw in a soft case, extra strings, and a couple of books as well. Best offer, plus shipping. Local pick-up preferred, though. I also have a 17 inch CRT flat screen monitor that’s just collecting dust…..

‘Til next time….

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