reflection

Ahead to 2013!

2 January 2013 / pictures, reflection, ronni

I’m sitting here, watching Aidan play LEGO Batman 2: DC Super Heroes and thinking about why I’m so nervous about 2013. Probably because I’ve had such a good few years, so I start to wonder when the other shoe is going to drop. That’s a crappy way of looking at things, so I’m trying to avert those worries and thoughts. I’m happy and comfortable and warm, so there is no need to worry about things that may or may not happen.

I’m also feeling my normal post-holidays slump. We party so hard in December, with all the shopping and singing and decorating. Two birthdays, a multitude of holidays, and just that special feeling I get during December of every year. I still have my tree up and will until the weekend, but I always feel melancholy after December passes. No more gatherings or excuses to eat indulgent foods, no presents to give and get, and all the pretty decorations give way to grey, cold, ice, and snow. I’m already tired of wearing my heavy coat with a million layers and feeling like the marshmallow man, and I’m really missing the hot sun, wearing sandals and flip flops, and flowers everywhere. There are so many days until Summer and so many more until next Christmas. It’s kind of overwhelming. I know that once I really get into “ordinary time” I’ll be OK but it’s always hard at first.

It seems like people have a love/hate relationship with New Year’s Resolutions. There are the people who make them faithfully every year and they may or may not break them, and then there are those who act like they’re so against the whole thing. I usually don’t make them because I know I’ll likely break them within five weeks if I even last that long, but that doesn’t mean I don’t start off each new year with some things I want to work on or improve or change. I can see why people pick the first of the year for these things. It’s a brand new year, a clean slate in a way. And I have a lot I’d like to get accomplished.

I’m looking forward to discovering new music, reading new books, and new episodes of the TV shows I manage to stick with. I’m looking forward to getting my 200 hour yoga teacher certification, and I’m looking forward to going to Disney World (would like to go three times this year–one trip is already booked and will be paid for next week). I hope to travel to visit my far away friends, and I hope to lose about 10 pounds. I’d LOVE to finally finish writing a novel, but that’s been in the works for about six years now so it might be time to hang up that dream. I’d love to go back to my no soda restriction–I failed big time at that yesterday while we were having dinner at Fuddruckers (that pop machine is just SO DAMN COOL and I had to try the cherry ginger ale. Had to!). I’d like to read at least 50 new books, and I’d be pleased if I could make it 75! I want to try to go to yoga at least twice every week–three or four times would be ideal, but let’s not get crazy now. 😉

I want to start playing my LEGO Harry Potter Years 1-4 video game that I got for Christmas in 2011, and then I want to move on to LEGO Harry Potter Years 5-7. Maybe I can actually finish a video game! I hope to continue working with my freelance clients and maybe picking up one or two more projects. I am striving to be as well off as I was this past Christmas so I can continue to be as generous with gifts and helping out my family. I need to eat more vegetables. Especially dark, leafy greens. I need to get more iron so I won’t be so bloody cold all the time.

There is no reason why I can’t do most of the stuff on this list. The only thing holding me back is ME. So… that means I’ve got some work to do. I think I can do it, as long as I don’t get lazy! 🙂

Here’s to 2013!! May it be beautiful and amazing and full of love, security, good health, happiness, and incredible opportunities for all of us.

5 Comments

Teach

4 May 2012 / pictures, reflection, ronni, yoga, yoga teacher training

As I move along in my training, I’ve started giving thought to the kind of yoga teacher I want to be. For a while, I’d thought I wanted to teach children, but no. Then I thought about teaching hatha–for I enjoy hatha yoga the most. I’ve also thought about restorative yoga. See, I’m not an athletic person. I don’t like aerobics, unless it’s low impact. I like cardio, but I do not like running, jumping, that sort of thing. So what business would I have teaching it?

I like hatha yoga because it allows one to really get into the pose. You hold the poses longer than you would in vinyasa (which is more of a flow) or ashtanga (which is pretty aggressive), but you’re still working. BELIEVE ME, you are still working. I like that deep work in a pose, especially the heart openers or the hip openers or the forward folds. Like, when you’re right at your edge, and you think you can’t take it anymore, then something releases, and you relax into the pose. Love that.

I want to be the kind of teacher who helps her students *get that*. Who inspires them. I want students who love and respect me, and who generally enjoy coming to my class. But right now, I’m having a hard time taking myself seriously as a teacher, probably because I’m still SUCH a student. And it’s true–one is always a student of yoga–but I’m REALLY a student! One day I was practice teaching, and it just felt so weird to tell people to do things and watch them actually DO IT. I’m sure that’s something I’ll get over… but it’s still a bit odd.

I can’t ignore the fact that instead of singing in the shower, most of the time I’m making up yoga practices, or practicing my cueing. Is that weird? Sometimes I can’t sleep because I’m trying to put together the perfect practice in my mind. Yeah, it’s definitely weird.

Every week in teacher training, we practice teach, either with a partner or a small group. I’m learning that I am SILLY. I’m going to be one of those teachers, like Moksha’s Rich Logan, who’ll have the entire class cracking up while trying to hold a pose. And honestly? I would LOVE that. Yoga doesn’t have to be all serious and frowny face all the time. I love when I can laugh during a pose. A lot of people do. His class was packed today!

I know I have time to worry about it, and I have time to find my voice. First, I need to get the cueing down and keep learning as much as I can. Then everything else will fall into place, just as this entire journey keeps falling into place. I can’t believe how amazing it’s been.

linking up here:

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Stay With The Feelings

17 April 2012 / pictures, reflection, ronni, yoga

**If you’re visiting from the Ultimate Blog Party, see my introductory post here!**

Earlier this evening, I stumbled across something that irritated me in a big way. Without going into detail, I can tell you that I was wishing, even while I was experiencing the emotions and venting to a few people, that it didn’t affect me like it did. And I kept going for that and going for that, trying to flush the feelings out.

You see, I don’t like to stay with certain feelings. Feelings like depression? I can get with. I’m comfortable there. But anger? Nope! I’m not comfortable with anger and I always feel guilty when I experience it. Anger is violent and out of anger arises the desire to harm. Harming isn’t necessarily physical. It can be in mind and speech and well, and let me tell you, it definitely was there in my mind and speech. I didn’t like it so I worked to get rid of it. But then I realized that I needed to experience the anger before I could let it go.

I dug through some of my notes from teacher training (because this was echoing in me, like deja vu) and sure enough, one of the Sutras is Ahimsa: Non-Violence. I am trying to practice non-violence in my life. The way I acted, although I didn’t go out and beat the crap out of someone, was violent regardless. I gave into the anger and let it drive me to say and think harmful things. And those thoughts echoed in me, making me feel uncomfortable and icky. And yet, I know that if I’d have tried to tamp it down, it would have popped up another way, another day.

So where do I find that balance?

I have to practice compassion and love for myself. I can’t do anything about the thing that annoyed me this evening. The situation is out of my control and frankly, not worth my time. But I can learn from the way I reacted to it, and also NOT punish myself for reacting as I did. But going forward, I know better. I need to learn how to experience emotions like anger without letting them drive me to act in ways that are hurtful. It’s not the emotions themselves that are bad. But giving in to the desire to hurt as much as I feel that I’ve been hurt? Nothing good ever comes from that.

‘Til next time.

8 Comments

Easter Through The Years…or Snippets of My Spiritual Journey

7 April 2012 / christianity, church, easter, pictures, reflection, religion, spirituality, videos

Over the years, Easter has become less and less of a big deal in my life, which is sad, because Christ’s resurrection is like THE CORNERSTONE of Christianity, right? My mom used to make a huge deal out of it. New dresses. Dyeing eggs. Church (except the year we stopped going), and big dinners that always involved ham. Don’t get me wrong. It’s still a pretty awesome holiday, but for me, it doesn’t have that same anticipation and specialness that Christmas does. And it should, and not just because of the chocolate.

Here’s a short pictorial trip down memory lane, where you can see how I celebrated Easter through the years, complete with retrotastic furniture and all.

age two

age three

age eight

When I was twenty, I was initiated into the Catholic Church through RCIA at the St. Thomas More Newman Center (Eee, Father Vinny is still there!). The ceremony took place during a three hour long Easter Vigil, during which I was baptized, confirmed, and had my first communion. It was pretty cool. After the ceremony we had a huge party and were given giant Easter baskets full of chocolate and a Pass The Pigs game. (We’d had too much fun playing Pass the Pigs at the RCIA retreat a few weeks earlier.)

being baptized

being confirmed by Father Vinny

being a neophyte

Once I was a confirmed Catholic, I went nuts. I was a Eucharistic Minister. I was always involved in one thing or another. Student ministry. RCIA (this time as a sponsor). Volunteering. And I even worked on staff there as a part-time receptionist for a while after college. I very fond memories of that church and that community.

I am no longer a practicing Catholic, but I still find many aspects of the faith beautiful, and I still have a collection of all kinds of rosaries, including a few that I handmade. I was just thinking tonight about how I kind of wished I was at an Easter Vigil. Yes, it’s a long service, but the way my church did it? It didn’t seem that long at all. It was a beautiful, amazing service. I don’t know if I’d want to go to anywhere ele, but I kind of wish I was at Newman Center right now. I have this to keep me company though:

As I said, I drifted away from the Catholic Church and church in general. Until about 2004, when I became really involved in an evangelical community. This was Aidan’s Easter basket that year:

That Easter was pretty cool. I spent the night under the stars with a bunch of other young (or young at heart) people (I’m sure I was the oldest one there, but it was still fun) and we did a sunrise service that was amazing. I was SO HIGH from that.

2004 was a crazy year for me in so many ways. I made a lot of new friends (most of whom I no longer really talk to except for the occasional facebook stalk or facebook game spam), I became super involved in church activities: volunteering with the teen ministry (my FAVORITE!) and the young adult ministry, doing Power Point presentations, throwing parties, putting together newsletters, and even running a life group. There was a lot going on at home as well. I get exhausted when I read those entries–I was always going going going. No wonder I’m so content to just sit and read these days.

There was the Easter in 2006 where I was treated to a double rainbow.

2006 is also the year my life changed in so many major ways that to think about everything that happened to lead me to where I am today is overwhelming and crazy. And also kind of amazing. Needless to say, my spirituality took some crazy twists and turns, and right now, it’s an ever growing and ever changing and ever winding journey. Maybe one day I’ll go more in depth.

Happy Easter!

4 Comments

2011: A Year in Pictures

1 January 2012 / pictures, recap, reflection, year-in-review

I was totally supposed to post this before my “Looking Ahead” post *points to post below this one* but I forgot that I had the Looking Ahead post scheduled already. So it posted and it took me a while to realize it had posted, and I wasn’t about to UNpost it because let’s face it, it’s a perfectly fine post.

And I used post WAY too many times in that last paragraph!

So, this one is a bit out of order, but I worked so hard on it that I decided not to trash it. So, without further ado, here is 2011 (and maybe a tiny bit of 2012) represented in pictures.