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does anyone even read this thing?

9 November 2022 / 2021, aidan, author life, life, pictures, ronni, this night is ours, travel, work, writing

Once upon a time, someone said “the days are long but the years are short,” and as I grow older, that’s feeling more and more true. It’s been well over a year since I posted here, but it doesn’t feel that long. But it’s been many months, and time just keeps ticking.

(There are a lot of pictures in this post, and some of them are taking ages to load, so please bear with me and the servers. Sucks that I have to say this in the year of our Lord 2022, but what can you do?)

I’m still working, blessedly from home. I have a full-time job and various freelance gigs, and I’m still writing on top of that. I (re)started therapy in February 2021, and that’s still ongoing. My new game obsession is Disney Dreamlight Valley, which took the place of my Stardew Valley obsession from earlier this year. Playing cozy video games is definitely my self-care!

I redid my home office to match my aesthetic because pink is beautiful and it makes me happy! And because I spend so much time here, it only makes sense for my office to be a place I want to be. I have two setups and a total of three to four computers in my office. My MacBook Pro, my Razer Chroma gaming laptop, and two work laptops. Good times.

Good things and bad things happened in 2021, globally and personally. There’s been loss, but also birth. Sorrow and joy. Hope and despair. Such is the journey of life.

The Sad

My beloved Charlotte passed away in May of 2021 from cancer. She got sick super suddenly and deteriorated quickly, and my heart is still broken from missing her. She was only four years old. She should still be here.

collage of grey tabby kitty cat, from kitten to age 4

My bio father passed away in October of 2021. We were estranged. I hadn’t spoken to him in decades. And yet, the grief is still there a bit. It’s complicated. But it’s there.

The Joy

Aidan graduated high school, got accepted to every college he applied to, and chose to go to college in Chicago and move in with me and Adam! I was and am THRILLED to have my son with me full-time. He’s just a super amazing person.

I had a blast redoing his room, and my office as well. I ended up making almost everything in my office pink or white, which meant new desks, new shelving, and new chairs. I gave Aidan my old black desk and gaming chair. We installed shelving in his room so he could display all his collectibles and LEGO, and I put together an epic snack cart. That project was SO MUCH FUN. On both accounts. I have an epic snack cart, too.

In fall 2021, my baby started COLLEGE! It’s still hard for me to believe he’s a *man* now. But he’s the very best person I know.

It’s amazing to me that our little family raised this amazing boy. With co-parenting, friendship, and our love for Aidan, I think we did a pretty good job.

I sold another book! And I’m STILL WORKING ON THAT SAME BOOK. This Night is Ours is due to come out sometime in 2024 and I think we’re in the home stretch of edits. Here’s the book deal announcement. Back when I naively thought I’d be able to write a novel in 3 months. Ha. HAHAHAHAHA. So yeah, the date in the announcement is way off!

I’m excited for you all to read it.

Several months after the loss of Charlotte, we were finally ready to open our hearts to a new kitty. Enter Priya. Because it was 2021, we had to make an appointment to see kittens at PAWS. All of the kittens that day were not very socialized, and most of them were terrified of everything. Priya could be coaxed out of her hiding place with treats, and that’s how we decided on her. Initially, she only wanted Aidan to hold her. At home, she liked Miles right away, but he had to do the hissing thing. Establish his dominance. Now they’re best of friends. I’d never had a calico before, and I adore her so much. She’s finally trusting us (although a sudden movement or loud noise will still spook her, and she’s not a fan of strangers. She does like other cats, though), and she cuddles with me at some point every night. She’s not attached to my hip like Charlotte was, but that was special. I don’t know if any other cat will love me like Charlotte did. I’ll take what I can get from little Priya!

In late summer 2021, my bestie Rena had a baby, and I love that child like my own! Auntie Ronni will do anything for that sweet baby! Not posting pictures here to respect their privacy, but just know that every time I see that kid, my heart melts clear through the floor. Just celebrating all the lovely people in my life… that’s a blessing. Such a blessing.

The Adventure

In July 2021, I took my first trip on a plane since February 2020. I’d gotten vaccinated, and mask mandates were still a thing, so I felt fairly safe flying again. I visited Jennifer and her family, and it was just what the doctor ordered. Lovely summery weather, beautiful beaches, a spa day at The Ritz, and nighttime dinners on the boat. Such a great time.

I made it to Paris!

And I am absolutely enchanted by the place. It’s beautiful, and I cried when I saw the Eiffel Tower for the first time. The thing is awe-inspiring and enormous. And a bitch to climb. Make sure you go in on the elevator side if you want to go to the top. Because whew! I climbed up to the 2nd floor (see the middle band around the tower?). It was not fun. But I did it. Fortunately, an elevator was available to take me all the way to the top!

Then I got to visit the gorgeous Palace of Versailles (I always spell that wrong). I can’t even describe how amazingly gorgeous it is. And people lived there. What?

And of course, there was no way I was going to Paris without visiting Disneyland Paris!

Disneyland Paris has been a pipe dream for ages, and I never thought I’d get there. But … I put it on a vision board in 2017, and a lot of the things on there have come true! Maybe it’s time for me to make a new, updated vision board and fill it with more dreams, goals, wishes…

Anyway, Disneyland Paris was really cool and quirky. Some of the rides lasted longer than the rides at Disney World, and (Hyper)space Mountain was way more intense. I really loved feeling that Disney magic even in a new place.

I went down south and spent time with dear Jennifer and her (our) family. I took Aidan and my mom. We also visited Adam’s family. It was busy but rewarding and full of love. There were boat rides and Ulta trips and golf carts and Nerf wars and cookies and mac and cheese and beach walks and just so much goodness.

The Wind Down

I look back at my pictures and I’m just awed at the amazing people in my life. It’s easy to forget when anxiety and depression rear their heads and try to take over. It’s easy to forget when I isolate myself in my office (as pretty as it is) and take on too many freelance projects. And it’s easy to forget when I let social media define my self-worth, which happens way too often.

Speaking of freelance, the 2nd half of 2021 found me buried in work. The day job was super busy, freelance was out of control. It was like the world was waking up from 2020 and trying to make up for lost time. By the time Christmas rolled around, I was sick, exhausted, and overwhelmed, and making a point not to overwork myself like that in 2022!!!

But I am happy, overall with how 2021 turned out. I learned a lot, got to open my home, and see people again. I got to venture into the world again. I wish I could say it was a nicer world overall, but the jury is still out on that. I just have to hold on to the things close to me.

Eventually, I will update you on my 2022, but today’s not that day! It’s time for me to wind down and start getting ready for bed. YouTube and Gilmore Girls aren’t going to watch themselves, you know.

More soon!

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back to the grind.

6 April 2017 / cats, life, work

After 90 days that included major surgery, recovery from that surgery, author visits, writing, lots of Netflix and DVD bingeing, travel, a writing workshop, visits to family, signing with an agent!!, losing my sweet Helena, and freelance work, tomorrow I head back to Humana. The DayJob™ is back.

I have mixed feelings! On the one hand, it’ll be nice to make money again, and after what happened the past couple of weeks in/on Amazon, Anderson’s Bookshop, Target, Whole Foods, Sephora, The Disney Store, Memebox, Planner Chick Designs—you get the idea—this is a good thing. I have a few credit cards to pay off, I want to start saving big time again, and also buy fun stuff.

I’ll once again have some structure to my day, which I’m both sad and happy about. It’s a good thing to have structure, right? But also, I’ll have structure, and accountability, and expectations, and sometimes that is scary. It shouldn’t be. I’ve been doing this a long time. I know I’m sad about losing the ability to keep my own hours. My body naturally wakes up between 1030am-12noon, and I tend to stay up until 3 or 4am. That’s just how I work best, and going to bed early tonight for a 745am alarm is going to feel weird. I have some melatonin to help with that!

I plan to continue working from home the majority of the time, which will help. Except my kitty cat has turned the living room into his giant litter box. We took him to the vet, and since he is so old, we opted not to do the biopsy. Instead, I’ve switched his food. I want to get him on all prescription food, but I need to get a MedCard since the vet is always out of the stuff. In the meantime, I have him on single ingredient food–the expensive stuff from Petsmart. Money is no object when it comes to my remaining kitties. I couldn’t stand a loss so soon after Helena. Maybe I’m overcompensating, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

My brain is all over the place, apparently. Sorry, but not really. I will have to spend mornings cleaning up after Fi before I can begin working. I have puppy pads everywhere to help with the clean up. He’s old—nearly 18—so I can’t be too mad at him.

I’m finishing up the revisions for my agent (!!! This is still very thrilling to me !!!). I have a write-in this weekend at Rena’s place (YAY I get to see Rena!), so I plan to really buckle down and knock it all out. I told my agent I’d have my revisions to her by 4/17. So I have time… but this weekend I’ll be in a place to really focus. I’m excited!

But for now, I’m going to spend my last night of “freedom” eating fish and chips, watching the OC on DVD, and reading. I’m going to take a long bath, do a face mask, and get everything laid out tonight so I won’t be a mess in the morning. I’m so glad tomorrow is Friday, which means I have a weekend to look forward to right away!

Wish me luck!!

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Employment Enjoyment

25 July 2012 / meme, pictures, ronni, work

The Employment Enjoyment Meme

1. What kind of work do you do?
I am a freelance copy editor and proofreader.

2. During the course of your lifetime, which job or career has been your favorite or most fulfilling?
Anytime I get the chance to edit materials meant for primary school I get super excited. My most fulfilling work is when I get to make really cool stuff even cooler.

this was one of my favorite projects.

3. Do you think it’s necessary in your life to have a day-to-day “career” that is meaningful and service-oriented or do you function better in “just a job” with a steady paycheck?
I have to do meaningful work, but I admit that it taks a certain amount of privilege to be able to say that. Any time I’ve worked on a position that was just a “paycheck”, I felt like I was dying inside. When it’s Sunday night and you’re wishing you’d get sick so you can call off? That’s a problem. When you’re crying on the commute home? That’s a problem. But some people don’t have a choice, and I respect that.

4. Was there ever a time in your life when you wanted to stay home with your children instead of working, even if it meant less money in the household?
Yes, especially when Aidan was first born. Now I am fortunate enough to be able to do most of my work from home.

5. Tell us your worst boss story.
Hmm, there was the time I went to leave work and the boss said, “You have five more minutes.” When I showed him the clock on my computer that did NOT indicate I had five more minutes, he reset the clock and made me sit for five more minutes before I could leave.

6. Have your ever been the boss? Do you like this this role?
No. I purposely avoid those types of roles. I’ve been sort of a “leader” in a way, but I feel that’s different from being a boss. And even then I was dragged kicking and screaming into the role.

7. What is your dream occupation?
New York Times Best-Selling author as well as someone who gets to edit awesome fiction.

Here are some pictures from some of my past jobs:

working the front desk at the stadium scholarship dorm at ohio state university
(yes, i actually lived in the stadium. it was awesome.
this gave me the opportunity to live in less expensive housing.
it actually should’ve been called the stadium workstudy dorm.)

first day working as a desk attendent at the apt i lived in from 1995-1998

i took pictures of myself during breaks when i worked at Nationwide

see?

And a couple past workspaces:

Wanna hire me? Check out my LinkedIn profile. 🙂

OK speaking of work, I need to get back to it. Ta ta!

2 Comments

LinkedIn Depresses Me

19 January 2012 / life, pictures, ronni, sad, work

Have you ever felt like you are just… not as accomplished as you should be? I mean, you all know how I feel about all this “grown-up” business, but honestly, I often wonder why I just can’t be NORMAL. Why can’t I be happy with getting up five+ days a week, going into an office, coming home, eating dinner, watching TV, and sleeping? People do it every day! And they’re OK with it. The long commute. The lunch break that always goes too quickly. Why can’t I just be satisfied with–or at least resigned to–that sort of life? It’s like, what is wrong with me?

Yesterday, I worked in an office for the first time since November. It was just a one day gig, but could have led to more.

It didn’t go all that well. I was not on top of my game and they were not big with the patience. I mean, part of it was me. I just wasn’t on top of my game. I hate to admit that, but there you go. But part of it was their expectation that someone should walk in off the street, be given five minutes of training, and do everything perfectly. That kind of pressure? It screws me up. But that’s how it is in Chicago. No one has time for training or learning curves. You have to be able to hit the ground RUNNING. It’s super cutthroat. And it does nothing for my self-esteem when I am just not there.

And I say to myself:
You are 37 years old.
Why AREN’T you there yet?
You loser.

You know how people get depressed when they’re surfing Facebook and they see everyone else’s fabulous life? I’m like that with LinkedIn. I get that nifty little email in my inbox with all the updates; everyone’s promotions and new positions and whatnot. Or I’m just browsing and looking at people’s profiles! Everyone’s so accomplished. Or they’ve been in the same company for eleventy-billion years and have gotten a promotion every five years or so just like they’re supposed to. People my age and younger are managers, executies, directors. I don’t feel so bad about that, per se. I think I feel bad because even if I wanted a title like that, I’d never qualify for one. And then I start to feel pathetic.

Because why DON’T I have an established career or job? Why do I just kind of float through life in a way that I have to constantly remind myself to be present, to be intentional, to make it count?

It should not be this hard! Why is it so hard?

deep breath

OK. It’s obvious that I’m freaking out a little bit.
It’s just that…
I have a big decision to make, and this decision is making me super nervous.
It’ll be a big time commitment and financial investment.
The support from my friends and family has been amazing.
I’m still scared.
I’m starting to learn that the easiest choice is not always the right one,
and that the scary choice is usually the one that will take me on an amazing journey.
It will show me things that I’ve never thought possible.
It will push me farther than I’ve ever gone.
It will change my life in a very good way.

Adam and I kind of live by the philosophy Jump, and a net will appear.

So, I think I’m going to do it. I’m going to jump.
oh my god.
Details soon.

Linking up with:

23 Comments

Busy Bee (Pictures)

19 October 2011 / authors, disney, life, living in chicago, pictures, shopping, work

So, I’ve been pretty busy the past few days. In addition to two really big deadlines (that I made because I AM AWESOME), there were two very limited edition dolls I had to procure. And there was social stuff, some cleaning involved. I’m ready to be done for a while! Just a little while, though. Gotta make that $$!

I never thought that working from home would make me more busy than working full time AND working from home. But it’s OK. I love it this way. My commute is awesome, and sometimes, my “cube mate” is this:

Little Helena

Plus, I get to do the work I love.

Last Wednesday, Adam and I headed out to The Morton Arboretum to look at the trees. I was shocked to see that a lot of them had not peaked yet, but there was still plenty of brilliant color.

[more]

Sunday, we headed out to Naperville to see the Dark Days of Autumn author tour, but mainly because Claudia Gray was there, who we hadn’t seen since July, when she packed up and moved to New Orleans. *sad*

It was SO FUN to see her and hang out again! (Ignore my hair in these pix. It was a TERRIBLE hair day.)

What was really funny is that I was talking with some really young girls in the store as the event was winding down. They were 12. To be honest, preteens tend to scare me, and I’m not sure why. But these girls were super sweet. I’ll talk to teens all day every day but preteens? Not so much. It’s weird. Anyway, Claudia came over to hug me again and to make arrangements for hanging out after the event was over. The girls freaked out. “OH MY GOD. YOU KNOW HER? YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH A REALLY, REALLY, REALLY FAMOUS AUTHOR!” Claudia goes “I’d take off a couple of those ‘reallys’.” Ha.

I bought her new book FATEFUL (werewolves on the Titanic! HELLO!) and because Kiersten White was so adorable and funny, I bought her book PARANORMALCY because well, it sounded awesome. I’m reading that one now. I really need to stop reading that one and read the remaining four library books I have before Monday. But I’ll do that once I take care of my remaining deadlines tomorrow (why do I get the feeling something more is going to come up, though?). I’ll go on a BOOK READING BINGE. OR I’ll just try to renew the books I have to buy me some more time. In fact, I should do that now…..

Monday morning, I got up SUPER EARLY because I wanted one or more Disney Designer Princess dolls. There are ten dolls total. The first three dolls sold with no fanfare. They were being released once per week in the stores and online. Only a few people knew or cared about them, apparently. Some of them were in the stores for weeks before selling out. I hadn’t found out about them several weeks ago, when I ventured into The Disney Store and saw the display and went HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THESE DOLLS ARE AMAZING I MUST HAVE ONE. Then suddenly, it went to a fever pitch! The dolls were selling out within hours and showing up on eBay just a few hours later at nearly 7x their retail price. And unfortunately, the ones I wanted? Tiana and Jasmine? They hadn’t been released yet, so although I had a chance to get them, I knew I’d have to fight for them. The dolls are very limited edition, and the eBay dealers are being jerkwads about it by snatching up all they can and then jacking up the prices. Suck. So, Disney decided to put the remaining five on sale AT THE SAME TIME. Which meant, if I had any chance in hell of getting one, it was going to be about early morning rising and standing in line.

I got to the Disney Store at Block 37 at 7am. There were already more than 20 people ahead of me. Turned out the most of any doll they had was 20. They passed out cards at 9am. Guess who lost out? BUT. My darling, darling awesome husband was standing in the cold at the Michigan Ave. store. For an hour and a half, he froze, and when they go to him, well Tiana was sold out but there were still Jasmine dolls left. He got the card, and I squealed and ran out of the mall and caught the first bus to North Michigan Ave. I joined him in line, got the card, and told him to go somewhere and warm up. By now it was about 9:20. Forty minutes til the store opened. I didn’t get my doll til nearly 11am because they were letting people in one by one or two by two or something like that, to pick up the dolls and pay for them. Fortunately, I was standing near some really nice people, and talking to them (although they were so obviously frozen) helped. It was cold!

But I got my Jasmine.

She’s still in her case–it’s so pretty, plus I need to clean the hell out of this apartment first before I even think of displaying her. (The cleaning is supposed to take place this weekend.)

This morning, I had to get up to try for Tiana. Because honestly, I couldn’t NOT try. She’s my favorite princess! The site came up at 11 CST, and I got in, managed to get TWO Tianas in my cart somehow. Took ages to get one of them out (they were only allowing one type of princess per person–I didn’t want to screw ANYTHING up). But then I couldn’t go any further. Checkout button was like NOPE. THANK YOU! The site was a mess. It kept crashing and freezing and doing all sorts of bad things. But AGAIN, my awesome husband came through. He was on his computer and HE MANAGED TO GET THE ORDER TO GO THROUGH. I got a confirmation email and everything. Tiana didn’t sell out on the Web site until at least an hour after Adam placed my order, so I’m hoping and praying I don’t get an “order cancelled” notice. I am eager for Tiana to arrive. I feel extremely lucky in so many ways and I will love these dolls forever.

I bought Adam brunch for standing in line, but it seems I owe him again!

I’ve been neglecting my yoga. 🙁 I won’t be going tomorrow either. Stuff to do, stuff to do. But Thursday I should be able to go back. YAY.

And that’s all for now. Til next time….

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