Potluck Entry (Pictures)

Still hiding from the writing world. It’s really, really, really hard for me to see people getting book deals, multiple book deals, great feedback and moving forward while nothing’s happening for me. I can’t write–I get a mental block every time I try, topping out at about 10,000 words before I give up. My ideas fizzle out. I start thinking that it’s going to suck anyway so why bother. And I file the document away. Another failure.

I keep hoping it’ll happen for me one day, but that hope is seriously diminishing, and I think that maybe it might not be in the stars for me. I know I have talent, but the people who pay don’t want to read what I have to write, even if it is good writing. That’s a very depressing thought. Since I’ve been so shielded from that world, I haven’t had to worry about the bitter feelings and things, but sometimes, someone pulls me in, and I see their successes, and I get that bad feeling in the middle of my torso–like in that hollow in my breastbone or whatever–and I just get reminded of how I’m going nowhere. It’s hard to keep going.

I’m really seriously considering giving up on ever being published. I don’t have the kutzpah to try anymore.

You’ve seen my updates on him. :) He’s so smart. “Mommy, look! This is hilarious!” Except, his Ls are Ws, so he says “This is hiwarius!” He’s overwhelming, though. I’m drained at the end of the day, and as you all know, I spend almost every evening with him. He demands a lot, he doesn’t always listen, and I have a hard time getting him to pick up after himself. Raising a child is HARD.

Aidan & Scooby Doo!

He’s REALLY good at computer games, and memory/concentration type games. I mean, really good. He knows things that most kids don’t know until kindergarten, if I am not mistaken. For example, he knows his left from his right. He knows near and far, short and long. And when he’s not being bratty (which fortunately, isn’t often), he’s very affectionate. He likes to play games and pick the wrong answers on purpose. And there’s this one sound in the Backyardigans game that he knows drives me crazy, and he likes to play it really loudly then laugh at me when I freak out.


We just relocated to a new building. The outside of the building is WEIRD, but the work space is pretty sleek. Too dang COLD for my taste (I need to get an electric heater STAT), but I think it looks very modern and cool. Here’s a picture of where I sit:


Yes, that’s a Barbie lunchbox! Heehee. My United Way one is sticky and gross, so yeah. You can see proofs that I work on, my proofing board, all sorts of things. I like the space–it’s nice and bright. But there is a lot of traffic where I sit which can make it hard to concentrate. Usually I stick on my headphones and get lost in my music, though. And there’s the FREEZING MY BUTT OFF aspect of it. Otherwise, it’s okay, as long as I have plenty of work to do.

Up until yesterday, I was an emotional wreck. Roller coaster like crazy. But now I feel like ME again, which is a VERY GOOD THING. I don’t like feeling out of control crazy like that.

Preparing for something BIG. Won’t say much more about that for now.

Got my first ever flu shot today!! Oh my. The part I hated was when the nurse was actually injecting the medicine in. I don’t mind the initial prick. I actually rather like it. It’s the other part that sucks. But it’s over. The spot is a little sore, but nothing I can’t handle. And anyway, this is nothing compared to the FLU. Ugh. It’ll be nice not to get it for once.

I’ve been craving Chinese food lately. Beef and snow pea pods, mostly. And rice. Lots of rice. I used to hate Chinese food. I still don’t care for too much of it, so for me to crave it is very strange. Other cravings I’m having:

– Spaghetti w/Eckridge hotdogs (which were buy 1 pack get 2 packs free at Meijer!);
– Japanese Steakhouse (hibachi steak, ginger salad, rice with ginger sauce, bean sprouts);
– Steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, roll with lots of butter;
– Sausage McMuffin w/egg, hashbrown;
– An ice cream soda from Margie’s Candies (or whatever that place in Chicago is called);
– Double chocolatey chunk Rice Krispy treats;
– This:
Thanksgiving Dinner 2005

I should go eat now. Guess which ones on the list I’ll have. Tee hee. ‘Til next time….

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Yesterday, I read The Giver by Lois Lowry. And like a fool, I started crying, right there in my cubicle. I swear, I’ve cried more in the past month I’ve been there than I have the entire six years I was at Nationwide. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But WOW. That book just gripped me. I remember Lois Lowry’s Anastasia books. I loved those books. But The Giver. Wow. She’s versatile and sooo good. Soooo good.

I’ve been reading a LOT at work. Since I’m working on the Literature and Character Education (LACE) teacher guides, it’s important for me to know the material in the books. OH DARN, right? SUCH a hardship. Getting paid to READ, right? Seriously, I cannot complain. Except for the fact that I read too damned fast! I need to slow down. Some days I manage to make it through two books AND the LACE guides.

What else? Oh yes. My doctor put me on a medication for my headaches and BOY DOES IT MAKE ME SLEEPY. He told me to take it before bed, which I did. But I had a hard time keeping my eyes open today. I was so cold so I had the hot thing and I was drinking cocoa and once that stuff took effect, I felt all fuzzy and warm. It was hard to stay awake.

Speaking of cold… there was snow here yesterday! Lots of flurries. Lots and lots. Kind of exciting, but then again, not really. Although I did enjoy getting out my cute scarf and hat and gloves.

I’m so glad it’s Friday! I really am. Two days of not getting up when it’s still dark out. Nice.

Last night, in my drug-induced post-sleep haze, I started thinking of the church I used to go to when I was in college. The St. Thomas More Newman Center. There are people there who were there when I used to go there!! Wow, such a long time ago, the Catholic me. But you know, there is a little bit of her still in me, the current me.

I’ve been on a MADONNA kick lately! I don’t know what my deal is, but I’ve been listening to loads of Madonna. I guess it’s just time for that phase in my life.

Writing. Sigh. Even though I’m on a break, of course it’s calling me. However, I stay out of the professional loops and things–I’ve really cut myself off from that world, because hearing of everyone else’s success is just highlighting my failures and it makes me depressed and bitter and angry, not to mention jealous–so yeah, it’s a good thing I’m keeping away from the writing world for now. It’s really hard to see everyone else moving ahead, while I stay stuck. :(


Happy Friday, people! :D

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I Don’t Really Want to Post

I don’t really want to post, but I feel compelled to.

Firstly, I want to tell everyone to friend Andy (crimsonghost_oh), one of my best friends for… well, the number of years is in the double digits (*feels old*). He just got a LJ, so go say Hi.

Secondly, work is draining me. Not because it’s hard. Oh no. So far it’s been too EASY. I’ve been doing Handwriting and LACE. The LACE stuff I love, because it has some meat to it and introduces me to some great children’s books. The one I read yesterday, Grandma’s Records, actually had me in tears. I’ve never cried over a picture book before. But the story is beautiful and the illustrations (also done by the author) are out of this world.

But the Handwriting. There MIGHT be five or six lines of text to a page. And I get finals, so most of the big, glaring errors are gone. It really only takes me a couple of hours to do Handwriting proofs, but the work is so scarce and the due dates are sooo far ahead, that I try to stretch things out as long as I can. Unfortunately, that makes me REALLY nit-picky and drained by the time, oh say, 11am rolls around. I like copyediting, but I wish there was more. I wonder if I’ll want to take that back in a few weeks.

Anyway, enough about that.

I booked my ticket for Philadelphia in November. I can’t believe I’m actually travelling for a concert. My mom would never let me do that as a teen. But I really would like to see Dylan do his new songs and he doesn’t appear to be coming to Columbus anytime soon. It’ll be fun, and yet another city to add to my Many Travels of Ronni log. Not that I had one, but maybe I should start one.

Right now, I’m reading Burned by Ellen Hopkins. It’s blowing my mind. Only this year have I started reading free verse novels. The emotion in them is so intense. I would LOVE to be able to write a free verse novel. I tried, but I can’t do it on a computer. I think I’ll need a journal to do it.

Oh darn. Like buying a journal is such a tragedy for me. ;)

That’s all for now, I guess. ‘Til next time.

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Why the People at MGH ROCK!


**Ronni’s email dings**

Emails from Ben and Libby: Bless you!

I love my coworkers. :)

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