**WARNING**
Rambling, venting, all-over-the-place entry ahead. Proceed with caution.

Finished cleaning the family room last night. With the exception of the carpet (which needs to be steam cleaned), the family room is DONE! :) YAY! That room was giving me the most fits.

The kitchen WAS clean, but then Chris cooked. :

So here is the rundown:

Family Room
Kitchen
Dining Room/Playroom
Living Room
Rose Bathroom

Loft
Guest Bedroom
Aidan’s Room
Master Bedroom
Aidan’s/Guest Bathroom
Master Bathroom
Litter Boxes

The hardest rooms will be the master bedroom and bathroom, the loft, and of course, the kitchen.

Air conditioner hookup has begun! Eric stopped by last night and he and Chris got started, and now it’s set. Eric also cracked a lot of bad jokes. Not naughty bad, but “don’t quit your day job” bad. :) Now there are long pipes sticking out of the back of our house. So exciting. We should have AC by this weekend.

And the temperature will probably drop by then, knowing our luck. But at least we’ll have it.

The house is getting PRIMED for Game Night 2005! YEA!!!! :D

Craig came by last night and we fed him. There was BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and corn. Aidan had mac & cheese. Yummy.

Your IQ Is 105

Your Logical Intelligence is Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average
Your General Knowledge is Above Average

Is anyone really surprised about the verbal intelligence one? :) Gosh, I love words.
Meanwhile, I hate logic and math–I’m shocked I got an above. Hmm.

Joyce Meyer is going to be speaking at Nationwide Arena next weekend. It’s supposed to be free. Chris pitched the idea to me but I said “no thanks.” I’m sure she’s an engaging speaker and she has a TV show and I even own one of her books… but seriously, I am so over the ‘that person writes about Jesus so s/he must know EVERYTHING’ mentality. Just seems like everyone jumps on these bandwagons, take these people’s words as law and that’s all. Again, nothing against Joyce. Just the way (some) Christians seem to latch on and nearly worship these writers.

One would think I’d be all for the “worshipping” of writers/authors seeing as I aim to become an author someday. But ya know. That whole Purpose Driven Life phenomena still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Hmm, I might have some issues with the Church. Ya think?

Um yeah. Lord knows I do and I’m *trying* not to let those biases influence the way I relate to (other?) Christians and such. I’m out here, trying to find my way, tired of all the legalism, the hypocrisy, the judging…tired of myself and dealing with that whole realm.

I have quite a lot of bitterness. I’m tired of the expecations and the ideals. I just want to be me. I don’t want to be the perfect Christian girl I pretended to be (and actually thought I was) early last year. I don’t want to be the legalistic snob I was in summer/fall 2003. I don’t want to be the bitter “Teenager of God” that I am now. I don’t know who I am, what I want. Except to be an author, and to be a good mommy for Aidan.

THAT’S ALL I KNOW.

I have no spiritual direction. I’m not happy as a Christian, I’m not happy as a non-Christian. I can’t embrace paganism because it’s not Christ-centered. I can’t embrace Christianity because I HATE the contradictory messages and I hate not being able to be who I am. Whomever that is. So what do I do? Probably one of the lamest things ever. I pick and choose the beautiful parts of almost all religions and try to incorporate them into my spiritual beliefs. Guess what? I’m still unhappy. So now what?

“Give it to God,” they say. I’ve given IT to God many times over, and only got more hurt in the process. It’s hard to keep the faith when badness seems to hit over and over and with more intensity each time.

I mean, I’m sure I’ll look back at all the b.s. and sift through it and see that it all made sense. But right now? No. Right now I’m just frustrated and itchy. Watching my sadness benefit others, as it has for so many years now, is getting to grow quite old.

**disclaimer** Not all is sad in my life. I realize that and must keep reflecting on that. Right?

You know what I hate? Jerks who pick on virtual strangers (usually through email) just because of some bug up their butts.

I hate it even more when I let such small-minded individuals get to me.

I have a reserve at the library–The Hidden Messages in Water by Massur Emoto. I have until Friday to pick it up.

And Google is dressed up again! :)

See:

In honor of Frank Lloyd Wright. I love when Google dresses up. YAY Google!

I have lots of computer projects to do:

– The Bark.
– Upload Smoky Mountain pictures to Snapfish.
– Order prints of select Smoky Mountain pictures.
– Order prints of Disney pictures.
– Disney online photo album.
– Smoky Mountains online photo album.
– Answer/handle 9 emails. (sorry Ivy, I know you have it much harder than I do!!)
– Write a LETTER.
– WRITE WRITE WRITE.

Then there are the non-computer projects:

– FINISH CLEANING.
– Finish unpacking.
– Laundry.
– Surprise for certain someone (time sensitive)!
– Ivy’s (swankivy) package (only nearly 6 months late).
– Birthday party for a certain someone (time sensitive)!

I gave up a few things, but I’m still pretty busy. There are not enough free hours in the day to do all I want to do. (LOTS of time for sitting in horrible traffic and working, though).

GOOD
+ little aidan
+ laughing with my friends
+ wildflowers
+ spaghetti
+ clean dwelling places
+ writing
+ reading

BAD
– ringing phones
– being interrupted
– the “drop everything and do this for ME” mentality (some) people seem to have in regards to me
– the waiting game
– flakiness
– rudeness
– slow and/or unstable computers/internet connections
– sneakiness
– cleveland and almost everyone who lives there or hails from there (save a select few)

At least this is fun: http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/28721
(Make sure you have Quicktime to view it. It’s worth it!)

Umm, yeah, I’m a little very much on edge today. Been that way for a few days now. Impatient, anxious, frustrated. They say God teaches patience. WHATEVER. As if I have a choice BUT to wait.

Plus, I forgot to take my medicine for the 2nd night in a row. Not good.

Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true.

What ARE my dreams?

Heck if I know them all. I did just say I don’t know what I really want. But here are a few things that may be suspected of being a dream:

– live in Ireland or Scotland for (at least) one year
– go back to Disneyworld at least five times
– visit other Disney parks worldwide
– be a bestselling author
– travel like whoa (England, New Zealand, DISNEY!, Japan, Scotland)
– UNDISCLOSED (and don’t ask!)

Milk and cereal, cereal and milk, cereal and milk, cereal and milk!

My eyes are itching like crazy. DOWN WITH ALLERGIES!

Later, gators.

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