ronni

currently.

/ ronni

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eating.

Jimmy Dean sausage and cheese croissants. I eat one just about every night. They’re soooo good.

reading.

I’ve fallen in love with Maggie Stiefvater’s Raven Boys series, and Jaime Reed’s Cambion Chronicles series. So even though I have a bunch of library books to read, I keep rereading those over and over.

listening to.

My currently obsessed. playlist on Spotify:

wearing.

a yoga top and ankle jeans rolled up so they’re like capri pants. 🙂

watching.

I was watching The 100, but the season finale was last night. So now I’m back to watching nothing.

thinking about.

Money. Writing. Yoga. Working at VSA next week.

looking forward to.

All the packages that should be arriving in the mail next two weeks.

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spring cleaning.

/ pictures, ronni, spring

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Well, I finally did something I’d been meaning to do for months, if not years. And that was to DECLUTTER MY CLOTHING. You do not want to see the condition my bedroom was in by the time Thursday morning rolled around. Luckily for you, I didn’t bother to take photos. Believe me, this is better for all of us.

Surprisingly enough, it didn’t take all that long. First, it was all about separating the dirty clothing from the clean clothing, and that was easy. The dirty stuff was all on the floor. Then, it was all about getting rid of the stuff I didn’t want to wear anymore, that didn’t fit, or that I never plan to fit into again because it was all way too big for me now. I was so amazed at how different an XS from 2014 is from an XS from 2004. From the same store!

I managed to fill up four large bags with sweaters, pants, shirts, and more to donate. My next project is to sort out the summer clothing. I know there are a lot of embarrassingly ugly shorts and tops hiding in those two bins I have, and I just need to let them go.

LIKE THIS ONE:

Up!

WHAT MADE ME THINK THAT WAS CUTE?
Seriously?

Me to my past self: Oh, honey. No.

Basically, most of that trip, as fun as it was, was a fashion FAIL (for me, anyway. at least aidan looked cute).

I’m not just getting rid of the ugly stuff. There is plenty of cute stuff in those bags. They just don’t look right on me anymore, or they no longer fit. Some of the sweaters were hard to let go of.

The cool part was that in the midst of cleaning and clearing, I found a jacket, a sweater, and a top that I’d been wondering about for a long time. (Unfortunately, I did not find my Life Planner. I think it’s really gone. *sad face*) There’s a weight off my chest because I’ve accomplished something I’d wanted to for a long time. I’ll be really glad once I have the summer clothes done as well. And I will TRY to control myself with buying new stuff. Especially when I wear the same things over and over anyway.

Spring is always sort of an awakening for me. In winter, I wanted to lie around and sleep all the time. Not so much these days. Adam’s been surprised at how “early” I’ve been getting up. (Which, to be honest, isn’t all that early for normal people, but for ME, it is!) I went out for a short walk Saturday so I could take pictures of the blossoming trees down the street (and pick up the new menu from the newly relocated and expanded sushi restaurant that I always get my sushi from). I bought a bunch of books from Half Price Books and between that, the library, and ebooks, I’ve been reading like a madwoman. Oh wait, I guess that part is not new.

I’ve started taking vitamins again–calcium and vitamin D, and biotin (so my hair can grow even longer). As the days grow warmer and longer I plan to spend more time outside. And I have GOT to get back to a regular yoga practice. I haven’t neglected my practice this long since I worked at Schawk. And I remembered how unhappy with how I looked and felt back then. No bueno, Ronni. I don’t want to go back to that place.

And so I won’t.

That’s all for now. I’ve also started taking melatonin to help me sleep at night, and I think it’s starting to kick in. So… good night.

11 Comments

in my bag.

/ life, pictures, ronni

Here’s what’s in my bag for May 2014.

In My Bag May 2014

– water bottle
– various snack bars (NuGo, LUNA, etc.)
– lip balm (this one is Lavender from Young Living)
– face powder (Cover Girl CG Smoothers in medium)
– Tic Tacs (orange because Paulie Bleeker knew what was up)
– wallet
– checkbook
– keys
– assorted pens
– composition book
– idea book
– planner (Life Planner is STILL MIA so I got a new one… but it’s so not the same)
– phone
– iPod
– tissues

What’s in your bag these days?

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slow bloom.

/ life, pictures, ronni

Hi!

The temperatures are slowly climbing, then sinking, then climbing, then sinking. Spring always comes very slowly to Chicago, but this year it’s been the slowest I’ve ever seen it. The trees are just now starting to make leaves. And it’s still too chilly for me!

But at least the temperatures ARE rising. That’s something to be grateful for. And we’ve had a few sneak peaks of what’s to come once the weather breaks for good, and it was nice. I even wore shorts out one day. Loved it.

Aidan had his Spring break already and we had a lot of fun. He’s such an awesome kid. Eating everything and all the time now. Definitely growing. Almost too fast!

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My friend Tami asked how does Aidan keep looking older but I never age? 🙂 Me looking so young used to be my nemesis when I was a teenager. Now I love it. The reaction when I tell people my age never ever gets old.

Although I’m seeing more grey hairs than I used to.

I’ve been experimenting with makeup. I’ve been pretty much makeup free for years, but recently I’ve been playing with colors again. I like to stay pretty light and natural, but sometimes I want to do dramatic things with my eyes to make them pop. The funny thing is that what I do is definitely not all that dramatic! I don’t do the winged eyeliner or the smokey eye or anything like that. But I am falling for eyeliner and all the funny colors they have. So I’ve been having fun with that. In this picture, I’m wearing eye liner, shadow, and mascara.

Hi It's Me!

If I do anything to my eyes, that’s pretty much all I do. But I change up the eye liner colors and the shadow colors sometimes, just to see what I can see. Oh and concealer under my eyes to mask the dark circles? Priceless.

I’ve been feeling ungrounded because I lost my life planner. I KNOW. I got a Bloom planner as a substitute but it’s sooo not the same. I miss my big ole life planner with all its spaces to write and put things. I know it has to be somewhere in this apartment–I don’t believe I took it outside in a long time. The last I remember having it was April 1, on the couch or in the bedroom. So it has to be around here.

Now, my room is a hot falling down mess, and I just need to clean it and I’m sure the thing will turn up. But yeah. Cleaning. Hmm. I’ll have a lot of time to devote to *that* particular chore next weekend.

I’ve been working onsite for VSA, entertaining guests, and getting used to driving my car again. It hadn’t been moved since November, so needless to say, it was pretty dead. And one of the back wheels was stuck. That was due to brake issues. The battery just needed a good recharge, which it got while I was waiting for the tow truck to take Little Ronica to the garage a few weeks ago. Now she’s all fixed and running again, and I drove her around a bit today. Feels good to drive again. I do enjoy driving, but only when the traffic is light or I’m out in the country and it’s night.

There was a s00j show last week and it was awesome! And I got to see her at the end of March as well. I always love hanging out with her and with Ryan. 🙂

Sound checking. #s00j
s00j rehearsing with Alexander James Adams

Yuck. I have to apologize for the picture quality. For some reason, my iPhone’s camera has been failing a lot, even in natural light, and I don’t know why. It’s a decent camera and I used to get really great pictures with it. I think part of the problem is that I need to quit using the “enhance” tool in the phone. That makes it all grainy and yucky. And… I just need to get used to carrying around my DSLR or my point and shoot again. I just can’t with these grainy yucky photos anymore.

For example. This should have been a super cool photo:

Herbs for making lavender incense.

My friend Hilary came over and we made lavender incense. This was all the herbs and resins she used. Lavender, myrrh, rose, and more. It looked so pretty. And this picture looks like crap. Bah. It’s time for me to make the good camera my primary camera again. Yep.

Other than that, nothing much as been going on. I’ve been craving sushi all the time as usual. We’ve been eating at a cool placed called Chi-Town Eatery. The guys who work there are super cool. Yesterday I ate at Sunrise Cafe and had the best grilled cheese sandwich of my life. It had cheddar cheese, brie, and swiss, and ham on sourdough. And tator tots on the side. SO MUCH YUM. (Adam and I eat out a LOT.)

May is going to be so busy! I have something planned for almost every weekend, and I’ll probably be getting in some freelance work (which is good, more $$ is always good!). I’m working onsite for VSA again, and acting classes start up again May 6. There’s a retreat, travel to Normal, IL, and visiting friends. I will try to take a lot of photos, and also try to figure out WTF is going on with my phone camera that photos are coming out so crappy suddenly.

And… I think that’s all for now. I now have a purring kitty on my lap and he’s also trying to hold my hand down so I can stop typing and pay him attention I presume. So, till next time….

2 Comments

finding my way.

/ finding my dharma, ronni

Ocean Love

Still here. Still trying to figure out dharma–my purpose for living. When I was a little girl, people constantly asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. My answers changed all the time. I couldn’t think of something I’d want to do forever that actually paid me well. And when I started figuring things out, reality came along with a big fat NOPE and I made myself focus on more “realistic” things.

And it’s worked out OK for me. I’ve been a secretary, a copy editor, a proofreader. I’ve worked as a receptionist, a day care provider, an editorial assistant. And besides the copy editing, there’s nothing else that’s really held my interest or passion for very long. I get these really obsessive spurts and I get soooo deeply interested in things… and then that interest kind of fizzles out.

But certain themes keep popping up in my life and I realize that I find myself going back to them over and over:

– yoga
– writing
– books
– acting
– taking photos (for fun)
– creating
– sunshine
– disney
– copy editing
– words
– literacy
– dance
– travel

Is there some way I can consolidate some or all of these things into a viable career for myself? And if so, HOW?

I operate under this belief that I am OK at a lot of things, but not spectacular at any ONE thing. I flounder because I can be hard on myself mentally. What right do I have to feel like I should be able to do work that is not only fulfilling, but that also pays me well? Why I can’t be “normal” and be OK with the commute and the office job and just working for a living like regular people. With the economy being the way it is, I should be grateful for whatever comes my way right? Even if it kills me inside…right?

But it’s so hard for me to live like that, and I don’t have to so I don’t.

I’m taking a break from acting right now for a couple of reasons. One is that Aidan is in town and I want to spend time with him. The other is that I’m really trying to think about if this is something I want to do, and if so, what am I willing to do so that I’m making a living doing so. The thing is, as much as I love acting, I don’t know if I love it enough to do all the hustling required to “make it.” Because it’s a LOT of hustle, a lot of competition, a lot of rejection, a lot of heartbreak. And I don’t know if I am equipped to handle it for something that seems so… futile. For something I’m not sure I love that much.

But writing? I’m finally comfortable in my writing skin again and it feels amazing. Not only do I get to live in my dreams, but I get to put them on paper. My dream is still to be published someday, and wildly successful. I’m glad I am finally in the space where I can chase that particular dream again.

And yet, I browse the gossip sites (guilty pleasure) and I see the paparazzi photos and I wonder what it would be like to have people wonder about me so much that these fools will hide in bushes to take photos of me. I wonder what it would be like to land a movie role and make a few million doing something that is so fulfilling. Then I wonder if what I’d have to give up for that to happen would be worth it.

I don’t know if I fit in Chicago anymore. No, that’s not true. I KNOW I don’t fit here anymore, at least not January through March/April. Especially if we get any more winters as horrible as the one we’re apparently still having. But I know that once the weather warms up, I’ll be more at home here. If only the weather would actually warm up…. HIGHER than the 50s I mean…..

And then there is this food crisis going on with me. I’ve had a complicated relationship with food and eating for at least ten years now, so it’s kind of nothing new. But it kind of is. I’m rethinking the things I am putting in my body, and I sit around feeling guilty about almost everything I ingest (unless its water or fruit).

It hasn’t completely stopped me from eating junk food or meat or processed things, mind you. But I know it’s coming… because I hate how I feel emotionally after it’s done. 🙁

{sigh}

Aren’t I too old to still be on this journey of self-discovery? But it’s here and I am living it. And now I’m wondering if my strong sense of wanderlust this year isn’t really some sort of tactic I’m employing to try to find myself.

I let myself get talked into another 10 week acting workshop. I start up again on May 6. I am simultaneously dreading it and looking forward to it. I don’t even know what that means. I just know this: now that my car is fixed and the weather is warming up, I have no more excuses not to audit the Monday night class and the advanced class. Then I will make decisions from there–to continue to chase this dream, or to hang it up and look elsewhere to fulfill my dharma.

Seems like I should have done this when I was a in my 20s.

I just need some direction…. some sign. Something.

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