ronni

still so much to do.

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Holy cow, I have so much to get done. Now, I’m taking a break so I can make a to-do list and maybe wrap my head around all the stuff that’s going on. I also need to get my Life Planner in here so I can write everything down in it!

Here’s the stuff that’s been going on and I will someday maybe write blog entries about:

01. Cut my hours at Rainbow down to 15 a week, working from home. It was just too much for me otherwise.
02. Working at VSA a couple days a week for a project.
03. Went to the zoo with Aidan and Adam.
04. Went to Six Flags Great America with Aidan, Adam, and some friends I’ve known online for years.
05. Went to the ER with severe kidney-stone like pain which turned out to be something else completely (although they have not ruled out the possibility that a kidney stone may have occurred right before I got there).
06. Been dealing with a sick cat; Helena’s not been using the litter box very well for months and we took her to the vet, where she was diagnosed with a major UTI. Had to take her again yesterday for follow up because she doesn’t seem to be better. πŸ™
07. Finally joined up with Young Living as an independent distributor. Which means OILS OILS OILS OILS OILS! Any of you interested in ordering therapeutic-grade essential oils, contact me!
08. Worked with Adam to redo our bookshelves after a shelf of books collapsed on me.
09. Got head shots done.

Here’s what needs to happen this week:

01. At least one day at VSA, probably more.
02. Moksha August newsletter.
03. Moksha fall teacher training newsletter.
04. Moksha Sukhava Bodhe newsletter.
05. Prep for Musecon, b/c I am teaching a yoga class there.
06. Loyola program sheets.
07. Eat the rainier cherries.

Here is what needs to happen in the (near) future:

01. Laundry
02. CLEAN MY ROOM
03. Blog posts about the rest of my June Disney trip.
04. Upload Six Flags pix to flickr and facebook.
05. Re-establish yoga practice.
06. Genius bar to figure out why my iPhone’s battery is draining like a mofo.
07. Completely unpack from my June Disney trip.

I’d like to do these things before Aidan leaves for Ohio but will probably run out of time before I can:

01. Go to the beach.
02. Go to Morton Arboretum.
03. Go to LEGOLAND DISCOVERY CENTER.

Here is what I’d LIKE to happen sometime this year:

01. Make and order a photo book of my June Disney trip.
02. Start saving money again.
03. Visit at least one friend in another part of the country.
04. Start acting classes.
05. Have ONE day where I don’t find rogue cat turds somewhere in the apartment.

And finally, here is how I’d like to relax sometime in the next six months:

01. Have a Harry Potter movie marathon.
02. Have a Twilight movie marathon.
03. Go to King Spa and soak in the hot tubs.
04. In fact, have a spa day in general, where I get a massage, pedicure, facial, and have to wear a robe and there are rose petals and glasses of pink champagne waiting for me.

So yeah, that’s what’s been up over here. Hopefully I’ll have time to write a more in depth entry soon. Till next time….

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extra, extra.

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Recently, I had the opportunity to be an extra in a major motion picture. I signed a non-disclosure agreement, so I can’t divulge the title or any other details of the movie here, but it will be in theaters sometime in 2014 and I’m definitely going to be there on opening night to see if I can catch a glimpse of myself!

The casting company did general casting calls. I responded a couple of times with no results–but then I changed my headshot and tried one last time. This time took, and I was asked about availability. Once I got that information to them, I was booked for a costume fitting.

The day of my fitting, I was a nervous wreck, and I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe because I felt that they could see me in person and go “YUCK!” and send me home. I always knew that could be a possibility. But that didn’t happen. In fact, the costume person told me how cute I was and how good I looked in the costume. The hair and makeup guy asked me to wear my hair the same way when I got to set.

I had a lot of fun at the fitting, but I still wasn’t convinced I was actually going to be booked to shoot. But now, I was definitely registered with the casting company and could possibly do work for them in the future if this didn’t work out.

A couple of hours later, I got the email that I was booked to work the next weekend! I told them that I’d definitely be there, and I waited eagerly for my call info. I was so excited. My heart was pounding every day, and it was hard for me to focus on day-to-day activities.

It wasn’t even about seeing or meeting movie stars. It was about seeing the ins and outs of a major motion picture filming. Seeing the sets, the details, how things fit together. The night before I was to go on set, I googled a day in the life of an extra, just to get an idea of what to expect. I knew there would be a lot of sitting and waiting, so I was ready for that.

I was pleasantly surprised that my call time wasn’t as early as I’d expected, but I was so nervous and excited that I was there way before my time anyway! So I waited and chatted with some folks until it was time for me to check in.

This was the first of lots of waiting, lots of standing in line, lots of exercising a tremendous amount of patience.

I got into costume, went to hair and makeup, and managed to scarf down a danish and some water. Then I joined the groups heading over to set. They gave us covers to wear over our costumes to keep some of the “magic” alive. We dumped them as soon as we got inside.

I was shaking when I got to set, but I *think* I played it cool. Everyone had a great attitude and seemed friendly and excited. I was having a great time watching the set up. They are so particular. Everything has to be just so. Every little detail matters. I had no idea how much. I thought it was fascinating and amazing… and I kept thinking to myself, “Everyone who works in the movie industry must be pitta. These are my kind of people.” Just very particular. I really was intrigued by how exacting everything was.

When the principle actors arrived, my heart did a little flutter. Because holy cow: this was real. This was really real. But it still seemed SURREAL during rehearsal. (Maybe from lack of good sleep, adrenaline, and crappy contacts.) It started to seriously hit me once they started rolling the cameras.

But I still have this way of kind of separating myself from what’s going on. Being present is hard for me in the best of times. I was very present there, but it still didn’t seem REAL. It seemed like we were playing pretend–and in a way, I guess we were; we were acting, after all–but I had to keep reminding myself THIS IS A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE, RONNI. DO NOT MESS THIS UP. THIS IS THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME, AND IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN, DO NOT FUCK UP. JUST DON’T.”

We were on set for many hours that morning. Here was my exercise in patience, watching them film take after take. Watching the director (who is amazing) give such specific direction, and watching the actors take the direction and yet, keep infusing their own flavor into the roles.

We broke for lunch, which they provided for us. Nothing too exciting, but adequate none-the-less. Definitely no complaints. Then I waited in holding (the place where extras go when there is nothing for them to do) a while because they didn’t need me on set just set. I relaxed and checked my email, and I read a bit and got to know some of my fellow extras. Then we headed back over for more filming.

I spent a LOT of time on set that day and not a lot of time in holding. It was actually really nice, seeing so much of the action, having the lead actor smile at me (twice!) and just being part of this amazing experience. By now, my contacts were killing me, and I’d been sweating so I was worried I was getting stinky, and I was getting tired, but I hung in there.

When I got home that night, I shoveled in some dinner and then collapsed. I don’t remember much about that evening, except Aidan asking if I wanted to play Wii Sports and me being like “wot.”

Same Scene, Different Day

The next day was more of the same, but I was clued in. I didn’t show up quite so early–just about 15 minutes before call time. Some people had been disenchanted by the waiting, the long, long day (12+ hours), the repetition, the “herding”, etc., so they just didn’t show up. Too bad for production, but OK for me because that meant shorter and faster lines! I flew through wardrobe, hair, and makeup, and was on set a 45 minutes after I checked in.

Set wasn’t nearly as comfortable this day. In fact, it was HOT. And I don’t get hot, yo! But I knew that was part of the package. Sitting for long periods of time in not-so-great conditions. Some people got cranky. I remembered my shitali pranayama and that helped a lot. I also kept reminding myself what an amazing thing I was experiencing, and that kept me strong when I wanted to close my eyes and sleep. I also kept telling myself that I was a professional, and professionals did NOT sleep on the job!

The morning filming took FOREVER. Lots of time on set, lots of time in one holding or another as things were finalized and tweaked and perfected. I took the time to relax, eat some snacks, and continue to get to know my fellow extras.

It goes without saying that cell phones with cameras are not out allowed on set. EVER. So, I didn’t bring my phone with me at all the first day; the second day I brought it but kept it in my pocket so I could use it when I was in holding. There was something very liberating about not having my phone with me and not being allowed to take it out. I was forced to BE PRESENT and actually TALK TO PEOPLE. To actually EXPERIENCE what was happening! I was embracing that, let me tell you. I think we all stare at our screens too much. We’re missing LIFE. Even when I had my phone while we were in holding, I limited my time with it out because I really wanted to live in the moment.

That day of filming was an even longer day, so wrap felt especially satisfying. It was my last night, and I felt excited and proud and energized (even though I was exhausted). I felt my soul stirring. I was immediately missing everything about it when I was heading back into my normal life as Ronni once again. I was missing all the neat people I’d met. I was missing the set and the actors and the cameras and the lights and the directions and the “do it agains” and the “cuts” and the “resets” and the chance to have those do-overs to get it just right.

About a million years ago, I harbored dreams of being an actor. Of moving to Hollywood and starring in movies or on a TV show. I was even a theater major in college. (Not gonna lie, sometimes I still have those dreams.) But I let people, and myself, talk me out of it. It’s too hard. It’s not realistic. I need to do something real. I don’t have the look for a leading actor. I have the look of NO actor! I mean, HAVE I SEEN MY NOSE?

Adam would tell you that I spend most of my life acting. “I almost never talk to the real Ronni,” he always says. I have a hard time grasping reality. But I don’t know if I’m cut out for Hollywood or even Chicagowood.

But I do know this. The days were long. I could tell the principle actors got special perks that the extras did not (like being allowed to use their phones and have food on set). At times, the conditions were not so comfortable. Sometimes I got frustrated and annoyed. I was tired and half out of my mind at some points. But. I loved it. I felt my soul stirring with every single new thing I learned. I couldn’t get enough of watching them set up the shots, the lighting, the cameras. I liked the manic hope that I might get selected to go above and beyond. I was just so thrilled to BE THERE in the presence of people who did this for a living–with people who are known all over the world, with people who were literally pros at what that did–that it never occurred to me to complain. Well, not too much anyway. πŸ™‚

So…I’ll keep doing background work to get my fix in the entertainment industry, and if something more happens from that, GREAT. I’d love to be a featured extra, or have a bigger role, even if it’s not a speaking role. Stand-in would be cool, too! You really never know what might happen. Either way, I’ll be OK. I’m very grateful I had this experience and I’m very, very eager to work on future projects! And if something more is meant to come from this, well, bring it universe! πŸ™‚

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so much.

Happy July 4th, you crazy cats! It’s been a while since I’ve last posted, but I hope to have time to post more often soon. Aidan is currently playing with a whoopee cushion. You can imagine how that’s going.

Since I last wrote, I’ve been sick (we think norovirus), I’ve been working a lot (I’m talking 12-14 hour days), meeting a lot of authors, and trying to maintain my sanity in the midst of all the craziness. My cat, Helena, has decided to hell with the litter box and has pooped in the following places: the bathroom (behind and in front of the toilet), a bag of potatoes, the rug in the living room, the kitchen floor, Adam’s hat, and Aidan’s clothes. I told Adam to get her to the vet ASAP while I am out of the house tomorrow because she could be seriously sick even though otherwise she’s acting totally normal. I think he wants ME to take her but I won’t have time for weeks and she may need help now. I don’t want to wait too long. We lost Lucy because I waited too long.

Honestly, this all started when Adam put in the cat door, which none of the cats seem keen on using without a massive amount of prompting. Our cats are divas.

Anyway, I’ve gotten to do some cool stuff even though I’ve been so busy. Like these:

Me and Judy Blume!!!!
I met Judy Blume!

Us And Weird Al :)
And Weird Al
(I totally asked him what he used on his curls.
He said whatever’s in the hotel bathroom.)

I got to meet TONS of authors at the American Library Association (ALA 2013) conference, including….

Lois Lowry and Me
Lois Lowry!!!

Along with Elizabeth Scott (!!!), Marie Lu, Ally Carter, Mike Mullin, and tons more. I saw Veronica Roth from a distance (Aidan: You wanted to go down here just to LOOK at her?), and I saw Tanya Lee Stone but didn’t want to interrupt her while she was chatting. I also chatted with Mari Mancusi a bit, and I got to see and hug Laurie Halse Anderson and Sarah Dessen. Guys, if anyone had told me that I’d be friends with Sarah Dessen and Laurie Halse Anderson, or get a hug from Elizabeth Scott, I’d have never believed it.

Being there, around all those authors and books and book lovers was so inspiring. πŸ™‚

I’ve been bitten badly by the travel bug and I want to go ALL THE PLACES. I am more than halfway considering a solo trip to Disney World in September. I have until the end of July to decide to get the deal that’s being offered, but I’m like 65% there. I do worry I won’t have as much fun when I’m alone, but on the other hand, I want to experience the freedom of going alone at least once in my life. I also want to visit friends everywhere. All of that will probably have to wait until the fall or later, though. We’ll see.

Summer has been very cool here, to my disappointment. It makes me worry that winter will be hellishly cold. You all know how I hate the cold. I think I’m going to try to go to 2-3 warm places to get away. But on July 2, we had a high of 65F. What kinda crap is that? Today’s high is supposed to be 80F, which is way more reasonable, but I still need to sit in the sun to feel any bit of warmth. *sigh*

That’s all for now. Funny, when I write it out, it doesn’t SEEM like I’ve been all that busy, but believe me, I have. Happy to have today to do nothing!

Till next time….

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truth.

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About 6 weeks ago, I wrote a post in which I outlined some of the self-talk that goes through my head:

1. Shut up, just shut up. You’re so stupid and NO ONE CARES.
2. I bet none of them really like you. They only put up with you because they have to.
3. OH MY GOD you are so dumb. Seriously, shut the hell up.

Just a few of the examples I struggle with constantly. There’s more, believe me.

But recently, I’ve been showered with a lot of goodness. Here are some of the things that people told me the past few days:

· I really love seeing your face around here.
· You’re one of the few people I feel is authentic.
· How could anyone not like you?
· I had such a good time with you this weekend!
· I get so excited when I see we’re working together!
· I miss you so hard.
· So lucky to know this beautiful one (the caption under a photo, posted by a friend, of me and her).

Every beautiful thing that someone told me made my heart swell. I could hardly believe it. People really felt that way about me? I wanted to take every one of those sentences, bottle them up, and save the bottle for those days when I feel ugly, like I’m doing/saying everything wrong, and like I’m making everyone mad. Or, those days when I start wondering what I can do to stop people from being mad and me and/or possibly hating me.

But this is so important to remember….

love
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By being real and being me, the right people will love me, and I them. It all works out. I am so blessed.

It’s amazing how words can affect a person. I know that all the negative self-talk is no bueno. NOTHING good is ever going to come from being so down on myself. And when I think of how tingly and happy I felt when people were saying all those nice things about me, I wonder if I could recreate the same effect myself if I stopped talking down to myself all the time.

approval
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It’s hard to change those patterns. I need to practice and practice and practice. Words are very powerful–don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I need to feed myself more of this good stuff rather than hatred and vitriol. Who knows what I could accomplish once I stop talking down to myself and start raising myself up?

Who knows indeed.

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busy.

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lately.

I started my new job last week, but so much went down even before that happened!

About a week and a half ago, Adam got his own car. A Prius. Which is good because I’ve decided that I’m going to drive to work rather than deal with taking two trains or a bus and a train. So now, we each have our own cars and he can go as he pleases during the day, and I don’t have to wake up at Oh God O’Clock in the morning to take public transportation!

The Prius takes some getting used to. It goes completely quiet at red lights, and there are all sorts of computery things on the dashboard and console. You turn it on by pushing a button. The first time we drove it off the lot, we were sitting there like “Uh, I forgot how to turn it on and make it go!” Ha. Adam’s an expert at it now. I think.

In celebration of that, I got my car detailed and also washed for the first time since 2006. I didn’t recognize her when I picked her up. Now she’s all clean on the inside. The outside is filthy again, which is why I rarely bother to wash it. The birds seem to think my car is the best toilet on the street.

We had a houseguest but didn’t get to spend a lot of time with him because we all had so much going on. K was in town for C2E2, a media convention run by the same folks who run ComicCon. Adam had tours and concerts to go to. And I’d planned a girl’s day with Missy, had some Moksha stuff to do, and I was doing some onsite freelance work for VSA.

The weather is slowly but surely breaking. There are leaves and flowers on the trees, and flowers actually growing in the ground. Now, I love flowers in the ground, but you can TOTALLY tell when they’ve just been put there as opposed to them growing on their own. I know that flowers are flowers no matter where they are. I just happen to prefer them wild and growing in the ground!

I started my new job and I like it. The morning commute is pretty good (15–20 minutes usually), but coming home takes twice as long as getting there. This seems to be a Chicago thing; my friend Jen says the same thing happens to her. It’s kind of annoying but I play my music and make sure I use the bathroom before I get in the car. If the red lights weren’t so… stupidly timed, things would flow much better. It’s easy to lose patience and get frustrated when I’m sitting at a red light and the light on the very next block is green, but by the time MY light turns green, the light on the next block turns red. Not *is* red, it *turns* red. This also backs up the traffic at the green light I’m sitting at, because all of those people can’t move because their light is red. I don’t know who designed the traffic light systems in Chicago but they need to be slapped.

I’m driving just about every day now, though. When I first moved here, I didn’t like driving here at ALL but I’m getting used to it. Though I still don’t want to drive downtown.

Hmm, what else?

Oh right! I got certified! πŸ™‚ I know you all remember last year, when I was kind of freaking out about starting teacher training. And then I started and got overwhelmed and fell in love and hated it also and had all sorts of roller coaster emotions and situations come up. But I got through and I got certified and wow, it feels awesome that I did something like that. I’ve made some amazing friends, got to study with amazing teachers, and I learned a LOT about myself, about yoga, and the world.

What an incredible journey.

Recently Updated

So of course, the week that I got certified is the week I got offered a job at an educational publishing development house. Now, anyone who’s known me for any amount of time knows that I’ve been editing/copy editing/proofreading for years now. I’ve had the pleasure of editing fiction, coupons, billboards, tee-shirts, letters, direct mail… you name it, I’ve probably proofread it or a variation thereof. But, as far as editing goes, my first love was/is always educational publishing. And this job–it really came out of nowhere. And I’m glad to be there. It’s a good team. It’s just funny how I finish up my teacher training and get offered a job in another field I love instead. I see you, universe!

I wore this on my first day:

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What do you think? I’ve decided that I’m obsessed with that style of dress and would love to get more…if they go back on sale, like this one was.

Here are the other things I’ve been up to:

· I tried hot yoga for the first time last Wednesday. I sweat so much that my clothes were still soaked the next morning. Jen told me that I’m supposed to ring out the clothes before I throw then in the laundry basket or whatever. Now I know. I don’t know how I feel about hot yoga. It was 95F in the room. I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest, it was pounding so hard. The instructor said that was normal. Other people said it’s not. I didn’t feel like the heat made me stretchier, but I may have been expecting too much in that area. Maybe I’ll like it better if sweat isn’t dripping in my eyes, which means I need to get a headband or something. Or if it’s winter. We’ll see. I don’t know if I’ll go back before then. Which is fine. Winter can take its time coming back. Actually, I’m not completely convinced this year’s winter is gone yet.

· I resigned from the workshop management position at Moksha. Figured that with working full time, still doing freelance, still doing work-study for Moksha (gotta get my free classes!), plus you know, having a family and all, that something needed to give! It was going to be too much. But I still have workshops to work until the end of June, unless I can get subs.

· Worked two workshops and they weren’t bad. Mia’s tantric restorative was really amazing and then Reshma and I went to King Spa after. There, we ran into Jen! It was such a good time. I got a body scrub and got to enjoy my favorite Ochre room. Mmm, Ochre room. And Saturday night, I worked a kirtan. That ended up actually being a lot of fun, and kirtans are kind of labor intensive. But it worked out well, and I had a good time and got to spend time with fun people.

· The good thing about being so busy now is that I’ve not had much time to play Facebook games. I’ve been wanting to quit them for a while, so maybe I finally can.

· Rereading DIVERGENT by Veronica Roth. Because you know, they’re filming that movie here in Chicago and Theo James is in it and although it’s unlikely I’ll run into him (he keeps coming within 1/2 mile of my apartment for various things, though), I still plan to see the movie and support him because he’s one of my favorites. Plus, I remember enjoying the book on the first go-round. I think I rated it 5-stars on Goodreads. Next on deck is TILT by Ellen Hopkins.

· Making final plans for Disney World. Only 26 days away! We’re all getting sooooo excited! I’m debating whether or not to use a car service or stick with my original plan of using Magical Express. My friend Missy is dead set against me using a limo, in light of recent events in San Francisco. A town car just seems too…too. I’m not a fan of big ass SUVs, even if it is an Escalade, and I am DEFINITELY not getting a van! But the pros are that if I use a car service, we get a grocery stop and we don’t have to leave Animal Kingdom so early on the 7th. So… I need to decide which kind of car I’d want. The SUV is the most practical, to be honest, because none of us are light travelers and the extra room would be nice…but it’s an SUV and they’re ICKY. Aidan would truly get a kick out of the limo; I’m pretty sure he’s never been in one. It would be convenient and fun. BUT… Magical Express is so cool, too!

I’ll probably go with the car service.

Anyway, that’s enough for now. I need to start getting ready for bed. I have to be… NORMAL and stuff. Sleeping at night and being up in the day. What is this madness? I still struggle in the mornings, but tea helps.

OK, till next time.

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